@alsea
@marksmind01 did you get to do what we said?
Hello!! I tried to but it became a huge hassle to make an account. I tried to make an account through the app and website but it won't save my username, it just kept resetting and not saving my name. I tried multiple times but after a while I just said đ¤ˇââď¸
@Marksmind01
That sucks :(( well we have this, even if it's not idealÂ
True and honestly I don't mind, I'll still try and see if I'm able to make one again soon but I'll let you know if I manage to make one.
I still hadn't been able to write still. I'm not sure how to describe it but certain thoughts aren't possible to write down. Idk if that makes sense lol
@Marksmind01
Okay, if you have time go ahead and let me know when you make it!
I've been writing my thoughts for years so I guess I don't mind about that any more hahahaha
Maybe try to write it as if you were telling me? Or telling her, or write like an introduction to yourself, explaining that this thoughts are TOP SECRET and doesn't mean it's exactly what you think, it just you trying to write them down.Â
Also, maybe what is making it difficult is that you want to write it so it makes sense, but sometimes thoughts don't make sense, or they come like a waterfall. So again don't worry about the writing not being perfect or not making sense.Â
And if you can't do it it's okay, it's a suggestion. It might not work well for you
Honestly it's a mixture of when I actually sit down it just leaves my brain last minute and a waterfall of emotions randomly come in. It's an endless cycle, I've had my note for a while and only wrote 5 pages worth at max đ.
Something that helps me personally is to listen to meaningful music. I know that's a common thing everyone does and it's no different for me lmao. I write down certain lyrics from musicians I like. I can talk for hours about lyrics in music and the subjective meaning behind them.
@Marksmind01
5 pages? That's quite some!
Music. It might be common, but it's special for you, so that's what's important. Also I don't think many can talk for hours about the meaning of the lyrics.Â
Have you been talking to her? Have you set a date of when she comes to town?
I haven't reached out to her at all. Mostly because I'm usually busy with managing things at home, time flies by and loose track of time. I may wait a bit just because I'm not doing too well internally, I just don't wanna be the downer in the conversation ya know. I also don't really wanna rush anything too.
I've mentioned before but there's just certain reasons why I worry to even hint at it. Because of some days I'm all good and some days I'm super down. I don't wanna be the reason why her or any of my friends feel down. There's certain things in my life that are out of control and I worry if it's make or break.
I've always told myself that if she finds someone else that can make her genuinely happy and provide more, then who am I to stop that? I would like her to be happy and healthy even if its with or without me in the picture.
@Marksmind01
First of all, sorry for replying late. This weekend I took a break of everything because I needed to recharge.Â
I get you, I relate to a lot you say. First of all, rush????? rush what???? 10 years isnât enough time??? Also we were talking about taking the first steps, baby steps, nothing is rushing. But think about something, letâs imagine she says yes, she has felt the same all this time, she wants the same as you and you are together, managing both of your lives together. Your life will be pretty much the same, you will have the same things in your life, some days you will be up, and some days you will be down, but every day youâll be with her. It isnât make or break, it isnât black or white, and it isnât all out of your control, there is more in your control than you think. Also, if somebody wants you, they will want your ups and downs. Wouldn't you to her? so why should'nt she for you
Do you remember the exercice my therapist gave me that I shared with you, about how specific thoughts make you feel, how certain you are it will go this way, etc.Â
And about the last paragraph, you have to be happy and healthy, focus on that. And then, you like her, you are interested in her, itâs okay if you canât say love right now. But, if she thinks she wonât be happy with you, if she thinks you arenât who she wants, you wonât stop it. Because she will tell you. But that we donât know now, what we know now is you think she is the one who will make you genuienly happy, etc etc so act based on that, act on what you know, and weâll see later what happens, and later what you need to do.
It's okay and I'm honestly still down but I'm still down to chat whenever. I don't blame you or anyone if a break is needed.
The reason why I say I'm in no rush is because 10 years ago I had planned and hope I would be in a better position than where I am now. To rip off the band aid, all plans I had crumbled a few years ago. I'm still recovering from what life has thrown at me. It's the "maybe if I enter a certain school or reach a certain academic level then I would consider myself good enough to match her level." It wasn't just her I have this mindset with everyone in my life. Everyone in my life are either doctors, therapist or some form of scientist. I want to match that level but I simply can't after multiple attempts. When everything came crashing down, I was so low I had to disconnect myself from other people because I was the most unstable I've ever been.
I opened up to my parents about how things fell apart. It was the biggest mistake I've ever done. A comment of "you better not have a gf because you have done nothing in life". That comment on top of others is still in my brain on repeat. It really hurt me because I dedicated so much time to do something good for others and for myself, my own health was at risk and by the end it still wasn't good enough because by the end everything fell apart. I may be in tears already just by typing this but this is just one of many reasons why I don't wanna rush anything. Things may seem baby steps for you but for me it's huge leaps of faith.
TLDR; I just don't wanna ruin anything anymore in my life. I don't wanna be reminded why I'm not good enough at anything or for anyone. I don't wanna add this to my list of Mess Up's.
Hello đ
I'm gonna start a new thing so it is more comfortable.Â
Now I totally get why are you struggling so much, and at this point is when I might stop feeling confident to give you advice because, even tho our life situation is completely different, on a smaller level, I have the same thoughts and feelings as you.Â
I understand why it's taking you so much, it is a gigantic pressure and weight on you. And you want to be sure you won't crumble if it doesn't go as you hope. Which I get it.Â
I don't know what else to say. You still have my encouragement. I do think it's important to have a good base to pick you up of you fall in this specific situation (with her), which it can also serve you to not get too high up if it goes well.Â
I assume what you mentioned earlier, about your life and mess and working to get it. I assume it is related to that.
I would put focus on what you really want, in life, as career, etc. Remember you are the one living it, the choices are for you and not for others.Â
And guilt, don't put too much pressure on yourself. And neither guilt. Many things are out of our control, many things don't work well for us even if we follow the right steps, or the steps you are supposed to follow. Everyone is different, this world isn't functioning that way but that's how it isÂ
This is why I mentioned the other day "I'm just some random guy". I'm not an attractive person for starters, I'm not the brightest person especially with the geniuses I'm surrounded with. If she can find someone who's more attractive and has achieved more than I have and can make her happy then I can only admire her from a distance. I still hope for the right time.
One important note I completely forgot to add is that her and I have a group of friends and we are a pretty close for a while before our group chay went silent (I actually met her through one of them back then). My worry is that I'm not sure how the other would react to that, I've never opened up to them about how I feel about her to them.
I also hope me opening up like that didnt drive you away or something. If it did then I'm sorry, I have opened up about my family situation before to a few friends but it all ended in not really talking anymore. So I do apologize for that.
@Marksmind01
Noo don't apologise đ you aren't a random person. You are sensitive and empathic and that is rare. And don't worry about your family, I have heard and seen many families haha
You are assuming for her it matters that her partner has some title or some career or something like that. But maybe she cares for other qualities. Do you even know that?Â
About the friends, I get the worry. Ixve never had a group of friends so I do not know the dynamics. But maybe I would prefer to just talk it out to her? And tell her about the worry of the whole groups. If you are together, you decide when and how to tell the others. But if you aren't together, I would thing it js also good to talk how to move forward.Â
We're talking about the future, which I'm quite sure neither of us knows.
I assume that might just add more pressure on you, but, you really do have a lot in your power. You can chose, you can use all you have learned, all you want to avoid, for this.
It's completely okay dont feel forced to reply instantly and honestly, this apps notifications are delayed for me so I see all messages very late anyway lol.
The more I thought about. I believe the reason why I assume she may wish to have a partner that matches her level of intelligence is because we basically have the same friends (except for the ones she's made at the university) so she's always with top tier intelligent soon to be doctor peirs. So maybe that's the average? And I don't consider myself super intelligent academics wise so that's why I don't wanna let her down. Idk if that explanation made any sense.
On top of trying to make my family proud, there's that extra level of stress and pressure to do well.
It's obvious now but there's a lot I'm worried about and some of which I realistically shouldn't be paranoid about but I constantly overthink my actions. Everything from how I word my sentences, how long my messages are and even the emojis I use. It sounds really dumb but when a friend told me that different colored heart emoji colors have different meanings, I overthink it a lot đ and to this day I still don't know what each color heart means, if any meaning at all. Idk if you know anything about this type of stuff.
It sounds so dumb reading this again as I type but that's just me being honest đ
@Marksmind01
I appreciate you being honest, this is how we can talk better! And so it would work with her.Â
I totally get your worries, it has happened to me too. But at some point you need to let go of it. You can't let worry control your whole life.
I don't think there is much I can say about this, since I think you alone need to realise it, and start to work towards it.
For example, with the hearts thing. I started using only the pink because it is the one I like, I found it silly to try to figure out the meanings when I was trying to communicate something simple.Â
Also, you don't know if she wants her significsnt other to be exactly like the people you and her and surrounded with. I would think most likely not.Â
And if she rejected you because she wants someone who is a doctor, it would be saying nothing about you. It wouldn't be saying you aren't enough, it wouldn't mean you need go become a doctor or whatever. It would just be her preferences, even if it's kinda snobby. But it would mean nothing about you, it would be about her.Â
With the overthinking, you need need start taking control over it. I know it will take time, I am still in the process. But you gotta stop your mind overthinking and getting paranoid. Slowly, cut those thoughts, and by time it will become easier and easier.Â
I used to always use the "red heart âĽď¸" and still do just because I literally do it to everyone. I didn't realize certain colors may have certain meanings only like 2 years ago lol these days I don't think about it too deeply but I gotta re-read certain messages just in case the message gets misinterpreted.
With certain events I don't get worried anymore. It's usually just the thought of certain things may affect me, a friend or my future that gets me paranoid.
I used to have a resting b..tch face (and still do but I just cant control it) and used to be told by some folks that "I look weird expressing more emotions" and I guess that's why I'm way reserved to myself. It's just insecurity about my face and don't wanna weird folks out anymore.
Used to get those comments when I was fat and skinny. So I'm at a point where I don't know what to do regarding that đ¤ˇââď¸. You don't have to respond with advice or anything on this part. I just wanted to mention it just to put it out there in the universe because it's something that's always bothered about my physical appearance that I can't change.
@Marksmind01
Sorry for the delay. I don't want you to think I left you behind, I was waiting for your new answer and to have time to answer it. But I was sick and I had a family event today so I was kinda busy.
I hope you are doing well as much as possible.
I am glad I was the opportunity for you to let out this. There isn't much to say, only that we cannot live our life, exist, taking all we project, and obeying all people say to us or might think of us. You know what I mean?
It's all good, don't gotta apologize for any delayed responses. I also hope you feel better because you mentioned you were sick. I totally understand what you mean too.
Something that I wanted to mention is that because I'm mexican, Day of the dead is coming up. My family lost my grandpa back in April and I realized I still hadn't fully recovered from that whole situation. I wish I can verbally tell you certain things since some thoughts are a bit hard to explain in writing. During this time of year I often think about the family and friends that have passed.
Even about a month or two ago roughly when I reached out to her about regarding how I'd recently stopped by the university she attends, she also mentioned that her family had at the time experienced a loss in her family. I gave my condolences and offered help if she ever needed it.
What I'm trying to get at about all this is that lately I've been thinking about how life randomly hits at the most unexpected moments. I thought about dedicating this years day of including not just my grandfather who passed away but also her family member even if I hadn't met them at all.
Idk maybe that thought it's a bit much especially since her family is Muslim and my family is Catholic. I've always believed that holidays such as Day of the dead could be celebrated by anyone imo. Also apologies if I go silent for a bit this weekend since it's day of the dead.
@Marksmind01
Yes, I feel way better but not completely recovered. Trying to stay warm and take care of myself, thanks for asking!
I hope you are doing well. Btw, I speak Spanish so if you were to be more comfortable we can speak in that language.Â
Donât worry, it is also celebrated here, and I am going with my family to visit the tomb stones of our family members who passed away.Â
I think itâs beautiful you plan to have her family members in your thoughts on this year day of the dead. You might have been of different religions, but weâre all human after all.Â
Mourning is a complex event. I have lost two close family members that I remember. My grandpa and my aunt. But my family is quite reserved, feelings and affection arenât really a thing, and difficult topics get swept under the rug. Which might be a different situation for you.Â
Still, I think itâs beautiful two people can share this moments, and talk this topics, in a caring way.
Out of curiosity, are you religious? And is she? Always if youâre okay sharing it!
I prefer to type in English especially since it's just an easier to explain certain thoughts but I do appreciate the offer!!
And I'm sorry you have had to experience loss as well my thoughts and condolences go out to you and your family đ.
Mourning can also can a tough one to manage especially since everyone deals with it differently but it's very important to at least offer a shoulder to lean on even if the other person prefers to be alone. I prefer to be alone when mourning sometimes but I always offer the helping hand.
I grew up Catholic but I'm not that religious tbh. I believe in certain areas but I don't think I'd be going to church every sunday morning. I do have a cross necklace my godfather gifted to me and it's always with me purely for sentimental and meaning value it has to me. Overall I'm not that religious all things considered but I do believe certain aspects.
However holidays such as Day of the dead or Christmas could be celebrated with everyone since it brings people together and that's what matters the most with those holidays. I've always been interested in learning all types of religions but I won't follow them most likey.
And with my friend I don't think she's religious, her family is from Pakistan and I'm assuming they're Muslim but I don't think she is super religious. If she is then she definitely hid it very well because I didn't pick up on it. I do remember back when she graduated from University (before she returned back for med school) she did wear what I assume to be Pakistan type clothing at her grad party, I wasn't sure if it was exactly for religious purposes but regardless I remember I told her she looked great in that clothing.
Overall in my opinion I don't think she's extremely religious similar to me. Sometimes I think about how would parents react if the child dated a Muslim girl/boy or a Catholic boy/girl. I have no idea if her parents are religious but on my side my mom is religious and my dad isn't as religious so I have no idea how they would react :/
hi