Guilt and self-isolation
I have AvPD and I am struggling with feelings of guilt and the tendency to isolate myself because of these feelings. My personality disorder is causing serious issues in my life, such that other people suffer from it as well. For example, I have had several jobs, but did not function well in them because of my mental health issues, and my poor performance negatively impacted other people. My partner has also told me how hard it is for him to deal with my personality disorder, and I can see him suffer. I feel like I should never have accepted a job or married anyone. Since I was a child I have dreamed of making the world a better place and helping others, but the sad truth is that my existence is creating chaos and causing suffering in this world. I am very upset about this and have the tendency to self-isolate to protect others from myself. I am not working at the moment and I try to hide my suffering from my partner, wearing a mask around him. Can anyone relate to these feelings and experiences? How do you cope?
@Ilona7 Hi Ilona, hope you have a great day so far. I feel like have feel some thing that is similar to you. I split my self in to separate pieces just to let everyone see the person that I want them to see. Even now, I didn't know which is the real me. However, so sorry I can't give a good suggestion about your partner. I want to say, you are not bothering anyone, you deserve to be loved and I love you. Just let me know if there are anything that I can help you with. Please have a nice day. ( o ^ V ^ O )
@StarAwakening Thank you so much for your kind words. I can definitely relate to your experience. When I was still in secondary school, I would be a different person around different people, depending on what I felt they wanted me to be like. Then if I suddenly found myself in one room with two people who knew a different me, I would shut down, because I didn't know which version of me to be. Over time, this has improved somewhat, but I still show a different side of me with different people, and find it hard to know which is the real me. Thanks for your support and I hope you have a nice day too.
Damn...this feels too familiar... I wear a mask too... I am 24 y/o and I am still an undergraduate... And I am struggling even now to finish my degree... My peers are so ahead of me. It's hard to face them... I feel so much shame... I try to be alone... I don't want my mood to negatively affect others and I wear so many different masks to fit in...and then I hate myself for being fake.
@Ilona7
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