Daily Chit Chat with a Friend

I'm feeling very under confident. I want to write but fear takes over me and I can't produce anything.

@Creamyyy

Feeling fearful and under confident can shut anybody down, so please don't feel bad about yourself or those feelings. They are normal. Tell us a little bit more about yourself. Do you mean writing stories and books or writing here to communicate with others. 💜

@IsayUncle

I think I had the worst day today; I felt like a complete failure because I felt isolated from my friend group, got rejected and probably re-thought my all choices in life and why am i like this.

@glisteningwind1

Awwww, that sounds pretty bad, I'm so sorry. It really hurts a lot when we feel rejected. Do not question your whole life because how someone else made you feel. We have no idea what others are gonig through and they can just be insensitive and mean sometimes. That's not on you! AT ALL! Trust yourself again and believe.

@IsayUncle Naps are good on the weekends! You do a lot during the week so you need to rest! Justin is napping too. I just rearranged the living room. We still have some random things that need to get out but I like it better the way I have it now. I forgot my medicine for a couple days but remembered it last night. I took it at 8 and got to bed by 11 so I think I'll keep that up.

@Psalm139

I guess trying to keep a house sorted with 7 people is quite the challange. I don't know how you are able to do it. I complain just about myself and one day dealing with 4 dogs.... you do it 24/7 - 52 - 365. That's actually pretty freaking amazing! 💚 The rearranged furniture is always a nice change.

i'm glad you figured out something with your Meds, that's important. It's not surprising you forget with all the stuff you have to do everyday.

@IsayUncle Thanks for your message. I thought maybe you were mad at me because I wasn't responding well yesterday. I was just kind of out of it. I'm sorry.

I think it's sweet that you had a dog that you were close to for so long. I don't remember you mentioning you were in the service either. Does that mean army, navy, air force? My dad was in the navy but he would have been older than you. He was in Vietnam.

Are you having an ok day?💙

@Psalm139

Hey, look at me, up at adult hours! haha. I have been napping almost all day long. I guess that cold really got me. I'm like you, I very seldom get sick and usually it doesn't effect me much if I do. I was a jet engine mechanic serving the Air Force in Germany during the mid 80's. My father was a cook in the Navy during the Korean War; I thought until I just looked up the dates. Hmmmm? Do you know what your father did?

I wasn't mad at you. You have got to be busier than a beaver during normal daytime hours. I was definetly out of it all day today. Actually, I just woke up and felt pretty good so decided to work on my paperwork for a while. How did things go with you today?

Did you ever finish your cabinets?

@IsayUncle I'm glad I got back on. I didn't think I'd hear from you tonight. Wow, a jet engine mechanic. That's cool! No, I don't know what he did or anything really. I just have pictures of him in his uniform and his Id card and the flag from his funeral. I did finish my cabinets. Justin said I can paint the brick like backsplash that is currently reddish with black. I want it to be off white instead. I just got done reading Frog and Toad with the little boys. My seven year old is finally taking off in his reading. So I have him read a page and then I finish the story. The idea is maybe he will like the stories and read them on his own. We haven't officially started school but things like that are just part of life. They also play with calculators and have learned some math facts that way😊. I'm feeling pretty good tonight. I'm relieved that you weren't upset with me. I know you wrote that message yesterday and I didn't get back until after you went to bed and I should have. I am busy but yesterday I had time but was just so spaced out. Emotionally drained maybe, or because I had been forgetting medicine, or dissociating like I do at times. I'm not sure. I forgot you said you had a cold. I'm sorry. I hope you are feeling better after getting some extra sleep. What paperwork do you have to work on? I have so many papers that I need to sort too. A big drawer full plus a file box with papers just piled in.

💙

@Psalm139

I couldn't imagine any scenerio where I'd get mad with you about chatting. (or not being able too) So, you can take that off your worry plate. I know you have harsh emotions in regards to your dad, but it is pretty cool you got his stuff. That was a hard time for young adults and many suffered all thier future lives affecting thier children like you. (I'm sorry). But I think it's good you have his stuff. Maybe one day you'll be able to see things from a better/different light.

Home schooling must really be an everyday thing and it must be so exciting to see them excell... That is so awesome! Good Job! 💚

I'm pooping out and do more paprework tomorow. Bills, Receipts, Bank accounts, Credit card statements, Emaails, Log new contacts and on and on and on.... UGGGh. Mostly I have to log all my monthly receipts for my side work loss/gain. i think my cold has subsided consderably. That be good for tomorrow... More paperwork. Uggggh again!

Good nite M - 😴

@Psalm139

PS, It's great that you're feeling good this evening. Awesome!😊

@IsayUncle hmm not too bad

@happyhues

3 wonderful words.... "Not too bad"... that's really good, keep it up!😊

@IsayUncle Oh sadly mine was bad, i got the flu and high fever 💚

@jasmineishereforu

Awwww, That's not good. Get plenty of Sleep and rest if you can.... without feeling bad about it. Meds and rest, I hope you get to feeling better real soon.

@IsayUncle Thank you so much 💚🙏🏼 That is very kind of you, ill try

my day is going well right now . I’ve been working on getting over my breakup , coming to terms with myself and who i am as a person and just being me and enjoying my own time

@brittbritt5600

I'm sorry about your breakup but a BIG congratulations on your self re-discovery. That takes a lot of courage and fortitude. Good for you, keep it up!

@IsayUncle I had a long day. I thought about the past more than the future. I felt bogged down. I felt like a failure toward what was my original goal of accompanying my love life around the world. I feel like I’m living a double life - a total lie.

@Bluekimberly

I hate hearing that. That is a very bad feeling when we start doubting ourselves. Our lives are a chain of experiences and most of time with honest reflection we can add new links to the chain that binds us to our past as well as our future. Try not to be too hard on yourself. Believe in yourself and make the changes you think you need. That can be hard but remember we are here to help. 💜

@IsayUncle Good night💙. I'm happy we got to chat a little. I'm getting tired too which is good. I took my medicine early again. That definitely helps.

I've been looking through the boys' language arts curriculum and I am excited to start. It will be easy for Bentley so he will focus more on the writing and just practicing reading, but I think Jax is ready to learn to read. If it turns out he isn't ready I will be happy with him just learning the letter sounds. They have separate math books. Jax actually understands math extremely well for his age so he will probably fly through his book. Bentley is very smart too but doesn't like to do his work. He'd rather draw. He is amazing at art (like his sisters) so I don't blame him, but of course we still have to do academics. But it's a struggle. He is just like my oldest, extremely smart but also very strong willed and artistic. Not much for being told what to do!

Anyway I'm going to bed. I'll talk to you tomorrow 💤💤💤

💙

@Psalm139

Good morning. Thats really great about the kids. I guess the older ones will always try to sow thier oats but it seems like you have a wonderful attidude towards handling that. That was a fun, uplifting read, thanks for sharing. It seems you have high-lighted thier strengths and that is powerful good stuff! I'm glad you're staying up with your medicine especially when you can feel the difference... that's awesome.

Nothing new here, paperwork, housework, laundry, errands, pets and etc. I'm doing well with the paperwork but still have a lot to do. 😜

@IsayUncle Good morning 💙. I didn't sleep well at all. I'm thinking it was the coffee I had too late maybe, or the nap. Anyway I still got up. Justin says he is doing the trim in the kitchen today. I'm going to do the dishes and stop to help as needed. I will have to take a picture so you can see my cabinets 💙. Good luck on your projects and cleaning! Check in later, ok?

@Psalm139

That sounds like a good project for you guys to get done. Love to see a picture! I hope you don't feel too tired but you know, rest as you need too (and can).

@IsayUncle I actually feel pretty good considering. I'm going to try not to take a nap because it will just make it hard to sleep tonight. I got most of my dishes done because I'll be painting around there and don't want things in my way. It was a good motivator. I will get you that picture later on today or tomorrow. Hopefully we will get at least that area of the kitchen/dining area finished. Have you been able to get some things done today? 💙

@Psalm139

I missed this post earlier, I would have responded sooner. How did you make out with your kitchen project?👍 - i hope! 💜

My stuff was rough this weekend, still working on things 😟. I think I was much further behind than I thought, took time to help others, and that cold shut me down pretty good for two days. I think I evisioned a great success with a 4 day weekend and so I'm pretty dissapointed at one level but grateful on another that I've gotten done what I did. Maybe soon, I'll find a weekly rhythm. You'd think it would be easy for a single guy with no obligations to others to find rhythm. it's OK though... keep pushing.😎 Stay Cool -

@Psalm139
It's beddy-boops for me, you have a good night.

Now I feel blessed

@Tharuka

Thanks for sharing, that is wonderful.🙏

It’s been alright feeling slightly stronger than yesterday but still working through it

how about you?

@greenCucumber7204

That's good, sometimes it's hard but when we feel a little better we know there is hope. May your betterness quadruple in the days to come.

Myself? Just hanging on this weekend but proud of that... Holding Fast is good!😊

@IsayUncle

I truly agree. Having someone asked me a day how am I doing? Felt such a great relief knowing somebody cares for you.

It's a Happy Monday for me. I am stronger to face the stress of the coming week. Work stress most especially.

Start the week happy and it will follow everyday. :)

@Jewelmoon17

That is wonderful wisdom to start the week off with! for sharing and hopefully work takes it easy on you this week 😊

^{@IsayUncle It's ok you missed my post. You have a lot of people to respond to. We don't have to keep talking back and forth if it's too much.}

^{The kitchen isn't done but I think I will be able to finish tomorrow. Maybe I'll work on it more tonight, idk. Getting tired but it's only 6:30. Sorry you didn't get as much done as you wanted. I guess I didn't either really but I have low expectations of myself. I just know I never can do everything I want. My highs don't last long enough.}

@Psalm139

Hey, we were talking at the same time. haha. We'll talk more tomorrow... good night again. 💚

@IsayUncle Good night

@Psalm139

Hi M, Good Morning,

I noticed you keep feeling a little guilty for the time we take together. I really enjoy our chats but more importantly our budding friendship so you should have no worries about our short replies or long winded conversations. Envision this... We are neighbors and we see each other in the yard so we chit chat. But we enjoy each others company so we might look out our window every now and then to see if the other is on the porch and happy to see the other, we go over and have a longer conversation or often the other is not there, though we might feel disappointed we shouldn't feel let down, mad, or bad in any way, just happy when we do see each other again. If we talk too much, we shouldn't feel bad for running off at the mouuth, that's what friends are for sometimes... to listen to the rants.... without judgement. I understand your dependency might fit into the dynamic here so that makes things a little trickier for you. At least I think so. That might be part of it but that is not you or your whole and it does not define you nor does it elevate the blessings you bring to the world! 😊

I do not consider you an invalid that I'm obligated to come visit and care for, But a friend I look forward to sharing stories with and chit chatting. I think I feel your fear of getting too close and that is normal considering what you've lived with your entire life. If you can, let's put that on the back burner for a while and just be good neighbors.💚

@IsayUncle Thank you for saying all that. I do feel like you might feel a little obligated to talk to me. I see so many others talking to you and you are so nice to everyone and I just don't want to be too much. Everything you said was right and I needed to hear that you see me as a friend and not an obligation. So thank you. I'm sorry for being so insecure about everything. I worry too that you might not be able to say how you really feel because you are kind of the support person in this thread. But you can tell me how you are feeling, if you are having a hard day or feeling down. I don't want you to pretend to be ok. I know all about doing that. I do hope you are feeling good like you seem to be.

I'm sure you can tell that my emotions have been pretty raw the past few days. I am trying though, working on sleeping earlier and just trying to work through it. It's just hard sometimes. I know you know how that goes. How is your day going?💙

@Psalm139

I'm sorry to hear you've been feeling rough but I imagined it might be so because of the funeral and all. I've had a shit weekend and today is no different. I've fallen into a quagmire of overeating and procrastination. Everyday this weekend I thought I was going to do better.

Did you guys do ok with the kitchen?

@IsayUncle Ah sorry your weekend hasn't been great either. Maybe today will be a little better. Do you have one thing you could accomplish that would make you feel better?

It's hard for me to break those habits when I'm not feeling well mentally. It is so much easier to do nothing and zone out. And rest is important too, but it's hard to find a balance sometimes.

I got the kitchen about half done yesterday. It has a brick backsplash and I have been painting it white. It's super hard to paint in the crevices. I think I can finish today though. I also want to look again at my teachers manuals. I got some pretty highlighters and post it note tabs so I can keep track of where we are in each book and what activities I want to focus on. You know me and my pretty colors lol.

I got a few $1 card games for the little boys that I thought we could play at the motel or at the lunch after the funeral. Justin's aunt is also making each of the kids a little gift bag with a snack and something to do for that time.

I feel like crying but I'm just trying to get through the day and act ok, you know? 💙