For Retr0ne only
Heyyy @Retr0ne
you can always rant here and I’ll try to respond as soon as possible. Don’t feel bad about yourself, please.
<333
@Retr0ne you have to come back. idfc how. but you have to. just *** come back
cheated death once again, sorry esha
@Retr0ne
i was so worried
@Retr0ne
I'm not asking you to come to cups everyday or reply to me everyday. it would be nice if you'd just tell me that you're alive and you've eaten something every few days. I love youuu friend.
im alive
ive eaten each day at least a little
i rlly am sorry esha
@Retr0ne
thats good you're alive and you're eating. dont apologise. you're just one of the only persons who welcomed me on cups when i was a newbie and i can not lose another person.
promise me you'll update me atleast once a week
i love you too esha
@Retr0ne
her birthday in 31 mins, i miss her, sometimes i wanna visit her but i cant float in stormclouds, the electricity can hurt but its deserved of me, sometimes i wish i saw her once more, or that i held her, but you know who i mean maybe, but she is everytin i ever had to mogovate wven when i dont havr her near me, i miss her, veen so long, tonights her bday, and i miss her, she was alwayz helpful anf tomight is her bday but idk wheR she is anf shes so oretty you ever hesrd of her? uou knoe her, alwayd love 5hr cloudy time
you were in love? she wasnt just a friend, was she?
(tw firsy timr in forwver for tw, was am aftet thokght rn homeayly.) she never just frind,everytingh to me shr sho lovr i mever had n make mr feel happu anf madr me smilr genuanlu smilr so happt. i panuckrd onr day afn i tolf her i xoulfny do rélatipnshio wiyj my terible menual helth. i dondt knpw shr prolly gad wotst day thst day n baf thinh akl cuz me n i maf at selr evry dau
i moss hre so mucj ebery seconf bcs she omly persom shoe ne real love n i omlu now rwalize it
i reached for a star.
and i burned as i fell down.
never trying goals, only hurts me .
i wrked so harrd to makr that word rigjt anf reasable
i really do not care about tw.
did she want a relationship? it just always felt that you, rain, millie, fallon, rose were all like a big family. you dont have to talk about her to me if you dont want to.
ik you miss her. ik you tried. i'm sorry.
ily friend. i'm here
<3
idk if i wanna talka bout i
it hurts when i remember anything
so i smoke every day to forget
every chance i get every second every opportunity, if someones willin to pass, im finna catch it, i need that next hit, not to get high, not to feel high, but to just feel numb.
to feel where i don't have issues at this very second
sure im broke affording it and it hasnt fixed my isses, it makes me from a constant state of disrepair to maybe a moment where i dont have to think about it, where im free, not forever though. i feel numb but ik its coming, i just wish i could be ok but between jobs and worrying about cars and needing to fix the engine internals and the dog having issues and just...all of it
i need an escape.
i will never tell a homie to stop smoking, bcs if that helps you work, helps you study, if that helps you mentally, physically, if its helpin, then its one thing i can help you with. ive seen people's cigarettes and joints go out and they give em a little kiss to bring them to life, ive seen people go from the road to a bench smilin for a sec with a momentary friend and a cig.
in five years if i make it ima go to a new state, new people, nobody would know me, care, expect me to be the same me i was yesterday, expect me to be a perfect valedictorian and not some pot head
im still gonna smoke tho
but this time for laughter, smiles in a new small town, with friends of every kind and veriety, and hopefully no memory of my life before
maybe one memory
i gots this homie, big b, he cool, helps me. he would light my cig for me and taught me the arts, he is the only person i wanna make say "im proud of ya" or smth, i just wanna make him proud in the end and whenever i think of it i start sobbing and then it messes with my high