growth path findished trigger warning
we wanted to share a growth path we finished. when we started our healing journey a friend who a social worker and survivor herself of abuse. she been helping us for years online. she asked us a question that we had to think on many times over the years.
her question was why do you not move away from family. this set us on a growth path. it taken us little less then 20 years to finish this growth path and many many times questioning her question.
at first our answer was we can not leave mom we to be there emotionally support her. she needs us to be there for her. if we leave move away she feel abandoned again. we just can not do that to her. we even at first did not believe she was abusive.
well years went by we was able to see she was abusive and even toxic to us. but we still stayed due to she needed us. we learned about codependency and few other things related to that. also distorted thinking ways.
well in may 2017 we made the big move out of daily abuse. we moved to a new city we did not know at all. learned to use the city buses to get around. this gave us freedom from daily abuse.
we also started setting better healthy boundaries. we only kelp in connected with parents mostly by phone. but for first few years we allowed mom to come stay with us for week at a time. we learned a lot more about our childhood that she had said did not happen. we feel due to age and well her health she was feeling need to tell us before she passed. she also know God and believes in Him so yes she could have did it out of fear of what was going to happen after she died. but even in this she made excuses for dad. oldest brother and herself. she say that she did best job she could with what she had. but we was blessed she did that too.
well we also would tell her when on phone if we said stop she would get 3 warning then we hang up. after we did this 4 times she started to listen.
we came a long way in our healing journey this was a very very very big step for us. yes at times would felt guilty for moving. but now we do not feel that way as it the best thing we could have ever done for our self. life is now free from daily abuse first time in life. but getting use to this too.
so finished this growth path feel good about it too
@stormieandpaws
hey stormie💜 reading this was a special experience, there have been many steps in getting you where you are and your headspace in each of them makes a lot of sense and shows how tiny steps form the big change
im glad you are living your life in an environment away from the abuse and feeling secure in your boundaries and enforcing them
im sure it hasnt been easy but you made it
im proud of you for that
and i know you will get to the other side of each path of healing and growth that you get into, even if it does prove difficult at some stage💜
@Listeningsarinn
thank you been hard healing journey started in deep abuse before we left my hubby but now ex hubb.y we had to move back to family that was not safe. the hardest part was when community mental health kelp not listening to us and kelp pushing us back on mom and that was also other family member.s that were our distrust of mental health people got even worst. but after moving we was finely heard, but not sure you know much about community' mental health. but it government funded but the mentally health workers leave all the time. so never can really get far with them due to as soon as you trust them they leave and have to start over with new ones. but we been blessed we had from all over the world good counselors and others who helped us for free. but we lost to death 2 of them and one of the others kinda retired even from online. the other one she we feel kinda goes by things worked in her own healing as being only things works. so we butt heads a lot but thankful for her help for 20 years. all them have helped us for free that been a great blessing. they the reason we so far in our healing journey.
we had our own forums for peer to peer support but we end up closing all them due to unhealthy ones came to that platform mostly flirting ones and worst.
so we here at 7 cups we came wanting to help support others.. but found it been a two way street. them here have helped us supported us way a lot. you been one of them so thank you we beginning to trust again and we opened up a lot more. yes it been hard and we been very fearful mostly of being rejected and tossed out like dirty trash or others trying to control our healing based on on their own healing path. but we not found any of that here.
so we thank all here at 7 cups for accepting us and putting up with us even when being untrusting, bullhead and melting down emotionally. but you all have not rejected us also not tossed us away like dirty trash.
@stormieandpaws
im super glad you had those people in your life all along and that you could find support, and i think your role in that part of your journey has been super important too, even if it did get pretty unreliable at times and even if some people were more harm than help and given you reasons to distrust the mental health support people you have stayed consistent and kept reaching out and trying your best to trust and not forget not everyone will be the same
thats definitely something to be proud of
and im so glad your experience on cups has been mostly positive as well stormie
with as much as i’ve seen from you in rooms you are an awesome person and you deserve the best