One Issue I have as a Man is my Emotions?
I spend too much time alone. I have spent too much time thinking about the differences between the way a woman thinks and the way a man thinks. I have ready that women use both sides of their brains. Left is the logical side, and the Right is the emotional side. Where as men tend to use the left side the most, making the way He processes the world more logical. While it might be true that I process the world in more logical manner, I can tell you for sure that I got plenty of feelings. In recent years, I have found myself saying "I feel this or that about something".
Logically I have everything I need to survive. At least for now. Yet emotionally I feel empty, and disconnected. Logically it is really hard to fix my problem and I probably will never be able to fix it, and yet I don't need to fix it because I'm surviving. At least for now. Emotionally I feel awful about it. And if you are not sensitive to my situation, I will emotionally become angry, or frustrated at you. But my logic will kick back in, and it will hold back my emotions some, I will try to calm my emotions some so that I don't lash out at you.
Just before I started writing this, I was thinking to myself. What I really want is to feel happy. I think my sexual attraction to women actually causes me some of these issues. You want what you can't have. When it comes to trying to find a woman, the internet is like window shopping. You think to yourself, it would be nice to have that one, but she's not going to respond. You don't got enough "money" to buy the product. I don't mean literally mean money in this instance. But in some cases one could literally mean money. What I mean by "money" is having what it takes to make her want you back.
I think my logic did a good job helping me put this into writing.
Now the internal fight of truth begins. Marriage doesn't always equal happiness. Don't expect that Woman to make you happy. You got to be happy single before you can be happy married. Emotions don't care about these logical truths do they?
@tryingtosurvive2024
Actually, I've had some reflections on that. One of the "pocket psychology mantras" says you have to be super happy alone to become as super happy in a relationship (or unhappy in a relationship, as you wisely noted).
I believe in real life that is a little bit different. I think it is about some "zero level", like with the temperature.
When your self-esteem, happiness, overall life comfort are below zero, there is a risk you might attract personality types who can make your relationship "below zero", like someone disrespectful, neglectful, abusive, in an active addiction phase, or any other way emotionally unavailable. Or you could sabotage your relationship by yourself, thinking that anything good is not something you deserve.
When you accept yourself and your being imperfect, at the same time doing your best to improve, there is a big chance your attitude to your partner and relationship will be the same, and you both flourish. Though being in a relationship requires more compromises (to be treated as win-win, not as loses), clear and open communication. And not everybody might have been created for that.
As for the money... Isn't that ironical that in the world of equality, where women take roughly 50 per cent of all jobs, including those well-paid, some of women still have the patriarchal expectation for a man to "provide"?
As for the online dating, I don't have much of a good experience with that and I wouldn't call that "window shopping". Because things sold in the windows are more often real, and people on the dating sites are often non-existent versions of themselves, based usually on their imaginations, extended checklists for partner candidates and highly overgrown demands. So, I believe it's people who look average online usually make vastly better partners in real life than those "gods and goddesses of the online illusion". Last but not least, these sites earn not on your finding someone, but on your searching for...
@jacek73 I will say one thing positive about my writings on 7Cups. They seem to attract thoughtful people like yourself. Everything you wrote me, I have basically said at one time or another. Anyways I'm not on dating sites anymore. The last time I was seriously on a dating site was back in around 2013, I think. I can still remember the last conversations before I decided to pull the plug on it.
I remember meeting this one woman. And I remember thinking to myself, "Why do I meet such strange people?" She was finally a local person that I could of met in real life, only due to the things she would say to me, made feel like I didn't want too. There was noway I could ever introduce her to my parents. They would think I was crazy to be interacting with someone like her. I think she needed therapy.
The last person I had met, lived a lot longer ways away, and I didn't even find her photos attractive. But at least she was someone I could talk too? Or so I thought. She wanted me to call her. Unfortunately that week, I had come down with a cold, and wasn't feeling well. Yes I went to work, but I was just sludging through my 8 hour night shift at the school, with a runny nose. Finally after I started feeling better I was able to carve away some time I could sit down and talk on the phone. I got up the courage to try calling her.
I had finished work, but still had some time left before I could go home. I walked upstairs to a private, sort of hidden room that I could try calling. She picks up, and I tell her who I am. She said, oh, I'm sorry I should of emailed you, I found someone, I guess God Bless. Very awkward! Feeling kinda frustrated by all the bad ways I had been getting treated by those online, I decided to see if I could make her stay in the phone for a few minutes. I did. grrr. After we hung up, I thought about my past. I thought about all I have gone through from 2002 - 2013. I asked myself, "Why do I keep putting myself through this?" With a long sigh, I said, "I don't know." Sigh. That night, when I went home, I got on all the dating site accounts I still had, and deleted all of them!
@jacek73 Thank you for your comment. 😊
as a woman, they don’t.
The sides-of-the-brain thing is mostly mythical, in that the human brain is much more complex than just having functions distributed by halves. Also the more primitive (& undesirable) emotions are generated using the limbic system & cerebellum, which are not limited to one half of the brain.
@tryingtosurvive2024
I would say one thing. When you refer to a man and woman, you are looking at the outer covering. Find yourself, you..the energy..the soul..The moment you do that..You will find peace and happiness within. And once that happens truly (not easy but possible), you with or without a partner are complete by yourself.
Take care.
@RKAhamBrahmasmi have you found that within?