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alsea October 18th

@Marksmind01

37
alsea OP October 18th

@alsea

@marksmind01 did you get to do what we said?

9 replies
Marksmind01 October 18th

Hello!! I tried to but it became a huge hassle to make an account. I tried to make an account through the app and website but it won't save my username, it just kept resetting and not saving my name. I tried multiple times but after a while I just said 🤷‍♂️

8 replies
alsea OP October 18th

@Marksmind01

That sucks :(( well we have this, even if it's not ideal 

7 replies
Marksmind01 October 19th

True and honestly I don't mind, I'll still try and see if I'm able to make one again soon but I'll let you know if I manage to make one.


I still hadn't been able to write still. I'm not sure how to describe it but certain thoughts aren't possible to write down. Idk if that makes sense lol

6 replies
alsea OP October 19th

@Marksmind01

Okay, if you have time go ahead and let me know when you make it!

I've been writing my thoughts for years so I guess I don't mind about that any more hahahaha

Maybe try to write it as if you were telling me? Or telling her, or write like an introduction to yourself, explaining that this thoughts are TOP SECRET and doesn't mean it's exactly what you think, it just you trying to write them down. 

Also, maybe what is making it difficult is that you want to write it so it makes sense, but sometimes thoughts don't make sense, or they come like a waterfall. So again don't worry about the writing not being perfect or not making sense. 

And if you can't do it it's okay, it's a suggestion. It might not work well for you

5 replies
Marksmind01 October 19th

Honestly it's a mixture of when I actually sit down it just leaves my brain last minute and a waterfall of emotions randomly come in. It's an endless cycle, I've had my note for a while and only wrote 5 pages worth at max 💀.


Something that helps me personally is to listen to meaningful music. I know that's a common thing everyone does and it's no different for me lmao. I write down certain lyrics from musicians I like. I can talk for hours about lyrics in music and the subjective meaning behind them.

4 replies
alsea OP October 19th

@Marksmind01

5 pages? That's quite some!

Music. It might be common, but it's special for you, so that's what's important. Also I don't think many can talk for hours about the meaning of the lyrics. 

Have you been talking to her? Have you set a date of when she comes to town?



3 replies
Marksmind01 October 19th

I haven't reached out to her at all. Mostly because I'm usually busy with managing things at home, time flies by and loose track of time. I may wait a bit just because I'm not doing too well internally, I just don't wanna be the downer in the conversation ya know. I also don't really wanna rush anything too.


I've mentioned before but there's just certain reasons why I worry to even hint at it. Because of some days I'm all good and some days I'm super down. I don't wanna be the reason why her or any of my friends feel down. There's certain things in my life that are out of control and I worry if it's make or break.


I've always told myself that if she finds someone else that can make her genuinely happy and provide more, then who am I to stop that? I would like her to be happy and healthy even if its with or without me in the picture.

2 replies
alsea OP October 21st

@Marksmind01

First of all, sorry for replying late. This weekend I took a break of everything because I needed to recharge. 

I get you, I relate to a lot you say. First of all, rush????? rush what???? 10 years isn’t enough time??? Also we were talking about taking the first steps, baby steps, nothing is rushing. But think about something, let’s imagine she says yes, she has felt the same all this time, she wants the same as you and you are together, managing both of your lives together. Your life will be pretty much the same, you will have the same things in your life, some days you will be up, and some days you will be down, but every day you’ll be with her. It isn’t make or break, it isn’t black or white, and it isn’t all out of your control, there is more in your control than you think. Also, if somebody wants you, they will want your ups and downs. Wouldn't you to her? so why should'nt she for you


Do you remember the exercice my therapist gave me that I shared with you, about how specific thoughts make you feel, how certain you are it will go this way, etc. 


And about the last paragraph, you have to be happy and healthy, focus on that. And then, you like her, you are interested in her, it’s okay if you can’t say love right now. But, if she thinks she won’t be happy with you, if she thinks you aren’t who she wants, you won’t stop it. Because she will tell you. But that we don’t know now, what we know now is you think she is the one who will make you genuienly happy, etc etc so act based on that, act on what you know, and we’ll see later what happens, and later what you need to do.

1 reply
Marksmind01 October 21st

It's okay and I'm honestly still down but I'm still down to chat whenever. I don't blame you or anyone if a break is needed.


The reason why I say I'm in no rush is because 10 years ago I had planned and hope I would be in a better position than where I am now. To rip off the band aid, all plans I had crumbled a few years ago. I'm still recovering from what life has thrown at me. It's the "maybe if I enter a certain school or reach a certain academic level then I would consider myself good enough to match her level." It wasn't just her I have this mindset with everyone in my life. Everyone in my life are either doctors, therapist or some form of scientist. I want to match that level but I simply can't after multiple attempts. When everything came crashing down, I was so low I had to disconnect myself from other people because I was the most unstable I've ever been.


I opened up to my parents about how things fell apart. It was the biggest mistake I've ever done. A comment of "you better not have a gf because you have done nothing in life". That comment on top of others is still in my brain on repeat. It really hurt me because I dedicated so much time to do something good for others and for myself, my own health was at risk and by the end it still wasn't good enough because by the end everything fell apart. I may be in tears already just by typing this but this is just one of many reasons why I don't wanna rush anything. Things may seem baby steps for you but for me it's huge leaps of faith.


TLDR; I just don't wanna ruin anything anymore in my life. I don't wanna be reminded why I'm not good enough at anything or for anyone. I don't wanna add this to my list of Mess Up's.

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Marksmind01 October 18th

Hello 👋

alsea OP October 21st

I'm gonna start a new thing so it is more comfortable. 

Now I totally get why are you struggling so much, and at this point is when I might stop feeling confident to give you advice because, even tho our life situation is completely different, on a smaller level, I have the same thoughts and feelings as you. 

I understand why it's taking you so much, it is a gigantic pressure and weight on you. And you want to be sure you won't crumble if it doesn't go as you hope. Which I get it. 

I don't know what else to say. You still have my encouragement. I do think it's important to have a good base to pick you up of you fall in this specific situation (with her), which it can also serve you to not get too high up if it goes well. 

I assume what you mentioned earlier, about your life and mess and working to get it. I assume it is related to that.

I would put focus on what you really want, in life, as career, etc. Remember you are the one living it, the choices are for you and not for others. 

And guilt, don't put too much pressure on yourself. And neither guilt. Many things are out of our control, many things don't work well for us even if we follow the right steps, or the steps you are supposed to follow. Everyone is different, this world isn't functioning that way but that's how it is 

24 replies
Marksmind01 October 21st

This is why I mentioned the other day "I'm just some random guy". I'm not an attractive person for starters, I'm not the brightest person especially with the geniuses I'm surrounded with. If she can find someone who's more attractive and has achieved more than I have and can make her happy then I can only admire her from a distance. I still hope for the right time.


One important note I completely forgot to add is that her and I have a group of friends and we are a pretty close for a while before our group chay went silent (I actually met her through one of them back then). My worry is that I'm not sure how the other would react to that, I've never opened up to them about how I feel about her to them.


I also hope me opening up like that didnt drive you away or something. If it did then I'm sorry, I have opened up about my family situation before to a few friends but it all ended in not really talking anymore. So I do apologize for that.

23 replies
alsea OP October 21st

@Marksmind01

Noo don't apologise 😭 you aren't a random person. You are sensitive and empathic and that is rare. And don't worry about your family, I have heard and seen many families haha


You are assuming for her it matters that her partner has some title or some career or something like that. But maybe she cares for other qualities. Do you even know that? 


About the friends, I get the worry. Ixve never had a group of friends so I do not know the dynamics. But maybe I would prefer to just talk it out to her? And tell her about the worry of the whole groups. If you are together, you decide when and how to tell the others. But if you aren't together, I would thing it js also good to talk how to move forward. 


We're talking about the future, which I'm quite sure neither of us knows.


I assume that might just add more pressure on you, but, you really do have a lot in your power. You can chose, you can use all you have learned, all you want to avoid, for this.



21 replies
Marksmind01 October 22nd

It's completely okay dont feel forced to reply instantly and honestly, this apps notifications are delayed for me so I see all messages very late anyway lol.


The more I thought about. I believe the reason why I assume she may wish to have a partner that matches her level of intelligence is because we basically have the same friends (except for the ones she's made at the university) so she's always with top tier intelligent soon to be doctor peirs. So maybe that's the average? And I don't consider myself super intelligent academics wise so that's why I don't wanna let her down. Idk if that explanation made any sense.


On top of trying to make my family proud, there's that extra level of stress and pressure to do well.


It's obvious now but there's a lot I'm worried about and some of which I realistically shouldn't be paranoid about but I constantly overthink my actions. Everything from how I word my sentences, how long my messages are and even the emojis I use. It sounds really dumb but when a friend told me that different colored heart emoji colors have different meanings, I overthink it a lot 😭 and to this day I still don't know what each color heart means, if any meaning at all. Idk if you know anything about this type of stuff.


It sounds so dumb reading this again as I type but that's just me being honest 😂

20 replies
alsea OP October 23rd

@Marksmind01

I appreciate you being honest, this is how we can talk better! And so it would work with her. 



I totally get your worries, it has happened to me too. But at some point you need to let go of it. You can't let worry control your whole life.



I don't think there is much I can say about this, since I think you alone need to realise it, and start to work towards it.



For example, with the hearts thing. I started using only the pink because it is the one I like, I found it silly to try to figure out the meanings when I was trying to communicate something simple. 


Also, you don't know if she wants her significsnt other to be exactly like the people you and her and surrounded with. I would think most likely not. 


And if she rejected you because she wants someone who is a doctor, it would be saying nothing about you. It wouldn't be saying you aren't enough, it wouldn't mean you need go become a doctor or whatever. It would just be her preferences, even if it's kinda snobby. But it would mean nothing about you, it would be about her. 


With the overthinking, you need need start taking control over it. I know it will take time, I am still in the process. But you gotta stop your mind overthinking and getting paranoid. Slowly, cut those thoughts, and by time it will become easier and easier. 



19 replies
Marksmind01 October 24th

I used to always use the "red heart ♥️" and still do just because I literally do it to everyone. I didn't realize certain colors may have certain meanings only like 2 years ago lol these days I don't think about it too deeply but I gotta re-read certain messages just in case the message gets misinterpreted.


With certain events I don't get worried anymore. It's usually just the thought of certain things may affect me, a friend or my future that gets me paranoid.


I used to have a resting b..tch face (and still do but I just cant control it) and used to be told by some folks that "I look weird expressing more emotions" and I guess that's why I'm way reserved to myself. It's just insecurity about my face and don't wanna weird folks out anymore.


Used to get those comments when I was fat and skinny. So I'm at a point where I don't know what to do regarding that 🤷‍♂️. You don't have to respond with advice or anything on this part. I just wanted to mention it just to put it out there in the universe because it's something that's always bothered about my physical appearance that I can't change.

18 replies
alsea OP October 27th

@Marksmind01

Sorry for the delay. I don't want you to think I left you behind, I was waiting for your new answer and to have time to answer it. But I was sick and I had a family event today so I was kinda busy.

I hope you are doing well as much as possible.

I am glad I was the opportunity for you to let out this. There isn't much to say, only that we cannot live our life, exist, taking all we project, and obeying all people say to us or might think of us. You know what I mean?

17 replies
Marksmind01 October 29th

It's all good, don't gotta apologize for any delayed responses. I also hope you feel better because you mentioned you were sick. I totally understand what you mean too.


Something that I wanted to mention is that because I'm mexican, Day of the dead is coming up. My family lost my grandpa back in April and I realized I still hadn't fully recovered from that whole situation. I wish I can verbally tell you certain things since some thoughts are a bit hard to explain in writing. During this time of year I often think about the family and friends that have passed.


Even about a month or two ago roughly when I reached out to her about regarding how I'd recently stopped by the university she attends, she also mentioned that her family had at the time experienced a loss in her family. I gave my condolences and offered help if she ever needed it.


What I'm trying to get at about all this is that lately I've been thinking about how life randomly hits at the most unexpected moments. I thought about dedicating this years day of including not just my grandfather who passed away but also her family member even if I hadn't met them at all.


Idk maybe that thought it's a bit much especially since her family is Muslim and my family is Catholic. I've always believed that holidays such as Day of the dead could be celebrated by anyone imo. Also apologies if I go silent for a bit this weekend since it's day of the dead.

16 replies
alsea OP October 29th

@Marksmind01

Yes, I feel way better but not completely recovered. Trying to stay warm and take care of myself, thanks for asking!

I hope you are doing well. Btw, I speak Spanish so if you were to be more comfortable we can speak in that language. 

Don’t worry, it is also celebrated here, and I am going with my family to visit the tomb stones of our family members who passed away. 

I think it’s beautiful you plan to have her family members in your thoughts on this year day of the dead. You might have been of different religions, but we’re all human after all. 

Mourning is a complex event. I have lost two close family members that I remember. My grandpa and my aunt. But my family is quite reserved, feelings and affection aren’t really a thing, and difficult topics get swept under the rug. Which might be a different situation for you. 

Still, I think it’s beautiful two people can share this moments, and talk this topics, in a caring way.

Out of curiosity, are you religious? And is she? Always if you’re okay sharing it!

15 replies
Marksmind01 October 30th

I prefer to type in English especially since it's just an easier to explain certain thoughts but I do appreciate the offer!!


And I'm sorry you have had to experience loss as well my thoughts and condolences go out to you and your family 🙏.


Mourning can also can a tough one to manage especially since everyone deals with it differently but it's very important to at least offer a shoulder to lean on even if the other person prefers to be alone. I prefer to be alone when mourning sometimes but I always offer the helping hand.


I grew up Catholic but I'm not that religious tbh. I believe in certain areas but I don't think I'd be going to church every sunday morning. I do have a cross necklace my godfather gifted to me and it's always with me purely for sentimental and meaning value it has to me. Overall I'm not that religious all things considered but I do believe certain aspects.


However holidays such as Day of the dead or Christmas could be celebrated with everyone since it brings people together and that's what matters the most with those holidays. I've always been interested in learning all types of religions but I won't follow them most likey.


And with my friend I don't think she's religious, her family is from Pakistan and I'm assuming they're Muslim but I don't think she is super religious. If she is then she definitely hid it very well because I didn't pick up on it. I do remember back when she graduated from University (before she returned back for med school) she did wear what I assume to be Pakistan type clothing at her grad party, I wasn't sure if it was exactly for religious purposes but regardless I remember I told her she looked great in that clothing.


Overall in my opinion I don't think she's extremely religious similar to me. Sometimes I think about how would parents react if the child dated a Muslim girl/boy or a Catholic boy/girl. I have no idea if her parents are religious but on my side my mom is religious and my dad isn't as religious so I have no idea how they would react :/

14 replies
alsea OP November 3rd

@Marksmind01

Heeyy, I hope the cebrstions went well, and you did all you wanted to do. 

I apologise for replying so late, I wasn't quite sure on what to answer you, and I still don't know 😬

13 replies
Marksmind01 November 3rd

We went fine, we didn't have a party or anything, we just get up the candles and pictures and that was about it.


It's fine, I wrote that late at night and just rambled, I don't really remember typing that much lol. I hope you've been doing well btw my end isn't that great due to some family drama stuff, it's pretty draining overall.

12 replies
alsea OP November 5th

@Marksmind01

It's finnee, you're welcome to ramble even if I don't know what to answer.

I am doing okay. Haven't been great this past days, but slowly slowly. 

I hope the family issuse get better, or at least that you don't feel as drained by it 

11 replies
Marksmind01 November 12th

Hey! I hope you're feeling much better since we last spoke. Nothing too new on my end, still dealing with certain negative thoughts I've been having.


I did want to mention something regarding the friend I've told you about. Her birthday is coming up on the 28th and normally I try to write a little nice heartfelt message. I try to write birthday messages ahead of time just to comeback to it and fix any mistakes needed. This time tho its different, I write but I feel like I've repeated myself similar to last year's message and I don't wanna recycle texts.


I feel like I've hit a writers block and mixed with feeling down a bit paranoid if these type of thing is too much or too little for someone in my position.

10 replies
alsea OP November 12th

@Marksmind01

Heey, happy to hear from you! I hope you get to feel better soon! I am on a rollercoaster, so many things and feelings going on. 

Do you keep the other year's text? To check if it's too repeating. 

I would suggest leaving it for like 5-7 days to re-write it. Maybe you've already tried it, but try ti forget about it then go back to it and you should see it differently. 

Also, I guess you still keep the things you got her from Mexico. I think I told you her birthday would be a good chance to give it o her. What do you think?

Aside from the note, the gifts. They are thought specially for her, and it will be a plus from the note, if you end up not so convince about it.


9 replies
Marksmind01 November 16th

I hope things have been going good for you lately since last time we spoke. I got a little bit busy since my sister's dog we've had for many years got sick. Took some time away to cleary mind from that whole situation.


I found out it sounds similar to last year's is because as I wrote the text it sounded a little too familiar. I found last year's text and it was too similar. I hadn't even thought about rewriting since I'm trying to help my sisters dog. I'll probably try during the night when he's asleep.


The gifts where because just I thought the key chain was nice and the bookmark was unique because it's a crushed tree bark that has paint decorations on it.


Back in 2019 I did give her and along with the rest of my friends unique gifts. The girls side of the group I gave them all a little coin purse with their names burned and etched on the back along woth some candy from Mexico. And the guys side I gave them unique designed mugs and candy from my trip to Mexico.


Also if you don't mind me asking, it sounded like you have had some struggles in your personal life. If you want to talk about it, I'm all ears and you can mention as much or as little or even non at all it's entirely your choice. Regardless I hope things have been going well for you.

8 replies
alsea OP November 17th

@Marksmind01

Great to hear from you! I hope your sister's dog gets better soon, and I wish all of you can deal with this life problems with ease. 

May I ask for the day of her birthday. Maybe you told me and I forgot. I think you should give her the gifts, and if you can't get to write her a text you like, the gifts will do good. 

I assume life is taking all from you lately, so please if you want to set this aside it's fine. But my duty is to insist, so I insist in this being a great situation for you to give her the gifts and tell her about your feelings. It's okay if you don't have time to think, you don't need to. You know it. 

About my life, I have many struggles and things, I wouldn't even know where to start. I am struggling a bit with motivation, I have been trying to highlight the good things I have and appreciate it more.

But also last week I had a big issue, since when we left the flat I was living at with two other people in august, we didn't get our deposit back. It's a big sum of money, so it's pretty annoying. And we left it in perfect condition and everything fine, it's just the woman who is rude and seems like she has issues with money. The biggest problem and what has hurt me the most is the two other people I lived with want to proceed in different ways than me, and one of them treated me kinda rudely because of it.

Since you offered me, I will explain it to you, but no pressure in reading it all. I won't even proof read it, so I excuse if it makes no sense. If you want, just read it as entertainment hahaha

So this people were friend of my cousin, I didn't know them, and the 11 months we lived together were fine, we didn't become friend but we got along okay. I kinda dislike the girl, but it was just personal opinion, she didn't seem bad at all or did anything. With the boy we did get a bit more along and we had many conversations I hold deeply at, but we didn't become friends either, because I think he is kind of a people pleaser and changes a bit his personality depending on who he is with. 

So after leaving the flat and waiting for the legal days the owner had to pay us back, I proposed a way of proceeding (which I found online) as the right way to do so. My message got ignored and they said they would just call with the real estate agent. I didn't insist, which now I regret a little bit. This when on for a month, them just getting angry and saying they were calling back an forth with the real estat agent, and even called the owner and yelled at eachother because she refused to pay. Even tho this was done by their mum's, they left the country for studies so their mum's have been "taking care" of this. 

Also, we forgot our contract at the flat, which would have been convinient we kept. They asked me if I could stop by and see if any people were living there and ask them for it, since we remembered where we left it, and I am still living in the same city. I went two days after. I wanted a male older friend I have to come with me, because I didn't think it was too safe to approach unknown people's home lol. No one was there, I left notes under the door with my phone to see if maybe they just weren't home at that moment. And I also rang the door of a neighbour I spoke with multiple times, as she had legal beef with our flat owner lol, and she was always welcoming. But she wasn't home. I ofc let them know all of this. 

In October, the girl asked if we had any news. The real estate agent said we would have the money by november. 

One month later, so two weeks ago, I asked them how it was going. I even said I hope things were going well in their new countries and if it was very cold, to be polite and nicer. I got a voice message from the girl saying they had been doing stuff but no results yet, that's why they haven't told me anything but ofc they would've told me if they got the money and would've gave me my part. Which now I have been doubting. I answered her that okay and that anything they needed help with just tell me. 

A week later (last week), they told me that both their families spoke and decided to get lawyers and let them start the legal procedures since the owner refused to pay. She said we would just have to sign a paper, and the services would be 700-1000 euros between the three of us. I was like wtf that's a lot, and their explanations where so ***. 

They said they tried everything, but it was a lie. I started asking more questions. I was really angry at their attitude so maybe I was a little rude but I don't really care. They hadn't send any certified letter, for what I know all they did was just yell at the phone and trust on the real estat agent (which in my opinion has some fault as well and hasn't been treating neither of her clients in the best way).

I researched a bit online, and got the conclusion we didn't really need the lawyers, because we could start it ourselves since it isn't an enourmous sum of money we are owed. The guy told me he did the petition but there are some legal technical words he doesn't understand, and also that you need to go in person for it (reminder both of them are abroad). It hurt me they didn't count of me on this, when I replied to their message and offered to help always, and I already took care of many things they couldn't because of being abroad. So I was angry. This petition was done the last week of october, which makes me thing if the week after I didn't ask anything, they would've gone completely out my back with all of it, and it makes no sense since it's easier for all to do this together. 

The girl also accused me of not helping any bit, so if I didn't wanna pay the lawyers they would just proceed without me and I could get my part however I wanted. 

I think the lawyers they consulted told them they need my consent to ask for the money, as we paid it alltogether, they told me they cannot legally ask for my part. I think this is the only reason they told me about it, or else they would've gotten their part and never told me about it. 

Which would be okay, but it would hurt me and I think it's quite rude. So this week I've needed to handle all of this feelings, while I was consulting, asking and calling with many people, doing research, to find how to do it and if lawyers were really necessary. My conclusion is they are not. 

For what I found out, this woman most likelt has many debts, and some irregular *** with money that will cause her more issues. And I got the certainty we will win the case, so the owner would have to also pay for our lawyers. But if she doesn't have money, it will take years to ever get paid. For this reason I prefer to proceed without lawyers and stop losing money. I prefer to put time and brains, since I have more of that than money haha. 

This week has asked a lot of adulting for me, which I hate, and my parents haven't really been able to help more than lending me an ear. I am now starting to be more relaxed, as I realised this will take a very long time, and I still have the rest of my life to do. 

Classes go on, I had a doctor's appointment because I have fructose intolerance and I am starting the process to heal it, and I had a couple hobbies activities I signed up to, which I loved but for a moment made me very stressed with all the situation. 

My mum said she is proud of me of how I'm handling all of it, and I realise I have nice people in my life who I can trust with and will help me, and also I have things in my life that give me joy. Which makes me so happy and makes me be able to move on. 

That is life I guess

7 replies
Marksmind01 November 17th

Yeah that sounds like a good idea. If possible I'll end up giving the gifts and a small happy birthday message. Chances are that she'll probably be out of town for the thanksgiving week to be with her family since her birthday is on the 28th (thanksgiving day).


Some days I have this push to actually reach out but I immediately back down. I know I shouldn't let this happen but I legitimately can't help it sometimes. Maybe for a normal person this is a super easy obstacle but these things has always been an issue even as a kid. That extra push to actually do something is what I'm lacking a little bit.


I've read through what you typed and did my best to understand your situation. First off I feel bad for what you've been going through especially with legal issues. All this because it seemed like someone didn't wanna pay you guys back.


It's not the first time I've heard about someone getting into a similar legal issue. The issue is that it's a mix bag of what the outcome can be. It can be good or it can be bad, I think it just depends how much was needed to be paid back. Some people proceed and others don't simply because they may loose more money than what was needed to be paid back. I'm not sure if my explanation makes sense lmao but I still wish you and your other roommates the best outcome in this situation.


Honestly I respect and even admire that you're managing like a champ. If I where in that situation I know I wouldn't be able to manage now where near as well.


It is good to hear that your mom is proud of you. I know I'm just some random guy online but I am actually proud of you for how you've held yourself together through this very stressful situation, it may not mean much but at least you have someone else in this planet that's proud of you.


What other hobbies do you have or are interested in??? If you don't mind me asking. I have a list of stuff I like to do as well.


I'm 23 but I've come to learn is that life is a rollercoaster. There's highs and lows but it's good to have people for both highest and lowest parts of this rollercoaster called Life.

6 replies
alsea OP November 18th

@Marksmind01

it's so annoying to talk like this. I saw your message yesterday and it almost made me tear up so I wanted to thank you for your words. I will try to get time tomorrow and answer your questions and continue our conversation. 

I hope you have a nice day!!!

alsea OP November 20th

@Marksmind01

so will you be able to give it to her in person? Even if it's not on the birthday day? Or is this what you need to text her?

Tbh I get you, it is hard for me too sometimes. Do you think it's more because of the fear of being judged, or because you overthink the outcome too much? Or a confidence thing?

Idk what tips to give you. I am assuming now we are talking about meeting to give the gifts? Or confessing? If we go step by step, now it's more important her birthday, and I think if confessing your feelings is what's stopping you, focus only on the birthday. 

Thank you for reading my whole situation and trying to understand it. With everyone i talked has said the outcome is clearly on our favour since we did everything as we should from our part, but it will take time and work anyway. 

I've been feeling really down lately, a mix of everything I guess. And reading your words again made my day. I think it's been the first time I smiled all day, and I tend to smile easily. It means a lot to me, so thank you. 

I'm 21 and I am also slowly realising you can't really help when the lows and highs of this rollercoaster come. So instead of worrying about it and worrying on how to be prepared for it or putting expectations, it's better to know how to keep calm and how to take care of ourselves to overcome it. Idk I'm still learning hahaha

So surprisingly I do not know what hobbies I have, what things I enjoy. It's something I've spoke with my therapist a lot and she is like "You say you don't know, but then you happily tell me about this or that, so in reality you do know". 

I like reading, even tho I don't read a lot. One activity I had last week was a book club session I signed up to. I'm also taking polish conversation classes, and I really enjoy it. Which makes me think I enjoy learning new things, even tho it doesn't really apply to university haha. And then I also had a volunteering activity with some kids. 

I would love to hear your list of things you like to do!! And feel free to let me know anything you want 

4 replies
Marksmind01 November 20th

Ive been taking it one step at a time I just tend to think way ahead of the game than nescassry lol.


Overthinking has something I legitimately I can't overcome. I've tried to learn how other people manage with it but a lot of the times it just doesn't work.


My irl situation has been so hectic that I haven't even touched or even thought about writing the message. Sometimes it gets to the point where I need someone else to proof read it just in case if it doesn't sound too cringe or any spelling mistakes rip.


And you're welcome, I always try to lend an ear whenever someone needs to talk about practically whatever topic even if sometimes I may not understand what's happening. I am happy that message has made your day better !!


I've always wanted to get into reading but idk what too look for and I just don't have the time to actually sit down and process what's happening lmao. I did a lot of reading in high school for school work but it wasn't very good books and that experience kinda made me picky on what I wanna read.


My hobbies are very scattered lol. I like to draw on my notebook and drew on a drawing app when I had a tablet. I watch/listen to a lot of music and YouTube videos. I like the sport of boxing and MMA, just combat sports in general I find interesting. I also play videogames and that's usually my stress relief. It's a really just a tiny bit of everything now reading back the list LMAO 😂


Honestly, I'm half tempted to give you a social media. I have a *** or D. I .S .C . O. r. D. (Remove the periods and spaces and all letters the same size, I only wrote it this way because the original word will most likely get filtered out on this app) I have an account there and usually use to talk to friends when they're out of country, I'm open to give you my username on there if you have an account or open to switch to another platform.


I hope the way I typed the app name doesn't get filtered out lol. Guess I'll find it when I send this message

3 replies
alsea OP November 22nd

@Marksmind01

hey so I made a listeners account. I feel more comfortable keeping it here for now if it's alright for you. Go to browse for a listener and look up the name aquacircles. I think I should appear!! I'm not sure if we both need to be online 

2 replies
aquacircles November 22nd

@alsea

this is my listener account lol

Marksmind01 November 22nd

Awesome!! After I sent my last message I tried to make another but still get bugged out. I sign up it tells me there's already an account registered but if I try to log in it tells me that there isn't an email registered.


I'll send you message on your account then!!

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alsea OP October 22nd

@Marksmind01

Also I would love to keep talking, but I should try to get some sleep. I will get back to you as soon as I can!! Good day or good night, take care!

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PourOurHeart October 29th

hi