Burn out
Hi everyone,
so I apologize if this ends up being super long. I’ve got a lot on my mind right now, but I’ll try to keep it short.
I’m not really sure if I’m hoping for advice, or support, or what, so whatever you’ve got, I’ll take it!!
So, I currently have a 1 year old boy, as of a couple days ago, and I am 20 weeks pregnant. We just found out we’re having a girl. Unfortunately, this second one wasn’t exactly on purpose,… my birth control failed, so my kids are going to be 17 months apart. Everyone around me keeps telling me how great it is that they’re going to be so close in age, and they’re all so excited, (including my husband,) but I am just super overwhelmed. I already feel like I’m failing at EVERYTHING, with only having one.
He’s a year, and I still haven’t gotten him transitioned to a sippy cup, I can’t figure out what to feed him for solid foods, he’s trying to walk and is super close, and now I’m supposed to switch him to whole milk instead of formula. (I had to stop nursing when he was 7 months, because I got pregnant, and stopped producing. 😢) but they’re telling me I should have had him using a sippy cup for the last 6 months, and i didn’t know that!!
I also ended up on antidepressants and anxiety meds for postpartum, and I haven’t fully come back from that, so to have pregnancy hormones on top of that hadn’t been great.
I feel like the worst mom in the world, because I haven’t been bonding with baby at all since getting pregnant. I’ve just been super anxious, overwhelmed, and honestly, terrified.
I feel like my house is a complete disaster all the time, we’re always running out of dishes, I don’t feel good, and I don’t remember the last time I actually made dinner for my family.
On top of that, we live on a farm, so that’s what my husband does for work, and we love it, very it’s been struggling lately, so we’re at risk of losing the farm, he’s working crazy hours, but he’s on salary, and we just aren’t making enough to make ends meet, so money is tight, so now I’m looking at trying to get a remote job so I can still be with my kids, and I feel like we don’t have any help or support, because we don’t live near my family, and everyone in his family has a lot going on too, so they’re not really available to help with everything.
My baby is supposed to be coming in May, and I don’t know whether to try and transition my son to a bed, or try to get another crib, and either way we can’t really afford it, and the place we’re living in is currently still unfinished, so I only have one bedroom, and my son’s crib is set up in the living room, so we’re trying to finish the second bedroom before baby comes, but we just don’t have the time.
I feel like there’s too much going on and I can’t keep up, and every time I try I mess something up, and it all feels kind of hopeless, and I just don’t know how to be a good wife and mother anymore.
TLDR:
birth control failed, my babies are going to be 17 months apart. I’m super depressed, and feel guilty about it, and I feel like I’m completely failing at any and all benchmarks with my 1 year old.
Reading what you're going through was exactly what I went through when I was pregnant with my second child. Things will get better. Just take one thing at a time. With your first child, stop listening to other people telling you when your child is supposed to have reached their milestones. The milestones are your kids and not other people's. I stopped listening to other people and I was able to focus better. My own daughter never used a sippy cup. Shes now two and she drinks milk from her bottle, water from her water bottle, kids juice and milk from a straw, and water or juice from a glass. There is no right or wrong way, every kid is different. My kid is two and shes still not potty trained and thats ok. I have a one month old at the moment to focus a bit more too. While I was pregnant, I scheduled when I want to do certain things around the house. For this week I would do laundry, next week clean the toilet, the following week vacuum the house, etc. While I was pregnant I would find time to read so that I relaxed. As I scheduled the things to do at home weekly, I was able to find time for myself by reading throughout the day. Hope this finds you comfort.