Preggo and confused AF
Im currently 7 months in with my first baby. I feel so alone. Lonely. Unseen. Unheard . Unloveable. Unworthy.
The father was a guy i was on and off with for a few years. And hes the only bf i ever had. I already left bfor bcos of how narcissistic he was, mainly with cheating and just punishing me, yanno, that 'do as ur told or else' kinda thing..
When i decided to cut him off, i was no contact for 3 years. Plus, it was pandemic. I tried working on myself and for a while, i thought i was moving on.
That was until he managed to swoop me again with words. We ended up living together and within the first 4 months, i fell pregnant.
For some reason, it made him treat me like im nothing. Like he just couldnt be bothered with me. Like im just a pest. A neusance. He was drinking everyday and it always leads to fight. It gets physical, even though im pregnant.
He would keep me up until 3/4 am with the fights, go to sleep like a log and then he wakes up the following day like nothing happened.
Or, he would get on his knees, with fake tears, saying hes sorry, he loves me, he knows theres something wrong with him. Hel change. Hel never do it again.
When hes not drunk, hes on his phone all day checking out women. This is all during the time that he wont even touch me, looks at me with disgust, comments about my weight and body knowing im pregnant. Even in bed he only cares about himself. I feel so ugly. Insecure.
All of this while i work, cook clean, pay for everything. He even owes me quite some money. Even when im sick i need to force myself to do things. Cos i cant rely on him. He doesnt care.
He didnt helped me with anything. Nothing.
Now, its been a month since he had to get out of the country to sort out finances. Its been a month of him ignoring me, can barely treat me like me and my child matters.
And given everything iv witnessed the entire time we was together, i know what his 'busy' means. And its nothing productive. But he acts up like hes elon musk with every second accounted for and just cant be bothered to spend time with me. Even just on video call.
Iv been angry the entire time. Telling him how hes affecting me. All i got was invalidations, labels, that im just crazy overthinking, my hormones.
I cant get angry anymore. All i do now is cry.
I feel so neglected. So deprived. Abandoned.
I feel so used.
Idk what to do.
I dont feel safe with him. I cant trust him.
He says he loves me but hes actions, hes consistency, shows he doesnt.
I feel like he just back into my life bcos he saw im moving on.
He doesnt want to be back with me.
He came around to get back at me.
And destroy whats left of me cos i managed to get away bfor.
Im already preparing myself for the possibility of being a single mom. But im in a lot of pain. Hes the only man i allowed in my life. And everytime hes around, he leaves a trail of destruction.
I decided to just stop talking to him ignore hes msgs. And idk how to move forward.
Any advice regarding child support, custody?
I dont want nothing to do with him anymore, even though i still long for who i thought he was. He still have that power over me where i feel scared of what he wil do if i just cut contact all together.
Sorry for rumbling. Idk what to do. And idek if what im saying makes sense.
But i hope someone can help me have some perpective.
Thank u for ur time and attention.
@newmom95 Hey there. First, I would like to congratulate you on your pregnancy. <3 Second, I would like to reassure that while you may be feeling down right now, you are absolutely not unlovable or unworthy! It's unfortunate that you are going through all this, but I would like to remind you that you are soooo strong and there's nothing you can't overcome! You've got a beautiful life within you, mama, and you have to remain strong for the sake of your baby. You can do it.
I was always told that sometimes people can enter our lives for a season and for a reason. I know you mentioned, you left "him" for 3 years prior to him coming back in your life. This lets me know that you realized your value and your worth. And trust me, when I say your're worth more than all this. While no relationship is perfect and it all has its ups and downs, sometimes we have to ask ourselves what are we willing to tolerate? So ask yourself, how much is too much? No matter what goes on in relationships, no one has the right to get violent with you. Cheating is one thing. Getting physically violent is another. What is it that you want for you? What is it that you want for your baby?
It saddens me that you feel the opposite about what it true... but know this... I see you. None of what you feel is invalid. You have every right to feel the way you do. I just wish you could see you deserve more than what is being given to. No one should be mistreating you. Pregnancy can be such a beautiful time for some reason. I am so happy that even with all that is going on in your life that you have made it to month 7. I hope baby is doing ok and is healthy as he/she continues to grow. I hope that with whatever you decide to do is best for you and baby that it's a decision you can feel comfortable with. <3 As far as child support/custody, no one here would be able to give advice about those. Because each place's law varies, it would probably be best if you spoke with legal guidance about anything dealing with that.
At the end of the day, mama, your life is your life. You deserve to be treated with love, respect, and honor. You deserve to have someone who has eyes for you and you only. You deserve to be made to feel like the most beautiful woman there is in this world. You deserve all the best life has to offer. You deserve to be seen, heard, and validated. You are so incredibly worthy of all these things and more. I hope this rough patch for you ends up working out in whatever way you want. It's so easy to lose sight of who you were before a bad relationship. Please you and baby stay safe. Wishing you all the best. <3
@YourCaringConfidant thank you for taking the time and the encouraging words. Those are the nicest things i've ever had somebody tell me. the situation is driving me mental. my tears just well up out of nowhere, i could be drinking water at the kitchen then it would overcome me. i cry myself to sleep and wake up crying.
all the stress is taking up so much of my time and energy. i can barely do my work and cathching a good sleep is almost impossible.
thank you for the support. i really appreciate it.
having a child is new to me and im scared. im beyond scared.
i cant fathom all the responsibilities thats ahead of me.
i never knew my father. and although i dont want my child to grow up without a dad like me, maybe its better that way than my child witnessing their parents just hurting each other.
its all too much atm. and i cant see what ahead of me.
all i know is my resent, my anger, im insecurities, just this feeling of angst, is eating me alive.
thank you again for the kind words...
@newmom95 You are so very welcome. ♡ I'm glad I could offer you some words of encouragement. Awww, this will be your first baby. So sweet. I've had 2. When you mentioned crying, trust me I can relate. For me, it was my hormones and I had no way to control it. But what I noticed is that how we feel is constantly changing. It never is forever. While you may not see a way now that will not always be.
I'm sorry you did not have your father growing up. It takes 2 people to make a baby. Ideally, it's good if children have access to both parents. But keep in mind, the parents do not have to be together in order to co-parent. That's why it's important to ask how much are you willing to put up with? Some things have no place in relationships. Relationships cannot thrive if someone is tearing the other down. Forgiveness and respect is needed. Communication is important. Your wellbeing and baby's matter! ♡
@newmom95 I will echo in CaringConfidant's post and thoughts. Pregnancy brings about many changes and your hormones will be making you emotional and cry for no reason or to have thoughts and fear and worries. That is almost to be expected but you sound so strong, you are cared for and supported here.
I am a single mom of 2..I get that it is tough. It is scary being a single mom, but I promise it is much better to do It alone than to do it with someone who is toxic. And as much as you love this person, the relationships you model for your child will affect them for their relationships through their adulthood.
