growth path findished trigger warning

we wanted to share a growth path we finished. when we started our healing journey  a friend  who a social  worker and survivor  herself of abuse. she been helping us for years online. she asked us a question that we had to think on many times over the years.

her question was why do you not move away from family. this set us on a growth  path. it taken us  little less then 20 years to finish this growth path and many many times questioning her question.

at first our answer was we can not leave mom we to be there emotionally support her. she needs us to be there for her. if we leave move away she feel abandoned again. we just can not do that to her. we even at first did not believe she was abusive.

well years went by we was able to  see she was abusive and even toxic to us. but we still stayed due to she needed us. we learned about codependency  and few other things related to that. also distorted  thinking  ways.

well in may 2017 we made the big move out of daily abuse. we moved to a new city we did not know at all. learned to use the city buses to get around. this gave us freedom from daily abuse.

we also started setting better healthy boundaries. we only kelp in connected with parents mostly by phone. but for first few years we allowed mom to come stay with us for week at a time. we learned a lot more about our childhood that she had said did not happen. we feel due to age and well her health she was feeling need to tell us before she passed. she also know God and believes in Him so yes she could have did it out of fear of what was going to happen after she died. but even in this she made excuses for dad. oldest brother and herself. she say that she did best job she could with what she had.  but we was blessed she did that  too.

well we also would tell her when on phone if we said stop she would get 3 warning then we hang up. after we did this 4 times she started to listen.

we came a long way in our healing journey  this was a very very very big step for us. yes  at times would felt guilty for moving. but now we do not feel that way as it the best thing we could have ever  done for our self. life is now  free from daily abuse first time in life. but getting use to this too.

so finished  this growth path feel good about it too