An alternative
I've always found the "be kind to yourself" softy approach very unappealing
I have been homeless and deprived and so on
I have rather an extreme mindset
I wonder if I can put it to use? Like some people cross the Antarctic or whatever. I feel like you need a certain hard mentality for things like that. Not everyone wants to be warm and cosy doing crafts and eating "yummy" things, like most people on 7cups seem to promote
I just feel I should embrace my natural propensity to push things to the extreme? Rather than trying to make myself feel better in ways that are frankly too soft for me. I see people living their lives and it seems like they enjoy the things that really don't mean a lot to me
@WhatNameidk
Right now I am on an extreme diet to lose 16 pounds. I eat as little as possible and keep it in my mind at all times. Maybe this is how I can achieve things? I know people will say "oh you should just lose a pound a week" etc but I don't think like that so I am going to try my way of doing things, even if it's not seen as healthy
@WhatNameidk A lot of people recoil from suggestions of self kindness. I think there is this an idea that we should be in some kind of boot camp to toughen ourselves up. It may not be entirely without merit but it doesn’t have to be the one and only way someone lives. Self kindness isn’t necessarily pampering and soft. It is probably more useful to think of it as a strategy. Suppose you’re badly wounded and need a surgeon. You don’t really want them to throw dirt and salt in the wound and stitch you up. You won’t really heal that way. The surgeon must carefully treat the wound. They may tell you to limit activities until you heal. If you refuse to take the surgeons advice you won’t heal. The surgeon is a metaphor self kindness. We don’t always need a surgeon, but when we do we want them to be skilled. We don’t want a five year old with a toy first aid kit. Similarly, we don’t need to wrap ourselves in cotton candy and a bubble bath to be kind to ourselves. But we do need to know when being hard on ourselves is not useful. Your internal life (thoughts, feelings, emotions) are human. Not something to be tamed or beaten into shape. You can try to cross the Antarctic in a T-shirt and that would be foolish. Wearing a parka is self-love. It’s not weak, it’s wise. You don’t have to throw away your tough spirit, just consider it’s not the only life tool you need.
@PineTreeTree
Sooooo well said!💛💛💛
Lost 1.25 pounds when I weighed myself this morning. Did calisthenics yesterday and walked 7 or 8 miles and didn't eat much. I use nicotine to curb hunger - yeh I know it's not healthy but oh well like I said I'm not the healthy steady in moderation type...
@WhatNameidk i get where you re coming from i might be a bit similar in that way and for me i just wanted to get ahead or be better at life and a lot of positive mumbo jumbo didnt resonate with me so id tell myself if i need to get ahead i need to be mentally well enough to get through anything and i d do that by talking to people and tell them to not beat around the bush and give me straightforward answers on what i need we all get nerfed in life and if figuring out my emotions helps me win at life thats what i will do.
the way i think about it, "being kind to yourself" can mean many different things.
for some it can absolutely look like taking some time to relax, or treating themselves to something "nice".
but for others it can look like not beating themselves up when they make a mistake, or putting the effort in to something that will better their lives.
i would say it mostly deals with being accountable for how you can show up better for yourself!
@gddave
Yeh thats true. I feel like a lot of us want to achieve and be someone and that doesnt necessarily come about from wrapping yourself in a blanket and eating cake. Or telling yourself you are wonderful as you are
@WhatNameidk but sometimes it absolutely can.
some people are so focused on achieving that they forget to take time to slow down. it can also have a major affect on mental health and relationships (whether it be a spouse, friend, or child) if someone cant take a step back from constantly focusing on achievments. im not saying challenging yourself isnt good, its great. sometimes, for certain people, slowing down is the challenge.
@gddave
Honestly, most of the things on this site baffle me as to how anyone feels motivated or more positive after reading the generic "you are worthy" type posts. I cannot truly comprehend how anyone feels inspired or reassured by all that stuff
So i am well aware that people want or need different things to me. I'm not talking about them tho. The thread title is literally "an alternative"
@WhatNameidk
I agree. You need to be be hard on yourself and disciplined to get things done. Which is something i am trying to work on but fail miserably
@WhatNameidk
I like the phrase you used of "embracing my natural propensity". That feels like a perfect way to expand or generalize the idea of "be kind to yourself" to make it more flexible and open-minded.
Instead of "kindness" being a practice of continuous softness, it can be reconceptualized as honoring the direction where things want to go, whether that's a soft direction or a hard direction.
Presumably different people will have different preferences for how much softness/hardness they want, the same person might experience variation over time in their preferences, and so on. I can push myself if I feel attracted to strictness/harshness, and then I can relax at some later time if I'm exhausted/burned out.
From this perspective, forcing softness on someone who isn't currently oriented toward softness could arguably be seen as a form of unkindness -- because it's not honoring their natural propensity. But there's also still room for the conventional understanding of kindness (which is what makes this a generalization); if someone is oriented toward softness and that's what they need, then forcing hardness onto them is unkind. It's a matter of flexibility and goodness-of-fit.