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I can't take care of myself
sashurss May 25th, 2016
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I can feel myself spinning out of control and I can't do anything to stop it. I can't be trusted to buy groceries without impulsively using that money for other things. I can't remember if I passed in this month's papers for my disability check. I can't get the energy to clean or keep it in my mind that I have to clean, that goes for both my house and myself. I don't think I even paid my phone bill. I can't get through the day without either dissociating or falling apart. I haven't gone to see my doctor in.. weeks? months? I have no concept of time. I can never remember to take my meds, even if I set an alarm on my phone because I forget to charge it and then I forget where I put it. I haven't left the house in a month.

It's embarrassing. I'm an adult, I'm expected to do these things.. and I just.. can't.

And I can't do anything about it. I have nowhere to go, who would want to take care of an adult, nobody understands, my family just think it's laziness. My mother understands somewhat but she is working away and I can't just leave here and go there because I need to be here to pass in my disability slips each month, without them I have no money and my mom can't afford to financially support me. My psychiatrist is here, not there. and I have 2 cats who I can't imagine leaving, it makes me panic just thinking about it, and the airline only allows you to travel with 1 pet..

I have no idea how I am going to get through the next few months until October when my mom will be back home..

1
MarcHT May 25th, 2016
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@sashurss Wow, that's a lot to do. Taking care of yourself, and your pets, and being alone when you need support. It adds up. You feel like you should be able to do it, but if it's overwhelming sometimes, you have nothing to be embarrassed about. It happens to most of us. When it happens to me, I try to just take a breath and find one thing I can get done to remind me that I can change things. Even if it's just sending one email or wiping the counter or cleaning out my briefcase. What makes you feel like you've moved forward? What are some simple, quick, easy things you could use to show yourself that you're still trying?

When life gets like that it's hard to know where to start. But it sounds like you are still trying, and that's what you can do. Have you tried some way of reminding yourself to do things that doesn't need you to do other things? (Like charge your phone.) Maybe just a big old-fashioned paper sign somewhere that says, "Go Plug In Your Phone." :)

Good luck, and check back in with us so we know how you're doing.

M

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