Bisexual?
28F in an engaged hetero relationship. I never questioned being "straight" growing up. I was raised Christian and I think I always had crushes on boys, at least that I realized/admitted to myself. The thing that started to make me question was p*rn. A few years ago I happened to watch lesbian p*rn, because my bf, now ex, thought it would be hot. Anyway, I discovered that I liked it more than I thought I would. I find myself wanting to watch lesbian p*rn specifically sometimes. Even if I feel guilty about it, I still end up watching it, usually. And I know it's not just because it's sexual, because I have tried to watch gay male p*rn and that doesn't do it for me, even though I am attracted to men. After the confusion over the p*rn, I have been thinking about real life. I have always been drawn to butts, no matter who what gender the person is. And more recently, I have been looking at female breasts in a sexual way I think, especially like on a screen, but sometimes in person.
I used to think I admired women's bodies in a like " I wish I looked like that" way, but maybe there was always a bit of "I wish I could have her" or something idk. Also, hot girls making out seems to excite me, as a straight couple in like a movie or something. I do remember once when I was a kid, I was attracted to a nb or trans boy. I thought they were a cis boy, until I was told that they were an acquaintance's "granddaughter". This made me a bit confused, because I still liked them, even though I felt like I shouldn't or it was "wrong". I just kinda wrote it off then and tried to avoid them because the situation made me feel awkward and nervous.
I have been trying to avoid these feelings and concerns because I thought they don't even really matter because I am still super attracted and in love with my fiancé (M) and want to marry him and I don't want to ask to open the relationship or even really tell him or anyone if I am actually bi, because I'm worried it wouldn't go well. But I keep feeling more concerned/confused. I have even kinda started to think about what it might be like if he left me and I let my self try to explore with a woman, like friends that I know are gay, and the idea of dating them is or is almost exciting to me. I want to talk to a queer person about my concerns,but I'm too nervous to admit it to anyone in my actual life, because I don't want anyone to know. So, I came here for anonymous opinions. lol
Does anyone resonate with this? Do y'all think I might be bisexual, or am I just a straight hypersexual that overthinks too much?
@turtlegirl9696 it matters what you think but this is something to think about you could be interested in peoples bodies because as a bisexual person you have to think about if you’re going to want to be with this person and are you going to be happy with them but if you think you’re gay or straight, that’s fine too.