Need Parental Advice.
I'm 23 years old, soon to be 24, and I can't get on my feet.
I have no family, no friends. No one to teach me how to drive so I can get to work.
Food has always been very low access, which has caused me to become very physically weak and unhealthy. I weigh 118. I've lost almost 20 pounds just this year alone, and for that I'm unable to sustain a job regardless. All I have energy to do day-to-day is stay in bed. Just keeping up with basic self care is beyond exhausting, and I can't do it most days. My body is focused on survival.
I've spent years reaching out to everyone that I can for help. Doctors, therapists, people around me, but no one knows what to do, and they give up after that. They leave me to stay in this situation. It's a pattern I can see continuing for the rest of my life.
I do my part in seeking help, but it seems like everyone has failed me in providing it. I'm making this post because I'm still trying to find help for getting on my feet. I'm still searching for the right people.
All I need is a place to stay temporarily while I study. I want to be independent, I want to be successful, I want to be healthy, I want to make new family and friends, I want an education, and I want to live my 20's, not waste them being stuck against my will. I work so hard to reach my goals—I'm currently trying to study coding through free websites—but all my effort means nothing when I'm in need of a little support towards my goals. Trying to learn these skills without proper support is impossible as well, I keep hitting deadends and can't progress.
I honestly don't know what to do. I have so many aspirations, but no way to reach them.
I don't want this post to sound whiny or pathetic. I've just been stuck in such a low place for so many years that I'm getting increasingly hopeless and desperate. I just want someone to see how much I want to succeed and give me a chance. To help me. To care about me. To be a friend, or family. This situation is incredibly painful, and I hope someone can provide honest help.
It may sound unrelated, but I think it's worth mentioning that I've spent a lot of time dreaming about being 'adopted.' Having real parents, having that connection, that support, the love, namely from someone who has always wished to be a parent, but never had the chance to have a relationship like that themselves.
In any case, thank you for taking the time to read this. Any resources would mean the world to me.
@UnseenxUnloved
Omg. Are you me? I relate to almost everything you wrote.
Me too I want people around me to see how badly I want to succeed. I just want someone to see my potential and come and help me.
My parents also were neglectful and never saw my talent and potential.
They never even talked about college plans with me.
It really hurts.
I'm also trying to learn coding through websites and courses online! But honestly I'm so depressed and hopeless that I just gave up for now.
But maybe I should get back at it.
I wish I could help you!!! But I sadly have no advice as I'm going through a similar situation.
If I'm being honest, your post made me feel like I'm complaining about nothing as I have my own place and technically can study, but mentally I'm so not doing OK that I keep crying and stopped eating for several days because of sadness.
I also relate to the trying to reach out for help and nobody reacting.
I tried to reach out to people, but was either dismissed or not taken seriously.
Nobody saw my pain.
I also went to see some therapists but they were so invalidating. One told me that they are starving people on the street and that I should stop complaining.
It's very painful and frustrating when you do efforts to reach out but nobody is there.
But I'm here for you. If you want to talk more about your situation or just vent, don't hesitate. I promise I will listen and try my best to support you. Even though I'm struggling myself, I really want to help people and alleviate their pain. So I'm here for you❤️
@Vector5
I really appreciate you wanting to help me as well, even during your own pain. Not wanting to see someone else suffer is something I relate with too, even while I'm suffering myself.
I'm very sorry that you have to experience the pain and isolation of neglect. Neither of us deserve that, no one does. But it's comforting to know we don't share that pain alone. ♥
And, being invalidated when you try to reach out is so hurtful – That's the only response I've gotten in person as well. But from a Therapist? You deserve to have much better support around you.
As for my post, I like and appreciate your honesty. Having my own place is something I desperately wish to have, but I understand that internal pain will follow you no matter where you are.
It takes time to heal, and everyone does it differently. I don't think you're complaining about nothing by any means, you clearly have a lot of hurt you're struggling with inside, and that matters just as equally as anyone else who's struggling.
Even if a Therapist may dismiss it for people starving on the street. It's not a competition. Worthiness and emotions don't go together. Any emotion you feel is valid, you can't control if you feel them or not, can't push them away or reject them.
It's just like breathing. There is no, 'Other people deserve more oxygen than you.' That's silly. Emotions are simply there, and it's telling you what you need. It's important to always acknowledge that. All hurt matters.
Being honest with you, I think the way people manage their own emotions shows up in how they respond to yours. If a lot of people invalidate you, as they do me, then they do that to themselves. You've done nothing wrong and you don't deserve it.
It's just about finding people who have put work into emotional management, or have a desire to learn, and are taking steps to work on it rather than suppressing or avoiding. It can be hard to find, but there will be some needles in a haystack, always. Just don't get discouraged when something doesn't seem to work out. Keep trying.
I also want to say that it's definitely a pleasant surprise that we're both trying to learn coding! You should keep pursuing it with me. (: I see how badly you want to succeed, and you deserve help in achieving those dreams. I really hope that for you. And me, too.
I'm not sure if there's a direct messaging option here, or a way to create a group room, but I have been spending a lot of time in the Sharing Circle since I came back here. I've been exploring the Member Community Room as well. Just in case you aren't sure where they are, they're under 'Chat' → 'Groups.'
@UnseenxUnloved
Hi! I really resonate with the fact that people treat other people's emotions they way they treat their own.
It's just sad my parents decided to have me in the first place. They weren't ready at all and made me suffer for nothing.
I understand they can't pour from an empty cup, but I didn't ask to be here in the first place so right now I'm just angry.
So many people told me to forgive them and move on, but forcing forgiveness is not a great idea. Right now I just don't feel like I'm ready. I don't want to hold grudges but I want to feel my anger. I never had the chance to fully feel it when I was a kid so now I want to finally be able to do so. In a safe manner obviously.
Honestly my experiences with therapists have been truly horrible.
I saw I think 6 or 7 in total and all were so so bad. One invalidated me and compared my pain to others, one told me I don't look depressed and she doesn't believe me. One was just like a venting machine and offered no insight or advice whatsoever. One was talking about her problems to me. And one straight up told me she didn't know what to do. And that's just some experiences I had.
The only nice doctors I met were at the ER.
And even there my parents didn't take the extent of my pain seriously.
When I came back home the next day, they acted like nothing happened!
It still makes me so angry...
The thing is, even if I have my own place, I still financially depend in my father. He is absolutely emotionally absent but provides me with money for the apartment.
But his coldness and emptiness sent me into such a deep depression I can barely function properly.
He treats me like I'm an object or something!
Last time I needed him to come and fix something in my apartment he came in, didn't even say hello or asked me how I'm doing, fixed the thing and just went away! It seems like I'm complaining about nothing but his treatment of me truly hurt.
He also used to beat me sometimes when I was a kid and my mother was just here standing and watching.
I felt so betrayed by her..
That's why I barely talk about her. She's like dead to me.
Sorry for venting, I don't want to overload you with my own problems.
If you want to we can keep each other accountable for studying coding.
What ressources are you using currently?
I stopped a long time ago but really want to get back into it.
There's a khan academy course about computer science so I thought maybe starting by this.
I know the group chats option but I don't really like it.
I'm mostly ignored in the gc and people are mostly negative there. At least that was my experience. Now I don't want to try again.
Sadly, there's no messaging option on cups.
But we can create a thread in the pen pal forum and chat there, if you want to.
