Questioning or not?
I have a history of trauma. I can not see myself romantically involved with a man ever again. And due to a lot of issues with not having that good enough mother as a child, I look towards females. However, I know one can not replace that loss, I'm still working on grieving it. I want to make friends with females, as I never had that as a child either. I have and do feel a huge desire or crave a close relationship with a female. I have actually confused my desire for this with love for, of all people my therapist. Of course I brought it up and we talked about it. I don't want to bring it up anymore. So it's why I'm here.
How do I know if I truly am a lesbian or if it's just part of the friendship/ closeness that I'm more attracted to. I have been with women before. Just a one time thing.
When I think of being with a man, friends only, since it has not happened as men will cross or have crossed my boundary and I decided it's not an option anymore. Do I think sex with a man...not so much. A girl...very much more attracted to that image than a man.
Is this something that I need to bring back up in therapy once I have found a friend, (girl)and see if these feelings come up to judge if it's one way or another??
I don't really like labels on sexuality but it would just help me to understand where I see myself, I have thought asexual or ???
Thanks for your support, suggestions or advice...have a great weekend!
@Quest4me2
It sounds like you have the challenge of questioning complicated by trauma. It can leave us feeling sort of tied up in knots trying to understand what is "real." For many sorting out their identity separate from their trauma requires processing the trauma and understanding how may not have changed what they want, but more what they are willing to want, or how they are willing to fill that want.
Overall it is a very personal journey of self understanding, and while having a label can be comforting, it can be very hard to find one that fits. I tend to focus on understanding what I want as the most important thing, and what I call it is more about simplifying communicating that to others. It does sound like at the moment 'questioning' might be a good label for the feelings you are having but only you can decide if that's right for you.
There are more and more labels every day I still learn new ones all the time, most recently I've been learning some that actually incorporate the effects of trauma into the label. For example, caedsexual is an asexual spectrum orientation, defined as someone who had experienced sexual attraction at one point, but that it has been "taken away" as a result of trauma.
So many words, but ultimately understanding yourself and what you want and need may be more useful than any name you give it. You mention wondering if it is something you need to revisit in therapy, ultimately I would ask if you feel that will be what you need?
I hope that you will be able to listen to yourself, and find answers to your questioning.