Feeling stuck and confused
Hello there. I am a cis girl. I have 3 trans friends and a nonbinary friend, and I feel particularly distant from one those three aforementioned trans friends. (She rejected me romantically as well, and that kind of triggered the descent into my own hyperanalization of transphobia.) Many other events, the other 3 people I've mentioned deepened my descent even further. It makes me wish I wasn't cis so I could truly understand how trans people feel when they share their experiences on the Internet, or they see something transphobic which to me is not evident. All of this self-doubt has built a preference for trans people rather than cis, and a desire to be included in trans online spaces (but never actually did, nor will, unless I turn out to be trans myself, if ever). When the friend I've mentioned earlier, the one who rejected me romantically, said, in a discussion about neopronouns "You know a lot more than I did before I came out, but you can't know everything because you're not trans" . I know the intention was not to hurt me, and to educate me, I suppose, but in that moment I felt like she gatekept me out of my own community. I have no idea why it happened. She also called me entitled for having confessed to her (this was my mistake, she wouldn't have known if I'd kept myself from doing it).
I need some guidance, especially from a trans binary person (I'd prefer a trans woman). Nonbinary people welcome. Or, if you're a cis person with a similar experience to mine, I would like to hear your thoughts as well.
Thank you in advance, and sorry if I sound confusing or insane. I am also sorry if everything I wrote is bigoted in any way.
Hello @Aqua7281 🤗
It sounds like you're going through a complex and emotionally challenging time. Your desire to understand and empathise with your trans and nonbinary friends is commendable, but it's also important to recognise that some experiences are unique to individuals and their identities. Feeling excluded or misunderstood, especially after a romantic rejection, can be really tough. It's okay to feel hurt and confused.
Your friend's comment about not being able to fully understand because you're not trans may have felt exclusionary, but it's likely coming from a place of expressing that some experiences are very specific to being trans. It's not about gatekeeping but rather acknowledging different life experiences.
It's also important to remember that being an ally means respecting boundaries and understanding that some spaces are specifically for people to explore and express their unique identities and experiences. It's okay to feel a desire to connect and understand, but also important to respect these spaces.
Regarding the feeling of being called entitled, it's worth considering that romantic confessions can be complex in any friendship, and this can be even more sensitive within the LGBTQ+ community due to various dynamics and vulnerabilities.
If you're looking for guidance, maybe reach out to LGBTQ+ support groups or forums (such as this one), where you can share your feelings and get perspectives from both trans individuals and allies. Your efforts to understand and support your friends are valuable, but it's also crucial to take care of your emotional well-being and seek understanding in respectful and appropriate ways.
I hope this helps ❤️
