@SeparationAnxietyOverload nonono please don’t ever feel like you can’t rant here! i’m always here for you, whether you want a friendly chat or you need to get something off your chest. i would so much rather you rant to me than you hold it in. i’m sorry your mom is such a jerk. she has no right to do any of those things, least of all hit you. it’s stupid that she hates that one girl without good reason. she should at least give her a chance, right? and she shouldn’t take away your phone when you need it. incomplete work always bugs me too, and i’m sure your entries were really good. i know how hard it is to keep a clean streak, and i’m so proud of how long you did it for! setbacks happen, and they’re hard, but you can do it. i’m here for you. there’s something i want you to try, and you don’t have to do it if you don’t want to but i think it might help. it’s called the butterfly project. every time you feel like you want to hurt yourself, take a pen or marker and draw a butterfly where you were going to harm. then name it after someone you care about, or something worth living for. like sunrises, or puppies. or learning about other places with me. i would be so happy to keep teaching you. if you take nothing else away from this, take this: i care about you!!! i want you alive!!!! you are a beautiful wonderful human being and you deserve love and support!!! please don’t attempt or commit suicide. who else would i talk with about fruit? who else would chat with me for months over the mindless nonsense that i love? nobody else can be my friend the way you can. i know its so hard but please please stay with me. you deserve better than what you got. i care about you. please chat back <3 <3 <3
@toastydoodler
im going to cry thank you so much for this. I've lived another day, im taking it hour by hour at a time. I have a flight in a few hours so I may not be able to text you until I get off. Thank you so much and I'll text you immediately after I get off. Words cannot express how grateful I am <3
@toastydoodler
im going to write whatever you just written and frame it. its beautiful and it makes me happy and alive. thank you <3
@SeparationAnxietyOverload i’m just so glad you’re okay <3 <3 <3
@SeparationAnxietyOverload are you doing okay? i haven’t heard from you in a few days <3
@toastydoodler
hello! sorry for not messaging overseas :( im back now though, I couldn't bring my laptop on the trip and I only had my phone, which I didn't save my account details on :( But I'm doing quite well! How are you doing? Can't wait to continue talking! Talk soon :) <3
@SeparationAnxietyOverload it’s ok! i didn’t realize you didn’t have your laptop and the last time we chatted you were having a hard time so i was just worried. how was your trip? where did you go? (sorry if you already told me my memory tends to be kinda bad 😅 in fiber arts class we’re making little worry dolls to give to the newest class, and mine is looking like a pineapple, so i have aptly named him pineapple man. what do you think? will he take all of their worries and make dole whip with them? lol. i hope you’re doing good! talk soon :) <3
@toastydoodler
haha thanks for understanding! I went to the Philippines and it was pretty fun, except for the fact that we got a cold :( but that's okay. Sounds fun! I love sculpting and stuff. Pineapple man is kind of a cute name! I've never had dole whip, how does it taste lol. But I hope you're enjoying your classes :) Talk soon! <3
@SeparationAnxietyOverload dole whip is kind of like pineapple soft serve. it’s really creamy. i’m sorry you got a cold! i hate when that happens. i like to drink tea with honey and lemon because it’s supposed to help your throat. i’m enjoying some of my classes better than i thought i would. backyard sustainability is turning out to be pretty cool. fiber arts too. biology and history are kind of boring right now but i hope that will change. we have our first field hockey game on monday, wish me luck. i’m nervous because it’s against a good team and this is my first time playing on a varsity field, and coach put me in a position i don’t know. it’s going to be tough. she’s very shouty for a coach so hopefully i don’t mess up too bad. i hope you feel better! talk soon <3
@toastydoodler
oh I see! So its basically pineapple ice cream? Yeah, me too, especially during the last few days of the trip, and you can't fully enjoy the experience. I usually just drink hot water because I have really little appetites when I catch a cold, so even the thought of food or beverages makes me gag. That's nice to hear! I love biology and everything science related! It's super cool. Sometimes I hate history because I get bad grades in it, but sometimes I love the interesting parts, it's like gossip haha :) How's the dissection coming up for bio? Good luck for the hockey game! I'm sure you won't need it though, you're probably super good! Playing against a formidable team is tough but can be a fulfilling experience so I hope you can get more experience from the new game! Hopefully your coach doesn't go too hard on you guys, but if she does, don't put so much thought into it, if you've tried your best everything will be fine. Again, good luck on that hockey game and talk soon! :) <3
@toastydoodler
no problem, I'm always here. :) The dissection is probably going to be really exciting, and I'm super stoked when that time comes. Space science is cool, we had a kid in my class last year who was really into it. People thought he was weird though. He seemed nice though, but he would do things that really triggered my inner clean freak. I wonder where he is now. I loveeee genetics but it's not tested in our syllabus as it is more of a university thing so I've put my research on the subject on hold for now. I'm just hoping my grades for history will get better haha! oh that's great! you must be super good at math! I'm not :( I have many favorite colors that change over time and mood but as of now, its light coffee brown! I drink like 5 cups of coffee a week to study lol. My schoolmate says that I'll die of heart issues lol. But I'm thinking if the next doll would be brown, it wouldn't be that interesting so maybe try like a sunset themed doll? like those sunset dip metal bears in those build a bear shops. Or matcha green/sage green which is honestly one of my favs too. I'm a person that is very fickle so what can I say if I have many favs? what's your favorite color(s)? Can't wait to hear from you soon and about the hockey game? update me everything :) okay talk soon! <3
@SeparationAnxietyOverload my favorite color changes all the time too lol. green is almost always one of them, but i also like dandelion yellow and red and tan. i think all colors are pretty. i don’t drink coffee because i think it tastes bitter and my weak little taste buds can’t handle it lol, but my mom drinks like 4 cups a day, it’s crazy. i don’t know if you have this where you live but here we have a chain restaurant called panera bread and they have these caffeine-filled lemonades, but my friend didn’t know that they had massive amounts of caffeine in them so she drank 3 at 8pm. she says that she could feel her heart beating at a mile a minute until like 3am. so if you ever do come here don’t get those lol! i know that you’ll be able to get your grades up eventually. i believe in you!!! math is hard for a lot of people, you’re not alone. i don’t like it much but i’m fairly good at it. we don’t do a ton of genetics stuff either, at least not until you get to a certain class. then after that we don’t do it as much because the next subject would be something like chemistry and there’s not a ton of genetics in there. i’ll keep you updated on everything! since the game is on monday we have to have a sunday practice, and coach decided that 7 am was a great time to do it. no sleeping in for me lol. talk soon! <3
@toastydoodler
That's so relatable haha! I love green and dandelion yellow is super cool as well. Isn't there a tiktoker online that collects discontinued crayons with the shade dandelion yellow? Dandelions are a super big part of my childhood so I love everything about them :). All colours definitely have a story behind them I think. I love coffee so much lol. I heard about the charged lemonade thing and it's actually pretty dangerous even for a caffeine person like me. 2 people died because they drank that charged lemonade and a large cup of charged lemonade contains 4 times the caffeine level of a can of redbull energy drink. Which is honestly superrr bad for you. The hearing your heart thing is also super bad and like I know (I hope) your friend is okay, just to spread awareness about the caffeine levels (sorry). As you can see, I'm a bit of a geek. I've been listening to a whole lot of crime cases recently, finals are in a week. But yeah, thanks for believing in me! I've booked a private session with my math teacher for revision, so I'm making an effort hehe:). Well, goodluck for the training and take a break after the training and the game. you deserve it! Good luck and talk soon! <3 :)
@SeparationAnxietyOverload i love dandelions too. for me the plant that was a big part of my childhood was tomatoes. my grandparents grow them in their garden so i eat them a lot. they taste so bright, from the acidity. i like them. it’s alright, i’m a geek too! i don’t study crime cases much because it makes me more jumpy than normal but it’s still pretty cool. also i took this photo a while back but since you do photography i thought you might appreciate it :)
sorry if it’s blurry lol. i’m glad you’re getting help before finals! your efforts will give results i promise. i can’t think of anything to write currently because i’m kinda tired but i hope you’re doing well! i’m here for you if you’re not. talk soon <3
@toastydoodler
That's amazing! Ever since you told me about your love for tomatoes, I've planted some, I'll see if I can update you on their progress! :) I get the true crime jumpiness, I sometimes overthink it at night too, but it's a source of focus and entertainment for me haha! The picture is amazing! It looks super nice, with the vibrant colours contrasting with each other <3 Thank you so much! Update me on the game and talk soon! <3
@SeparationAnxietyOverload hi bestie! game’s today and hooo boy there are nerves galore. i have a presentation first period, a math test third period, and a french quiz fifth period. my brain’s going to be fried by the time the game comes around. not as bad as finals (good luck!!!), but who schedules tests on a monday? that’s the worst time to have it. anyway. i’m glad you have something you enjoy! thank you for the kind words on my picture. the sun’s been coming up later and later around here. now my alarm wakes me while it’s still dark out. it’s so much harder to wake up when it’s dark out, in my opinion. i’m like a bear lol, i just want to hibernate when it’s dark. talk soon :) <3
@toastydoodler
omg good luck for it! It's currently 10am right now for me, so its probably over for you. I'm in school right now, it's recess. I'm in the library as usual lol. Wow that sounds really exhausting! I think I'd be fine for everything except the presentation😭. But good luck for everything! I have a mini math quiz today as well, it's not part of my grade though. Thanks for the luck! The start of finals is next Thursday. Wish you all the very best for the game! May the odds be ever in your favor! (Hunger game's reference lol). I'm definitely super hooked on podcasts hehe. No problem, it really is a beautiful picture. And by the way, I did plant a few seeds a while back and I harvested them yesterday! I forgot what it was, but it's like leafy greens. I totally get the waking up thing, I just wanna sleep forever when I wake up but when it's time to sleep, I don't want to sleep haha! I used to be able to wake up super early at like 4-5am but I somehow lost that ability this year and I have been waking up at like 6.30am which is super late and I have to rush to school. I woke up at 6.50 this morning :( and I was late to school, but it was raining and I was excused cause of bad weather. I hate that feeling though. But I would love to try hibernating (weird ik) for like 6 months lol. Well anyway, I hope the game was okay for you and talk soon! :) <3
@SeparationAnxietyOverload wow, you guys have recess? i wish we still did. i haven’t had recess in years but it was so much fun when i did. do you guys ever age out of recess or do you have it until you graduate? we lost our game 6-0 😬 i didn’t get yelled at as much as i thought but at the end my legs hurt so bad! i miss being on jv lol. honestly, it’s kind of unfair that varsity level players who’ve been playing for years have to play with me, who’s only been doing it for two and doesn’t really know what i’m doing. idk i feel like it would be better if we could play with people our level. but we don’t have the resources to do that, so here i am ***. presenting is hard for me too sometimes lol. when i get up there it gets easier because i can improvise a little but before is really nerve wracking. love the hunger games reference <3 i’m so glad you were able to harvest your plants! i’m sure they were delicious. it reminds me that i have some micro greens to pick. the waking up thing was the same for me! i used to be able to get up well before my alarm but this year i just can’t until i here my alarm ring. i hate being late too, though ironically it happens a lot since my mom isn’t home half the time. she travels for work a whole lot. today for backyard sustainability we were cleaning out an area outside that was super overgrown with vines and weeds. we found a whole table in the back. we’re going to use the space for the class and some projects we’re planning on. i hope your quiz went well! talk soon <3 :)
@toastydoodler i don’t know why it blocked out part of that sentence it wasn’t a swear lol. i wrote i guess. <3
@toastydoodler
yeah we do until like the end of high school but we continue to have it later on just that instead of recess it's called "lunch". What did you guys do during then? We are given only 30mins though, either to eat or play. So it's more of a free period really. It's ok, I hope your teacher didn't yell that much :/ I totally get the leg pain, leg cramps have been horrible for me this year. It should be established so that you're only playing with people of the same experience, I wonder why they got to have the upperhand :( It's totally natural you're feeling that way, I would too to be honest. The improvising gets easier to do once you keep doing it, I think that's pretty good because social skills are important even though I hate doing social things. Haha! I love the hunger games, but i didn't like Peeta nor Gale. Idk why 😭. I just thought that Katniss would be better off by herself (with Prim and her mom). Even though when I tell people they say I'm selfish because Katniss was happy with both of them and that she felt good around both of them. Can't really argue with that though. Yup! My mom made it into a stew! I love waking up early, I just hate it when I wake up late. I love being punctual. OMG I love that! I love cleaning and everything about it. I sometimes get into a cleaning frenzy when I see something out of place and I end up cleaning the whole room. It's therapeutic and even more so with professional tools. I hope you had a good time! It sounds quite tough and cleaning can be exhausting but fulfilling especially when done for a cause! I always want to go to beach cleanups but I can't. The quiz went fairly well and I hope I get an A. Thanks for talking and Talk soon! <3
P.S. It's fine! I think they blur out abbreviations like I.G. that stands for I guess. It's all good! Thanks for talking :)
@SeparationAnxietyOverload your house is probably so nice and clean. i’m fine with cleaning but i hate putting away laundry it’s just so maddeningly slow for me. unfortunately this leads to me keeping all of my clothes in the laundry baskets and they get all wrinkled. not a great habit but at this point i don’t have time to fix it lol. second game today, lost 3-0. it felt super hot and the sun was so bright. its image has been superimposed on my retinas lol. i ran 6 miles total in the game 😥 I’m so tired. i hope you’re doing well. today in gym we hiked and since there’s a reservoir near our school we walked to the little beach area and skipped rocks. that’s my hidden talent and i got to show off ;) it’s all in the wrist. you want to get a lot of spin on it and flick with your wrist, and choose a skinny flat rock. don’t get a round river rock. it was really fun. talk soon :) <3
@toastydoodler
nah not really. It can get cluttered sometimes, and it's usually only my room that I meticulously clean because the rest of the house is just beyond my control haha. I do get irritated sometimes about the cleanliness and I always wear socks when I am stepping out of my room because I cannot stand the thought of stepping onto any dirty (if) surface. I get the laundry thing, sometimes I force myself to handwash certain clothes like my school uniform before I shower, so if I want to shower ASAP, I have to do the task anyway. It's a good way for me I guess. The rest of the clothes that don't need to be handwashed go straight to the washing machine lol. I hope it wasn't too tiring but 6 miles is ALOT. My fitness teachers usually only get me to run 2km every lesson, which is two times a week. I hope it isn't too tiring, especially with the heat. I love beaches! except for sandflies and mosquitoes, one time I sat on the sand with a book and the sun was setting, it was super poetic. But reservoirs are nice too! just that over here, it's really hot and humid. That is so cool. I always used to try but then it would just plonk into the water. I should try it sometime. I'll definitely think of your tips the next time I go to a lake or something. Happy you had fun :) Talk soon! <3
@SeparationAnxietyOverload i love reading on the beach, it’s such a vibe. we lost our game again today. i’m so glad it’s the weekend and i can sleep in tomorrow lol. i hope i’ll have some me time. there’s a show i’ve been wanting to watch and i haven’t had time to. the art looks really cool. sorry this is so short, i haven’t had a lot of time lately. i’ll try to get in a longer one tomorrow. talk soon <3 <3 <3 :)
@toastydoodler
Me too <3. honestly I think you tried your best and it's important to have some rest. Yes, watching a new show is definitely a nice treat during the weekend. I think I'm going to Malaysia later and coming back ON THE SAME DAY which is bad and tiring so I get you. It's totally fine and take your time! <3 :))
@toastydoodler
We just went to clean our apartment there are get some clothes that we left there from our last visit because we won't be going back soon. That's amazing! I love taking naps but hate the grogginess when I wake up that usually sticks with me the whole day, but today I took a timed nap and I woke up quite fresh :) It's nice that you're doing the things you love. I came back from the short trip thing to Malaysia already so I'm writing this at like midnight lol. No, most events have been halted because of finals haha. It's the second big thing and then the first big thing is the holidays after. I did actually, but only to submit the pictures. I can live without my phone though, I'm reassured that I completed my submission. I can try sending you a picture of one of my submissions. The theme I'm going for is beauty in monotony :). It's not the best, it's usually the camera that helps me get good pictures haha! But thank you for the compliment <3 I wish we had seasons here, it'd be very nice. but some people are celebrating Halloween here already. I don't have the social battery so I'm just studying to get GPA 4.0 overall. I hope you enjoy the autumn and take some nice pics! I totally get it, sometimes I just tell myself to take a long break until guilt kicks in and my studying motivation is just conscience 😭. I love archery! My parents say I have good aim but sometimes I feel awkward holding the bow. Good job for hitting the marks! I have went to so many fairs to play the games and got sooo many plushies (some based off pure money blowing) but I have a huge pile and I make sure to hug everyone before I sleep and say goodnight to them. at this point there basically my friends. Ok, good talk, talk soon! <3
@SeparationAnxietyOverload i’m glad you had a nice nap! in theory i like naps but when the sun’s out i can never sleep. i also have a huge pile of stuffed animals! there’s like fifteen on my bed atm they take up more space than i do. what are the holidays after finals like? do you get time to rest or is there a ton of stuff you have to do by the time you get back? i can’t wait for the next holiday here but it’s not for a while. tomorrow i have fiber arts so i can get my tie dyes back. since it was nice a few days ago the teacher brought us outside and did tie dye with us. i can’t wait to see what they look like! i felt like a mad scientist while i was doing it. it was really fun. have you ever done tie dye? this was my first time. i have a test tomorrow. i hope i do well. talk soon bestie <3 :)
@toastydoodler
thanks! I basically live for the dark. In the morning I always keep my shades closed like a vampire haha! Well, basically the finals are at the end of each year and for us, it ends around 1 oct. Our holidays after the finals start from 15 oct to the end of the year. Then next year, we start a new grade. It's pretty different I think from the American school systems. What are yours like? I heard that there are summer, spring and winter break? How does it work? That's nice! i haven't done tie dye but I have watched videos of those cool rainbow cyclones. I'll love to try it. Haha! I'm sure I'd feel the same way. But I'll probably wear a white shirt and let all the possible stains do its thing and I'd have 2 artistic shirts! Hope you have fun and get back your tie dye! Talk soon bestie! <3
@SeparationAnxietyOverload that’s actually pretty similar to how we do it up here! our break is in june, i think because of the hemisphere difference. we have a short break at the end of november (like 3 days plus weekend), then a longer one in december, february, and april (like one week). then we get out in june until late august. i couldn’t get my tie dye back today because my teacher was out, but hopefully i’ll get it on wednesday. we tied our game today 0-0. not great but better than we have been doing. do you like garlic bread? sorry that’s really random but you mentioned vampires and they can’t eat garlic so like. thought of that. i have to go shower and sleep now but have a good day or night! thanks for the chat, talk soon! <3 :)
@toastydoodler
oh I see! That's pretty cool. It's sad you didn't get your tie dye back but what did you guys do when your teacher was out? That's a major improvement yayyy! I'm okay with garlic bread, I can eat like maximum 3 slices, because I get nauseous when I consume too much garlic. I have a weak stomach :/ What's your favourite food? Oh yeah and before I forget, here's the link to my picture, I tried putting it in but it exceeds the size limit. https://drive.google.com/file/d/1stznCvfaye91MXnI4Wl3ALnKSM6Zc-Kx/view?usp=drive_link. Okay good talk! Cya bestie! <3 :)
@SeparationAnxietyOverload omg dude that is such a good picture like my jaw actually dropped. i’m so glad you could put that in the competition because it’s sure to win. while the teacher was out we just had to fill in a little sheet form thing about the unit and what we liked and what was hard. same here for the garlic bread i just feel so bleh and bloated but i still love it. there are so many delicious things out there but i’ll say that a good macaroni and cheese is my favorite. not the kraft boxed mac and cheese but the kind you get at a restaurant that’s baked and cheesy and uses the big pasta. i love pasta. what’s your favorite food? i hope you’re doing well! talk soon bestie <3 :)
@toastydoodler
HAHA thank you you just made my day. Sounds pretty boring but I hope your teachers for the other lessons were there. I love macaroni!!! But I like ravioli and fettuccine. I like squid ink and carbonara :) But my favourite foods are Korean foods like bibimbap, kimbap, samga kimbap, anything Korean <3. I have a final tomorrow on Chinese :(( I'm gonna cry out of anxiety i swear. I'll update you after talk soon bestie! <3
@SeparationAnxietyOverload i’m glad i helped your day be better! good luck on your final. i’m here if you need to talk. i have so much to tell you! it has been a (tw caps) CRAZY day. it started out nice because in backyard sustainability we made hot raspberry applesauce and it was delicious. i got to go pick raspberries out back and it ended so nice and warm. i told myself “no matter what it will be a good day because i had delicious applesauce” but i should’ve just held my tongue because the very next period we had a shelter in place (we all stay in our classrooms even after the bell rings because there’s a threat). eventually we were evacuated out to the track. there were police officers everywhere. they brought in sniffer k9s and everything. it was pretty scary once we realized it wasn’t a drill. we stayed at the track for like two hours until it was safe. there had been a bomb threat from one of the lower grades that they had to take seriously. i went to biology after and we were reading about osmosis and water potential and one of the cases was like “this lady was running a marathon in high heat and forgot to eat her energy gel and drank a whole lot of water and she puked, collapsed, and was pronounced brain dead a week later. it was so fast i swear i got whiplash. i became very glad i had an energy gel for the game! then i had book club during lunch. at the end of the day we were held in (tw caps) AGAIN because apparently someone had to be taken out to an ambulance. we ended up late for the game and i got hit in the leg. we lost 8-1. now i’m heading home. i just want to sleep so i can process everything dude. hopefully your day wasn’t as insane as mine. talk soon <3 :)
@toastydoodler
hehe thanks, the examination went pretty okay (I'm hoping I don't jinx it) but yeah. The applesauce sounds so good! I don’t particularly like raspberries, they make my tongue hurt. But it sounds sooo good. I would love to have that elective! I’ve never experienced anything like that before, it seems pretty scary. Once, in the Philippines a restaurant made us go under our tables and made it seem like there was a terrorist attack but it was just a surprise birthday. It sounds pretty scary actually. I only went through drills, it must be really scary being in a place with a suspected bomb :( I hope you’re fine. Wow that’s pretty interesting, I never knew energy gel was so important. But on a serious note, it seems pretty sad for American students to constantly live in fear of their lives, it doesn’t make sense. (sorry if this offends you, it’s just my inner debater) while on the other side of the earth, there are privileged individuals like us who are in schools having drills about these things that’ll probably never happen, laughing while we’re being “evacuated” because we can skip math or something. It just seems so preposterous. Your day does sound super eventful! I wish I had a book club, not many people in my school like books :/ an ambulance coming to my school is like once every million years I swear, hoping it stays that way though. Ouch, are you okay? I hope you’re fine or at least got benched throughout the game. It’s fine, on the bright side, the number 8-1 is 7. My favourite number hehe! What’s yours? Have a safe walk back home. My day was super uneventful, just exams, revisions and now I’m at home studying. You should probably get some rest, I’d be in shock if I were you. Have a nice nap/rest, and talk soon! <3
P.S. (TW: School attack) There was this rare incident at one of the high schools in my country, it was national news to us because it was so rare to have a threat in schools. Guns are banned here, but then this student grabbed an axe and started going around the school to find victims. I’m pretty sure he murdered one classmate of his :( Everyone was going berserk and the people in the classrooms had to lock the doors and zip the windows and everything. I’m sure that they were so scared. I can send you the link to one of the articles if you want. Talk soon, bestie! :)
@SeparationAnxietyOverload i’m number 7 on my softball team! what a cool coincidence. i wish you were able to have a book club, it seems like you’d really like it. i’ll keep you posted on what we’re reading. it is really sad that that’s the reality for us. i wish we had tighter gun control laws so it wouldn’t happen, but a lot of people like being able to have a g*n. i get that they like to hunt and stuff, but keep it secure! don’t leave it where people can get to it and use it and for god’s sake don’t give a teenager a g*n! last year we had more shootings than days here. i remember my math teacher was saying how we’ve learned that throwing things at the shooter and screaming at them and stuff is the better course of action (not best, because in that situation there is no best), but i wonder how many people had to die for us to learn that. the axe thing sounds really scary, but it’s nice to know that it doesn’t happen too much where you are. stay safe out there, even if it’s a low possibility. talk soon bestie <3
@toastydoodler
That's nice! I love July as well, because it's the seventh month. I would like that. How does the book club work? Yeah I suppose that’s true. I heard in Canada people are hunting enthusiasts and that they like to have guns to hunt. I think it’s just me being mad at the laws that are so dumb. I hope that in the future the laws will be amended. That’s really sad, considering that over here they teach us not to be the hero and stuff (I’m sure for you guys it started off like that as well) it’s sad that you guys have “experience” dealing with these things and I really hope that one day everyone will be safe <3. Thank you so much and you stay safe too <3 Thanks for talking bestie :)