I've had numerous partners
Probably well over a hundred. As soon as I emotionally feel a man has betrayed me, I begin the search for another.
I love this
I'm currently in a relationship now, where I live with my boyfriend. I care about him, I don't want to run him off like I've done to others or end up with someone who'll take advantage of how needy I am.
Because you can't have anything you want. Things change and so do people. The moral of the story is that no matter how hard we try. No matter how much we want it to work. Some stories just don't have a happy ending
I hope to God that you're wrong.
I do too. For you and for the sake of life. Love and love hard. Put your all into someone and it will work. Don't look at your past and judge your future on that. You will be fine
Nice of you to say. Trying not to dwell on the past where I've destroyed relationships with potential and embarrassed myself, but it's hard not to and even worse, it's more difficult for me to learn from my mistakes (since I'm batsh*t). Hopefully I grow wiser with age.
Speak to your partner about it. Don't let it get any further than thoughts. I've let relationships slip through my fingers because I'm stubborn and its destroyed me. I've loved so so so much and so hard and it's gone because of a lack of communication. Talk to them and tell them what you're thinking and what you want. Don't worry about being batshit crazy. That's what makes life fun
Luckily he's one of the first I can be completely open with about my mental disorders. So far he's the only person that I haven't compulsively lied to or hidden things from.
@mentalmeltingpot I can relate. I push to see where the breaking point is. The man I am with now, for the 1st time in my life, is patient, loving, gentle & understands my pushing. He just backs off a bit & lets me work through it. But, we have talked in detail.
I, too, suggest you talk openly with him.
lmao I am soocrazy that the above post could be a lie, but since I'm keeping my picture and real name someone private, it makes it easier for me to talk about these things.
(Disclaimer: I am going to use the word "promiscuous" as a generalized self-descriptor that is not directed toward you personally.)
For years I did not acknowledge my own relationship patters. I never considered myself promiscuous as I tended to be deeply involved in my relationships each time they occurred. However, when I looked over my romantic history I noticed that I have been in a consistent long-term relationship since the age of 14. The only exception was a 9 month gap in 2009 where I spiraled so deeply and widely out of control that I wasn't even capable of emotional connections. I noticed that even though my behavior wasn't necessarily erratic, it was impulsive. Even though these relationships lasted between two and five years each time, I noticed a lack in identity when I did not have a mirror in my life.
Discomfort toward being alone is the only BPD criteria I do not meet. In fact, I prefer to be alone than with others. I believe this stems from the fact that I am an only child who never really connected with her four half siblings. Additionally, my father worked over nights and we lived alone together during my teen years. This meant alone time to the point of not even seeing the person I lived with during the week. So I suppose I adjusted. I am also intensely sensitive, and become easily over stimulated by stimuli (colors, noises, conversation) and the presence of people. In this case, being an introvert worked in my favor.
Part of outgrowing this need to define myself (selfishly) by the help of others meant readjusting my standard of living and partnership- and refusing to settle for less. I hope you are not driven by your need for human contact into unhealthy living situations. I know this darkness all too well.
Thank you for sharing.
If you don't like your behavior or how you see the world, you don't ever have to feel stuck in the pain. There is a way to the light side of things.
@SurferRosa
Can't edit posts? Anyway, there will always be times when we feel down and stuck. Don't get me wrong.
Awesome job encouraging one another. ♡ keep up the good work.
I'm 21, slept with 12 different men and 2 women, I go through periods of hypersexuality where I use sex to fill a void or to feel an orgasm rather than to feel empty/despaired/etc. other times, I avoid sex and affection like the plague. It's a very fine line and such a stereotypical "I hate you, don't leave me" BPD thing lol
@sashurss
hey, I'm 22 ( female) and recently have recognized a similar pattern in myself. I either fill in a void I can't recognize through sex or I end up hating myself more for it.
I'm 34 now, and I honestly don't know how many people I used to make me feel better about myself. like the only thing good about me was my sexuality, I did it for years before diagnosis, and years after, like sex was a replacement temporarily for all the hurt inside. I could forget for a few minutes. so please don't feel bad, you are recognizing what you are doing long before I did.@sashurss
@sashurss I've had over 60 partners. Never had an STD luckily. For me, it's just physical though. I'm addicted to sex on a physical level. I haven't really slept with anyone new in awhile though I'm not in a relationship either. I just have fwbs that I hook up with currently.
