Difficult adult children
This is going to be rather long, but I’d like to get the idea out there. I am at the end of my rope and have nowhere to turn. I have 6 kids ages 30-16. We were your basic wholesome tv show family. I don’t know how things got so turned around. The 30 year old always was a star student and a good athlete. Well rounded kid. His third year of college they reorganized his department and he would need more credits and 2 more years of school, he hit burn out, had an ulcer and ended up quitting. Since then he has serious anger outbursts.
Second child 27, divorced with 5 yr old daughter. She married right out of high school, he was Air Force. She also developed and anger issue sometime after they moved to Dc. Hers aren’t as scary as his, but at the drop of a pin she will snap and when she does she is even mean to her child. Verbally abusive to her and anyone in her path. She moved in with us a year ago since the divorce since she had to go back to work and I’m the babysitter. She is messy, doesn’t clean or cook. Asks me what’s for dinner everyday and after dinner leaves the dishes and food for me to clean up. My house was clean and ready for company at anytime before she moved in.
Third child(25) had a baby to a guy she knew wasn’t sticking around. I also babysit her now 2 year old. She is also messy. Comes after work to pick up her daughter, cooks eats plays whatever she wants. Doesn’t clean any of it up then leaves. She also yells at me quite often, but not as explosive as the other two.
Fourth (23)married and helpful when she wants to be but not really a problem. Her husband is about the same.
The fifth(19) was my shy girl. Good student, did dance, and horseback, color guard. She started daring at 15. First guy(15) she said broke up with her because she wouldn’t have sex with him. Second guy (16) would walk through fire for her. They dated for a year. One day he saw her text another guy and asked her about it, she got mad and and started swinging at him and said he hit her. No marks and I one saw him swing. Next guy (19) was leaving for Air Force. She was head over heels, cried for days when he left, spent a lot of time with his mom and family. When he was coming home she begged for him to move in here. If not she’s moving out. We said ok as she was almost done with school and wanted to be sure she finished. He proposed of the plane in uniform. Both families did everything together. She started working late and a few other things that I asked about but seemed to be normal. She ran away one day was gone for 10 months. During that time she told people he assaulted her, I was abusive, and a series of other lies. The story changed every time some one else heard it. She did so many things I can’t even begin to explain. She came back pregant to another guy last march and I welcomed her back and paid for her lawyer to get out of legal trouble she was in. She and boyfriend moved in had the baby and I did everything from the baby shower to a crib and whatever else we could do. She got moody and irritable and one day got mad and exploded on sister that lives here and left again with the baby and told me I’ll never see the baby again because of her sister. I haven’t seen him and she is barely talking to anyone but third child with the 2 yr old. She has caused me more heartache than I thought possible.
You best child is 16, he’s a good kid and when she left he tried to be the man to help me. He is always waiting for me to be done with the grandkids and the crap with the older kids, but never complains. Which isn’t fair to him.
The two with kids take advantage of me and will not help watch each others kids to give me a break, I watch kids 6-7 days a week spanning from 3:30am - 9:30pm some days. Most often 6am - 6pm. And the moms don’t clean up after the kids because “ it’s not their house and they didn’t let the kids make the mess.” These kids as much as I love them are not parented much, so they’re a lot harder than my 6 were. I have to cancel dr appointments and everything to accommodate their schedules but they will not do the same for me. I am drowning, I am
overwhelmed and I have no life of my own. I feel they should come straighten up help with dinners once in while. On their days off watch the others child so I have a day off. My kids are ungrateful spoiled brats. Sorry for the long rant.
@placidNectarine2050
The key is they are adults. and one child... you are doing them a huge favor babysitting and they are ungrateful ... it is time for some tough love tell them certain days you are NOT available to sit with kids and the one living there is paying rent so you can treat each other like roommates. you will need to set FIRM boundaries. The making mess and letting you clean up is childish ... would they do that to anyone else simply because it was not their house .... NO or they would never be invited back. being a mom does not make us a doormat to be walked on.
I think the anger comes from them being disappointed in how their lives are going.... and they want to blame the world for choices they made.
your son may have been burnt out but starting over and time loss is most likely his reason for anger.
daughter with babysitting issues are selfish.......... The married daughter only willing to help / spouse too probably keep the distance because they see what siblings are putting you thru and even if they want you to stand up and frustrated you have not ( I was this one in my moms life).
The other holding grandchild hostage from seeing you until you do what she wants needs a big wake-up call . my siblings blackmailed my mom to debt with the ... you will not see grandchild again move.
Your 16 yr old son may be no problem, he may never complain but it is making an impression that he is not a priority.
This will effect the siblings relationships ... long term. I walked away finally told mom i could see her as long as she did NOT tell me all their drama. she did not manage that well .... i have not spoke to siblings in 10 years ... only saw them when mom was passing away . The damage is done i have only resentment that they wore her out and once she was GONE..... they had no where to go no one to pick up the pieces and the only skill they mastered is taking advantage and manipulation.
sorry your story hit a sore spot.... but i really feel you need to put your foot down not miss doctor appointments or such they need to learn to take care of things instead of expecting all done by you.
Thank you, I’m sorry you went through that, but truly appreciate you sharing it with me. It certainly gives me a lot to think about.
@placidNectarine2050 bless you, that's a lot to be going through🙁 you are a very good person, who has done nothing but love your kids🙁 unfortunately life happens and can take people down dark roads, but that is not your your or your responsibility. I think your kids need a good talking to and a bit of an eye opener. You can't keep going on like this, no matter how hard you try😥 I've never had parents or a family, so I'm not the best at giving advice here. But you should know you don't have to put up with this, you've done your job. Now it's time to get some respect or be strict with them. Gives you a giant tiny hug ❤❤ please look after yourself ❤