Trigger: Intrusive s*xual thoughts
I am a 21 year old girl and I am seriously plagued by intrusive s*xual thoughts which are regarding other people's s*xuality. Following are the horrendous obtrusive thoughts that haunt me:
1. Most people indulge in consensual inc*st
2. Most people have their first s*xual experience ( ie any kind of penetrative and/or non-penetrative s*x) before age 13
3. Most males are r*pists
4. Most people who say they are straight, have, in reality, at least one s*xual partner of the same gender, so they are not at all straight, meaning most of the world is bis*xual
5. Many people are victims of r*pe( forceful a*nal, oral, v*ginal penetration)
And the reality is, I haven't experienced or participated in any of this. Infact I, at 21, am still a proper virgin, am totally straight, haven't been a victim of r*pe obviously, and am not even attracted to my cousins, let alone my parents and sibling. So God knows why I am being harassed by such thoughts but they are extremely bothersome and do not allow me to carry out my day to day activities properly.
It's such a struggle- if I see a teenage son wrapping his arm around his mom, I am like, " Oh my god, inc*st" or if I see two little kids kissing, which is quite common in the West, I am like they have already done the deed. Or when a year ago, my crush told me he is depressed. I just prayed that he isn't a victim of r*pe.
It's really a struggle. Please tell me if my thoughts do reflect reality or not and please guide me as to how to get out of these thoughts.
@Sanvee11
Hello. It's very hard to imagine the strength of the devastating feelings you are going through. Thus my first and foremost question would be: Have you ever tried to talk to a professional therapist?
You mentioned being deeply depressed and your messages are showing very high anxiety levels. Just adding some suicidal reflections to the mix... That sounds too dangerous.
That is the reason why, no matter how supportive your parents are and how much help you could get here, I think consulting a professional therapist would be crucial, just like for not letting things to get any worse. If you are unable to make such arrangements on your own, would you be able to ask your parents for assisting you with that?
Your intrusive thoughts about sexual abuse and sexuality at all must feel very exhausting 😕 It might be connected with your growing up, lack of experience in emotional closeness with another person being your partner, anxiety, and maybe even some anger of being rejected.
I know we are sometimes very much influenced by the visions of people (including the opposite sex) from our childhood, being some kind of landmarks for us and giving us sense of security. However, I believe that getting obsessed with someone, especially when it comes to the point of changing phone numbers and stalking them, is very unsafe for all the parties involved in.
As far as I understand getting a job or expanding your educational levels might be very important for you at the time? Then, how would feel if you postponed any decisions about marriage or having (or not having) kids to some time in (maybe not so distant) future? To not mention your worries about becoming middle-aged some day, which, from my experience, is even not half as bad as you may imagine 😊
How it could look like if the top priority for you now could be helping yourself to feel better, with depression and anxiety levels more under control, and living some more fulfilling, happier and more satisfying life as a person?
@jacek73 also, the group chats on this forum are horrible. Like, I tried to share my woes yesterday but the members were so horrible that they diverted the topic and started defending the glorious right of little kids under 13 to lose their virginity. One of them even reported me so I am unable to participate in group chats now. Such horrible brazen people! Sucks.
@Sanvee11
Sorry to hear about that 😢 Have you reported them (with any screenshots, if possible)?
@jacek73 no I couldn't. I just know their forum names, two of them I can remember well, a bit unsure about the third name. How do I report these horrible humans now?
@jacek73 thank you so much for your empathy and understanding. Unfortunately here in Asia, seeking therapy is a kind of stigma and my family wants me to sweep everything under the carpet and focus on my studies. They just get extremely vexed when I try to tell them and blame me for my thoughts. My mom doesn't even believe that true love exists.
I have not stalked my crush since 8 whole months now. Because I love him and I hope he himself will unblock me which he hasn't done yet. It hurts so so much to love someone so intensely since so long and to not even be liked back even slightly.
Another thing I wish to add. These intrusive thoughts never crossed my mind when I and my crush were on texting terms a year ago. But God knows why whenever my crush exits from my life like this, my mind starts to reek of these obsessive excesses. Either I am thinking of these 'pervert' behaviours of people or just obsessing over imaginary glorification of my crush. Like imagining how he silently suffers pain without telling his family so as to not hurt them, how kind and generous he is- he donates a portion of his salary for charity, how he marries the girl who had loved him so long out of humanity and how he later falls in love with her after realizing the depth of her emotions and sacrifices etc. So yeah my brain is rotting from these thoughts and it sucks. But thanks a lot for your milk of human kindness, pretty rare in this world.