My lesbian diary

Hello everyone,

I'm starting a diary I'm shy and introverted. I am nervous around women and unsure of how to meet new people. I am poor trying to support myself through architecture school as a 22 almost 23 year old. i can't afford dates (unless I take out loans lol). My parents are homophobic, terrible people for guidance, and mostly unsupportive of all my choices. I have autism and ADHD and socializing is harder. If I was used to it and could afford going out every day it wouldn't be so hard. I feel that I cannot afford a social life. As I speak I guess I am more tempted than ever to take out loans. I've never had a gf I've only dated. I've never had sex, it was hard for me to understand my body with autism with alexythima but I feel finally ready and I understand my own body. I tried to have sex with a man and my body shut down and I couldn't speak. We didn't have sex thank god. I can't tell if it was me not understanding my alexythima or my lack of attraction to men. Dating men felt so fake it was fun but too easy and I just never cared. Then men would hit on me and I would be angry or hurt (I wish they knew I was a lesbian). Idk does anyone else think that being gay is expensive? That's all for now. There is not much I could afford and it makes me nervous when I try to hang out with people that anxiety hangs around me. I'm not very happy and don't have a lot of energy and I feel very introverted more than I have before. I just really hope that once I do the ground work of what I am doing for college and earning money, I hope I can start to relax and enjoy myself. I would love to start dating and to have enough money to date. Any advice is welcome thank you all!