Justifying my self love
I'm not sure if this is the right place to talk about this but here we go
So a little context, I'm a 20 year old female I work in long day care I've been in a relationship for 5 and a half years, my work isn't treating me right and they have favouritism between staff therefore I do everything and get blamed for everything other staff in my room are very lazy but my boss favourites them so it never comes back on them. I've had some big struggles in my relationship with my partner lying to me and cheating on my heart by flirting with other woman, he has a lot of female friends (this is important) and some recent ongoing health struggles.
I need help with self love, I buy so many clothes to justify my self love, I put such high standards on myself and i don't feel good enough most of the time, I do so much work at the gym and am obsessed with it, I'm obsessed with eating right and I'm obsessed with buying clothes all of this can be put down to my feelings of wanting to compete with everyone, especially wanting to compete with my boyfriends female friends, and try to feel like I am enough thanks to work always indirectly telling me I'm not, I try to practice self love to settle these behaviours down but I don't know where to start
Thank you to anyone who reads and responds
@Katelizabeth
Hi Kate,
well, there is a lot going on here. Work places can get very cliquey, but you are doing a valuable job that isn't everyones choice and should be honoured for that.
I don't know if you have tried the practce of Lovingkindness, as taught within Buddhist meditation and mindfulness. I'm not a Buddhist (although some of my best friends are lol) but this practice can have truly magical effects on both you and the people around you, when practised over time. Here's a good one - a bit fast at first, but you'll get into it. https://palousemindfulness.com/meditations/lovingkindness.html
You are making a LOT of assumptions, that can be summed up as "I'm not appreciated by anyone, including myself" and TBH I wonder if that is really true. I would want to look at that as well, but the two things do go together so working on the one will help challenge the assumptions of the other too.
@Katelizabeth Hi! I am sorry you are having a difficult time. Everyone competes to some extent. It is when we go past our limits or boundaries that we have not set for ourselves. That is my thoughts. I have been through similar situations and developing self-love requires, in my opinion, focusing on ourselves as I know myself that we tend to love and care for others but fail to do so for ourselves. I am currently working on self-love and have been working at it for several months now. I had to look in all areas of my life in relationship to how I was going to implement changes as I was going deeper into depression with my percpetions of situations in relationship to myself. I just recently completed the self-help guide listed on the forum resources. It helped me to begin clearing my own mind and realize that for myself it was my perception of situations that others are better than me, or not good enough. Each of us are an indivdual and each of us is importnat and deserve self-love.
@Katelizabeth
HI Kate nice to meet you and thank you for sharing with us
I'm sorry to hear of your work stress. I really can understand what your going through-really! It can be very tough when you do not get recognition but everyone else does. I changed companies due to this- and still kept my client
I can only suggest this as it really did and still does help me. If you communicated to your best ability to those you need to-but nothing has changed, maybe looking for a new job is wise. Don't quit unless you have another lined up. Also alot of over looking things and do not let it sit inside you. Have to shake it off and make your own glory as to say. If you know you are doing your best-no one else matters.
Relationship issues I truly run from lately-lol. But i feel your stress and unhappiness but yet don't know what to to. Maybe set aside a good time for the both of you and have a good deep chat. No argueing, no getting up and walking away-but true listening. See if even 1 thing gets resolved and be proud of that. Be sure you are being mindful of your mood and body language-take many deep breaths hun.
Self love is complicated-it can be. Can be a journey to accomplish this only due to our own personal expectations we want for ourselves. When we do not meet these expectations we settle for nothing and try harder and more-it is very exhausting.
Self Love: https://youtu.be/KOc5Xa0hLJw
How to learn to love yourself: https://youtu.be/ZwKYDUldqd8
It is good that you treat yourself to some good clothes, or go to the gym....now it's finding that balance to where you are truly doing it for yourself to feel you deserve it. Self love developes in small baby steps-not anything material or someone making you feel this. Self love is something only you can develope. I wish you well on this discovery. Remember we are here to support you-keep sharing keep asking questions
