I lost my only friend. He says im crazy and hes scared of me.

I might've accidentally hit the wrong button. I'm new to this.

Don't freak out. Do not scare the normals.

If he's your only friend, do not scare the normal.

Here's what you're gonna do. You're gonna apologize if you scared him. You're going to give him his space because everyone, everyone––as human beings––are entitled to their space. This space can take any number of forms, but basically, for me, I find it's good to just give the other person a rest from thinking about you, in any capacity. Whether it's feeling good feelings, warm feelings, sad feelings, scared feelings. Any feelings at all, I think sometimes what other people need is just to not have feelings about the situation and the person that provoked feelings in them (normals are scared of scary feelings).

You were acting normal and this was good––this was great. You proved to yourself, and obviously to another person, that you can obviously be normal. It is in you, and you can get there again. What's more, you can get to normal again, and feel secure enough in your "normalness" (whatever that means, you know) to make yourself not just have to "act" normal, but teach yourself how to completely, truly, chameleon-like, at first, and then transformatively, train yourself to be normal. You can re-train your habits, your reactions, your spiraling out of control thought patterns, so that they don't have to be scary to other people. You can be a normal person. You can have normal feelings, and reactions.

It can feel like one of the worse things in the world, to be feel abandoned by someone else, to feel any kind of loss. This is an opportunity for you to try again, and better yourself, and be ready next time. Be ready next time when the next friend comes along, because they will come along, and you'll want to be feel confident enough in yourself not to fuck this one up again (but you can, and might, and then you'll try again). Be better, have yourself together more. Know what to do when/if a depression hits, and know exactly what not to do at other people. Learn from this experience. Be an even awesomer friend next time.

The thing about this is––you'll probably end up being a pretty freaking awesome friend. You should probably look out for when you're being too good of a friend. You're trying so hard to be a good friend––when I don't think this is the issue, you're probably already great enough of a friend if you're even consciously trying (half the people don't even give it much thought to try to be a good friend to the other person). The real work, for you, for BPDs, is protecting your friends, from yourself. Because you are a good friend. And that's part of what has to go into being a good friend to other people––particularly other people that have no firsthand experience of BPD. You have to look out for them, too, for their well-being, you know?

And what you're going to do, is you're going to take all your scariness, and you're gonna go and take it and give it to a qualified professional that gets paid tons of money to deal with scary stuff like that. Because it's their job. Because they willingly signed up for it. Because they decided to devote their life to it. And in lieu of a qualified professional or adequate healthcare, you're gonna hit up the internet forums & 7cups & reddit and you're going to find help for yourself. Everything has a fix

You hit a bad patch, and you hit a snag––it happens, and it's going to happen again, because people hit bad patches in their life, according to their circumstances. Some of us have better circumstances than others, some of us have worse circumstances than others. Some of us have better circumstances than others, and still hit more bad patches than others.

Lemon out. (30 Rock reference)

He's done with me. He specifically said he will never talk to me again. It's so hard to accept because we were very close. And he was supportive for so long and now he's just gone and I'll never have a friend like that again....

I understand he's very important to you and I'm very sorry for the heart ache you're experiencing because of this. I have to ask you though, why are you chasing someone you have to yourself for? You said yourself, "I was trying to be normal because I really like him." What's wrong with being yourself? Friendship is unconditional, meaning you shouldn't have to do A), to receive B). If he ditched when you were at your lowest point, could he really be that great of a person as you seem to think? I'd think you were worth a friend who accepted you at your highs and your lows, not just one or the other, wouldn't you?

I understand you're lonely and he gave you something that you were lacking. I get it. But someone else will come along that won't make you feel like you have to "act normal" in order to keep them around. In the mean time, could you be your own friend? I'm learning how to love myself and it's helped a lot with loneliness/self-confidence. I make a point to spend time with myself, pamper myself, listen to myself, love myself and accept myself. If you learn how to be your own good company, you won't be so eager to change yourself for others who don't accept you unconditionally.

Is there anyone you can talk to about your depression and loneliness? A parent? Family member? Therapist? I'd strongly suggest speaking to a professional if you're able to. I believe you got so attached to your friend because he was giving you something you are currently unable to give yourself. A therapist would explore this with you and help you establish healthy friendships and help you become comfortable with your own company.

You're not crazy. Don't chase after people who have turned their backs on you. "If you don't love yourself, you will always be chasing after people who don't love you either." Try to speak to a professional about this and keep your chin up. It isn't as great of a loss as you think.

I am not able to get professional help and I have nobody to talk to. He was really my only friend. He accepted me for who I was at first. I messed up and freaked out a little because he had to go to sleep and he asked me if I was okay when he woke up and asked if I was okay then said he wanted me to say that stuff if it helped me feel better. I still tried to be normal because I know it is difficult to deal with me sometimes and I really liked being his friend. He wasn't perfect and I never thought he was, I hated him sometimes because he didn't always understand me. Just overall he was a positive influence on my life. I felt I was getting better with him as a friend. I stopped freaking out when he had to go to work or sleep or on a date. I was getting more interested in finding other friends as well. But then my job kept getting worse and i was having trouble even getting food, my living situation sucked and I fell into a pretty deep depression that wouldn't go away. I was not fun to talk to anymore and he eventually just stopped talking to me. He is someone that I should have been friends with for the rest of my life but I fucked it up. I should have been less depressing. I should have talked to other people. I should have done so many things but I didn't and I pushed him away. I don't expect anyone to just deal with my shit forever, I know I need to be able to control it. He dealt with a lot of things I know are weird and even scary that other people run away from immediately. If I can't keep him around then how will I keep anyone as a friend?

"If I can't keep him around then how will I keep anyone as a friend?"

I know that you thought very highly of him, but trust me when I say that it isn't as big of a loss as it feels. I understand that he was good to you in the beginning and I'm very thankful that you were able to find someone supportive to speak to even if it wasn't for as long as you needed. Having said this, him bowing out of your friendship speaks more about his flaws than yours. I don't think a best friend should speak negatively about you behind your back, regardless of what you may have done. No one deserves that. True friendship is unconditional.

I really need you to understand something and if nothing else, remember this: Just because he was the best friend you have ever had up until that point, doesn't mean he's the best you can and will get.

If he's the first in awhile to show you support, I understand your loyalty. But he is not the best support you will ever get. I have many downfalls in my personality and my friends know I have enough baggage to fill the bottom of a commercial airplane. I snap, I get frustrated, and I get depressed - but my friends do too. We have a mutual understanding to help each other when we can't help ourselves. If I were to have someone walk out of my life because they couldn't handle me at my lowest, I'd consider that a gain rather than a loss. I need someone in my life who will accept me even when I struggle to accept myself. And if that means I'm alone at times, I accept it. I'd rather be alone than have a "friend" who decides which parts of me to accept. I'm me. Take all of me or find the door.

It's quite possible your friend got overwhelmed and simply couldn't be the support you needed. He is human. However, his response to your mutual friend after you two stopped talking showed more about his true character and just how strong his "loyalty" to you actually was. Stop crossing oceans for people who wouldn't cross a puddle for you.

It sounds like you have a lot going on in your life and quite a few stresses. Have you thought about using the 1-on-1 feature the site has? It would give you more personalized help and attention and give you someone to speak to if you needed it.( https://www.7cups.com/BrowseListeners/ ) Feel free to adjust the filters to better suit your situation and don't be afraid to read a listener's reviews before you reach out to them. You deserve to be happy, Hemlock. And you deserve a better friend. Please don't let one person's downfall take away your hope for something better.

If it's any consolation, you're not the only one this has happened to.

I went through a similar experience. My best friend, just out of the blue, cut me out of her life, and it happened to be during a difficult time for me. She just stopped talking to me. We used to talk every other day. I was devastated. I was sad, I was angry, I was hurt. She was my best friend. I blamed myself for a long time.

I never found out why she cut me off. I have an inkling that it was for similar reasons as what happened with you. Maybe I was too clingy. Maybe I shared to much of my pain with her. Maybe it was something more trivial, that we're in different provinces, and she starting making other friends at college.

It's hurtful, losing a friend like that. Hearing them say that you're "crazy" and "obsessed". Definitely not a good feeling. Will you get over it? Maybe, but don't feel bad if you never completely heal from this. You are experiencing a form of grief, after all.

Was it your fault? No, it wasn't. That might be how you feel right now, and it might be how you feel for a long time. One day, though, you'll be able to see if differently. That it was his personal decision to end the friendship, and he possibly did it for his emotional well-being. As horrible as that sounds, it happens in friendships where BPD is not part of the equation as well.

My former best friend's birthday was a few days ago. I thought I might call her. Then I thought might email her. Then I noticed the sun had set many hours ago. Sometimes, it's best to just let sleeping dogs lie, and try to move on. It's going to be difficult for a little while, but as the days go on, it will get easier.

it hasnt been getting easier, even now that I know how he feels.I keep going from being so lonely i dont want to live, to being angry at him for making me feel like that, to guilty for being angry at him, then back to loneliness. I'm such a loser. Everyone else can just have lots of friends and everything is fine and good, and nobody hates them. Everybody hates me and I cant even keep one friend that really cared about me and would cry when i was hurting. Im a shitty person and a worse friend.

I had the same thing happen to me once. He was a childhood friend of mine and we grew together. He was the greatest friend I ever had and had helped me through some of the worst times in my life, he was like the brother I never had and even said as much. There seemed to be nothing that could separate us.

He introduced me to a lot of what are now my favorite things. I was obsessed with him because I felt that he was y only true friend. Everyone knew we were best friends and he was the only thing that truly made me happy.

One day, however, out of nowhere he sent me a message that was really long. I knew instantly what it was going to say because he never sent me very long messages. He told me that he didn't want to be friends any more and despite how long the message was he never told me exactly why he didn't want to be my friend, though I knew he probably couldn't handle how I was despite our years as friends.

For years he haunted my dreams and compared any new friends I would make to him even. I felt horrible because I had the same mind set that if even he left me then nothing is going to stop another from doing it. It wouldn't be for some years until him and I finally talked again. He told me that he thought of my often and always hoped that I was doing well. When I met him in person again it was the most surreal feeling I ever had. Him and I are friends on Facebook now and even though it isn't the same in any way, he still checks up on me from time to time and keeps me updated with his newest phone number.

I don't know exactly how things went for me, all I know is that it is possible to live life without them and that it does eventually go away. I have made new friends and although my trust issues aren't completely restored, they are better. It's just one of things where you never know what the future holds.

I'm not able to make other friends. I'm just going to be alone forever.

If by "forever" you mean negative time and space. In case you haven't noticed, many people here have opened their hearts to you--in a friendly way. It'll take time to build up a meaningful relationship with someone either here or in the real world. I honestly say that it sucks now and I get that you're not gonna want to open up anytime soon--but that's how friends and people work. It's absolutely terrifying that in order to be close to someone you often have to open your heart to them eventually. And if they're meant to stay--they'll embrace you and your truth and you will theirs. This person who couldn't handle you and made you feel you had to act normal? Not good. You got something great to offer the world. Own it.

And surround yourself with those cherished few who make you feel you're worth it. --don't tell me there aren't any. Cuz here I am and here we are, caring about your story.

Nobody here can ever be my friend. It just isn't a realistic expectation. I'm here because nobody likes me. I feel shitty about having to come here because nobody likes me.

Well I'm sorry to be contrary, but I like you rather much. I see a person with potential.

He never made me feel bad when I didn't act normal before, he actually was very nice about it and would worry about my safety. I wanted to act normal because I liked him and didn't want him to have to deal with my bullshit. Expecting somebody to deal with that all the time is just wrong and makes you a bad person. I need to be able to act normal and not do things to scare people or hurt them. That's a basic part of being a friend and I couldn't even do that. People don't like being around me or even talking to me and it is my fault.

Oh---you mean "Acting" like that. I thought you meant "acting" as in..changing your whole personality. If you want to be more socially acceptable that's entirely different. It comes with more interaction and learning what tends to make people feel...like you crossed a line. It's something most kids pick up on then nurture throughout teenage hood. I wasn't like that, and hey--it's a good thing you're picking it up now.

better sooner rather than later, right?

But I will say that while it's wrong to burden someone "all the time" and use them like a personal journal--if they offer to do so, it's different. I also have trouble comprehending that someone would care enough to stick around to hear..but my best mate does that for me. Even when I protest I'm talking too much. I think you gotta find someone like that.

I've been through this 🍉 you will eventually stop caring about him, because time heals almost everything , it's not your loss its his!!! He doesn't realize what good of a friend he lost. You will find many more friends . I say this from almost experience