How do you know who you are?
I've recently come to the realization that sometime over the past few years I've completely lost myself. Or maybe I never knew myself to begin with, since I was a chameleon in high school and generally my entire public school career. This lack of identity is contributing to catastrophically low self-esteem which leads to suicidal ideation and increasing depression, as well as pushing my partners away and not fully trusting them or allowing them close to me. Suffice to say, there are hurt feelings all around and I don't know what to do about it.
I want to do better and be better, but in order to do that I feel the increasing need to figure out who I am. Because after all how can I authentically relate to other people if I don't know who I am at my core. Due to this though sense of self, I lack trust in myself and others. Because it can't trust myself, how can I know that my trust and others as well placed? How can I take them at their word if I can't take myself and my word.
Have any of you gone through this, and come out the other side? I'll be honest, I'm terrified, and I don't know what to do.
@initiatedmeow
IMO this is common so many of us play a role be who we think others want ....... we do not know who is the real ME. it takes time and is HARD because sometime we realize we have wasted time and effort to be something we simply are not.....
I have been going through this since earlier this year i feel more confident in who i feel i am but those who enjoyed you being what they want do NOT like you standing up and saying hey i do not like this or that i was playing a role for you.
I'm speaking for myself here (nonbinary/autistic), but hopefully this could sorta help? I am still figuring myself out, but allowing myself too stim in public (fidget toys mainly for me), wearing clothes that I like (helps me feel more confident), wearing my specialty underclothes (helps with my dysphoria), journaling my thoughts and doing doodles of the general topics I journaled about. Paying attention too my thoughts and why and when I started too feel said emotions, then figuring out which label too pin on that said emotion can help me (like, I have tinitintus and wore my headphones too long, and just noticed now, that my head feels numb, I think this is making me feel... annoyed?) Also keeping a picture collection of stuff i find interesting helps me pin down stuff I like.
Other offhand thing, not too long ago I had my hair cut, at first I didn't know how too feel, as it was drastically different from my usual way, but with time I found that it's easier too look at myself in the mirror, and it definitely took a lot of stress away for me, and I found that I felt more 'me'.
@0B did it help, I feel anxious to do what I really love and now that I m so consumed with the fear of judgement I can not do what i once loved to do
@initiatedmeow
check out The Journey of Self Discovery
@CompassionateSoul108
was the "The Journey of Self Discovery" meant to be a link?
@initiatedmeow Even I feel the same , I can really relate to this . I hope we find a solution to this.
Even I am trying to find out the same thing in my life . I had always tried to copy others get their validation and trying to copy styles and mannerism of popular person and to get admired from others. Now that i realised that i never admired myself and valued myself. Now I don't like doing anything I am at a position in life that slowly everything I prayed for is happening right now but i can not find any happiness in them I became a rude persona and past 3 years i had a financial breakdown and now slowly getting over it yet that trauma is still haunting me.I can not confidently talk to people.
You can always define someone by the company he keeps
@TareqRafiqul the problem is I can not find friends and that makes me feel even worse that I feel that I am a bad person, and Every people with whom I had my best friendship left me. I get that fear of being attached to someone.
@forcefulSkies5304
All of us are not expert at making or keeping friends but that doesn't make us bad person.
Trust in yourself.
@initiatedmeow
you know, a period of questioning and potentially depression is common for people who are truly becoming the best version of themselves. You must question and challenge who you are in order to grow into the best version.
I would just say trust the process and know that you are in the right place. Look at this as a chance to develop true congruence, true self esteem. And know you are supported along the way!
@WayJay
and with regard to “knowing who you are,” it’s very difficult to give a definite mechanism, as part of the process of growth is defining how you can identify who you are, yourself.
But it may be helpful aim for a mechanism to sense internally when something is congruent with who you are, and to sense internally when something is not. Expanded, joyful, high energy is typically associated with congruence and collapsed, inert, low energy is associated with incongruence.
@WayJay
just remember that the self is not an object and rather is the experiencer. What’s very important is that you accept yourself, a lot of which is already set, and allow that self acceptance to guide actions that get you closer to understanding who you are. It’s a long game, and quite entertaining!
I try to think of it as you are becoming who you are. And who you are will change over time. We can get lost in jobs, relationships, drugs, mental illness, status, etc…. So to avoid getting lost one very simple thing that helps me is to have personal daily self care rituals - baisic - brush teeth, wash face, etc writing in journal before sleep. Make these things rutine and it can help keep you from “loosing yourself”.
I thought I knew who I was for a very long time. Then I went through a psychologically abusive marriage and completely lost myself. Since the divorce I have been through quite an awakening journey. I am also a mom of 4 so over the years I have often realized that I have put myself on the back burner again, and I have to make a conscious choice to get back on track to move to the front of the stove for a bit. So, I work daily to move forward authentically and mindfully and to do the things that bring me joy.
So often we don't allow ourselves to express who we really are because of fear. Fear we won't be accepted or understood, so fear of judgement. Even judgement of our own selves, because we are often our own worst critic. This fear leads to limitation, lack, and resistance. There's also that fear that we are not enough. It takes courage to remember who we are, to love ourselves fully, to know we are enough, to know we are worthy. And remember you are on a journey of discovery in this life, so there will be times when you don't think you know who you are.
When I find myself in a state of fear, usually its the fear of not being enough, I take a few deep breaths and I ask myself "Who am I?" This reminds me to think about what brings me joy, what I love deeply, what I am passionate about, and what I am excited about. As I am thinking about those things I open up and begin to allow that joy, passion, love, and excitement through me....and those things that I am thinking about....that's who I am! I always end with stating out loud "I know who I am!"
I honestly believe that our entire purpose here on Earth is realization. To come into realization of all that you are, the integration of every part of you, and to love and be loved; to live fully, love fully and to be all that you already are! That's it!
Of course, then one must ask, what does "fully" mean to you? For me, to live fully means to do what I love and what brings me joy and to love fully means I love myself fully, love my life fully, and love others fully. Do the things I love that bring me joy. Do the things I'm passionate about and excited about. And if I am doing those things then I am living in my purpose and being who I was meant to be!
Hello,
I'm currently going through something like this now. I'm learning to trust myself that I will make the best choices for myself. I'm learning how to let go of the mistakes that I have made and learn the lessons about myself. The biggest thing I'm learning is to forgive myself for them.