Me at My Core

Hi...

I'm new here. I started yesterday. I started typing this without a title in mind, I'm sure I'll think of something.

The thing is all the tests I've taken online tell me that I do have OCD and the possibility is very high. I think some part of me knows that I do but I'm from a place where these things don't matter.

For a few years now, I've struggled with admitting stuff, it's just something I do. I've always said I'm not depressed but then I'd stay in bed for like three days in a row then I'd be happy again. It's hard to admit to myself that I have certain issues. But, my best friend — who I'm absolutely in love with, by the way — has helped me to admit how I feel better.

I'll be eighteen in a little over a month, and I don't remember a time when my father was ever there, I mean, he comes around now but what's the point? I think what I've struggled with as far as this whole thing is concerned is that I'm never going to be one of those people that has anything to say when my friends are talking.

Yesterday, it occurred to me that I may be bipolar. And I just really need help and I need to talk to people that understand. I don't have the resources to get the tests that verify certain stuff, but when like seven tests say that you are, doesn't that imply something?

So, this is me at my core. I have trouble accepting stuff and sometimes I make my feelings sound less than. I know there's more to me than this but sometimes, it feels like this is all there is.

XO,

Bee