Borderline.
was diagnosed with BPD a few months ago and to be honest at the time, i thought it meant I was going to be a violent murderer (too many movies ;)) I was absolutelyterrified and to be honest, I still feel incredibly on my own, I don't know how long I have hadBpdbut it could have been anywherefrom3-10years.
I don't really feel anything anymore, it feels like I spend all my time forcing a smile then it fades the second the person who it was for looks away. I occasionally become overwhelmed by feelings and end up crying, sometimes to the point of physically throwing up.
I spend a huge amount of time forcing emotions to make other people feel I'm interested the only living thing I have any kind of connection to is my dog who is also the only one who knows when I'm faking happiness. I find myself being really snarky towards people I care about as well and I never fully understand why. My point in this post is mostly to say thank you, for making me feel better about feeling bad because I'm constantly made to feel like I'm being a horrible person for feeling nothing. Again, thank you.
Hey don't feel bad, I myself have too many emotions that I deal with on a daily basis. People at work know I'm going through something, I haven't told them what it is (it's depression with anxiety). I'm trying out some meds for it, and it's giving some side effects. they have seen everything from cold hands, crying, anger, foggy thinking,throwing up, not eating, avoiding social situations, excessive exercise and for some strange reason, knowing all this, they still gave me a new contract, 2 weeks ago. (I competed for this contract with 2064 other people and still won).What I have learned from this experience is to have faith in people, they will love you with all your flaws.
I haven't officially been diagnosed but i've been told i meet most of the criteria . The illogical sense of abandonment is what gets to me a long with the instable relationships both friendship and romantic. Hell i kept sleeping with my rapist cause i didn't want to be alone
Wow a kindred spirit because that is how I feel too I call myself the great hypocrite faking I love people etc... All this just to keep peace at home because if I let out my true self nobody here would be able to understand or accept it ... More power to you ..
Some how my post ended up at the bottom of the thread but I feel exactly as you do with pretending a lot..
I was diagnosed in January with BPD after 23 years of being told it was depression. I feel worse after learning of my diagnosis because people just don't understand how an invisible illness can be so self destructive. It's hard isn't it.
do you remember when you got diagnosed?
