Bisexual?
28F in an engaged hetero relationship. I never questioned being "straight" growing up. I was raised Christian and I think I always had crushes on boys, at least that I realized/admitted to myself. The thing that started to make me question was p*rn. A few years ago I happened to watch lesbian p*rn, because my bf, now ex, thought it would be hot. Anyway, I discovered that I liked it more than I thought I would. I find myself wanting to watch lesbian p*rn specifically sometimes. Even if I feel guilty about it, I still end up watching it, usually. And I know it's not just because it's sexual, because I have tried to watch gay male p*rn and that doesn't do it for me, even though I am attracted to men. After the confusion over the p*rn, I have been thinking about real life. I have always been drawn to butts, no matter who what gender the person is. And more recently, I have been looking at female breasts in a sexual way I think, especially like on a screen, but sometimes in person.
I used to think I admired women's bodies in a like " I wish I looked like that" way, but maybe there was always a bit of "I wish I could have her" or something idk. Also, hot girls making out seems to excite me, as a straight couple in like a movie or something. I do remember once when I was a kid, I was attracted to a nb or trans boy. I thought they were a cis boy, until I was told that they were an acquaintance's "granddaughter". This made me a bit confused, because I still liked them, even though I felt like I shouldn't or it was "wrong". I just kinda wrote it off then and tried to avoid them because the situation made me feel awkward and nervous.
I have been trying to avoid these feelings and concerns because I thought they don't even really matter because I am still super attracted and in love with my fiancé (M) and want to marry him and I don't want to ask to open the relationship or even really tell him or anyone if I am actually bi, because I'm worried it wouldn't go well. But I keep feeling more concerned/confused. I have even kinda started to think about what it might be like if he left me and I let my self try to explore with a woman, like friends that I know are gay, and the idea of dating them is or is almost exciting to me. I want to talk to a queer person about my concerns,but I'm too nervous to admit it to anyone in my actual life, because I don't want anyone to know. So, I came here for anonymous opinions. lol
Does anyone resonate with this? Do y'all think I might be bisexual, or am I just a straight hypersexual that overthinks too much?
@turtlegirl9696 it matters what you think but this is something to think about you could be interested in peoples bodies because as a bisexual person you have to think about if you’re going to want to be with this person and are you going to be happy with them but if you think you’re gay or straight, that’s fine too.
I'm not sure, i guess it's only you who could found out what your sexuality might be.
I have similar story to you, a christian who notice that i might turn out to be bi. Cuz i have girl crushes since highchool, not the one on my phone screen. But a girl i met on school, and now on college. So i guess it might be true
But last year i met a guy and dated him, and when were dating, i have no interest in no one else. Not guy not girl. I mean even tho we're could be bi. But its important to stay loyal for who with us now.
I think if you are considering being in a serious relationship that leads to marrying, it’s important for your partner to know that piece of you before marriage. After all, if they truly love you they should accept you as you are. I say this as I am a straight woman who just found out that my husband is bi, and he’s known since before we ever even dated. We’ve been married for 6 years, together for 11. I always felt there was something he was keeping from me and like there was a wall built between us that I could never pinpoint. But the secrecy led to a lot of problems in our marriage that could have been avoided altogether had I known this about him. I do sympathize with him for being afraid to tell people this, because his family is very religious and close minded and already outcasted him for his personal interests that were different from most of his family. He didn’t want to be shamed or outcasted even more. It especially makes me sad that he didn’t feel safe with me because I wanted him to always feel safe with me regardless of what he felt or needed to communicate. But he assures me that was not the reason he didn’t tell, he just knew he was bi but so afraid of what it meant to tell someone who meant so much to him. He would always think of the worst case scenario which was me leaving, so he kept it from me even though there have been times and conversations where he wanted to say something. I feel like subconsciously I always knew and I would even guide conversations that way but he would always lead me the opposite direction. It caused pain and problems in our marriage for both of us that could have been avoided, so I just hope you keep that in mind as you decide whether or not you tell someone you are considering marrying. It doesn’t change the way I feel about him and I actually feel closer to him than before because he’s finally breaking down the wall and letting me see and know who he truly is. I’m still trying to educate myself and and understand him, and he is finding newfound freedom and weightlessness because he knows he doesn’t have to be ashamed of this part of him and the important people in his life still love him. I know that’s not the case for everyone unfortunately, but based on our experience I think it’s seriously worth considering and having that conversation with whoever you want to Marry. My sister discovered she was bi years after marrying her husband but she was open and honest with him and he accepted her as she is. It comes down to what both partners are comfortable with in the area of how to explore that side of the relationship, and my husband and I aren’t open to and open marriage right now but we are both interested in finding other ways to support his bisexuality. Honesty and open communication are so important in all aspects of a relationship, and I hope you find someone safe to share your story with. Best of luck to you
Thank you for your response! I haven't known or at least been sure for long and have been terrified like your husband was , even though I love and trust him and he makes me feel safe. I actually have a good update, though. Earlier today, I brought up the topic with my fiancé, and he was very understanding. He actually had an ex that was bisexual before, and he said it didn't bother him. I used the old "friend" instead of me tactic, though. He was very chill and not negative about it. I want to tell him tomorrow that it's really about me, but I think he already suspects. He "joke" asked me "you aren't bi are you?" and I copped out with a non yes or no answer, a half truth that I'm not proud of. But I asked him if he would see me any differently if I was. He said no, and he seemed genuine. I'm so relieved. It's like a huge weight off me. I want to tell him tomorrow. Definitely won't be telling the family, though. And I trust now that he won't, he never outed his ex.
Update! I told him and was very supportive and not at all insecure about it. I feel so much relief and closer to him. Thank you so much guys! :)