What am I supposed to be?
Its interesting how I'm already an adult but have worries of a teen. Then again I have some symptoms of puberty like mood swings and pimples so maybe it was just a delayed growth? Haha.
I love romances and love stories, and I'm somewhat jealous of those who have them. I have difficulty showing affection and I don't talk with anyone really so maybe it's not really necessary for now. My life is a bit of a mess right now so I always put those thoughts in the back, not seeking anyone nor being interested in anyone.
Thing is that I still feel impulses and arousal which bothers me to no end. Like, I would really like to shut these off but I learned that I can't control my body as I want to.
Perhaps I needed some release of tension as they say but the thing is... I don't really feel anything. Like, I jumped some steps in a relationship in order to get that release that people seek and media have it in their stories (even though I don't like seeing that and always skip those sections).
So it's a very weird state of having impulses but not really wanting to "do it" with anyone. I don't really feel sexually attracted to anyone, but feel arousal still. Not to the point of wanting an intercourse but... I don't know this makes no sense.
So at the risk of sounding boring with a long text, and risking posting in the wrong thread since I don't know what this is, I want to ask someone to help me figure out what this is. Maybe it had a name all this time and I don't know yet.
I believe you posted this in the right section. Asexuality is about not being sexually attracted to people and/or not desiring to have sex with anyone. Whether you feel arousal or have sexual urges or not is something irrelevant to asexuality: there are many asexuals who feel the same as you, and they find that taking care of their needs by touching themselves is satisfactory enough for them, they don't feel attraction towards anyone in particular and/or they don't wish or need to have sex with them anyway. If that's how you feel, it sounds like you really are asexual, you're free to define yourself as such if it sounds like you.
@Aayla
Thats what I thought. But some part of me felt that I would offend other Asexuals for not being able to shut down those impulses.
I guess I was overreacting but for some reason, I don't know why, I can get off of my head the idea of purity and complete shutdown of any sexual related thoughts and actions. I guess that's really my only issue.
@Trigs it's understandable to feel like this, but asexuality is really a spectrum that encompasses many situations, and asexuals know! They won't get offended or shut you out of the community for feeling like this. You're not the only asexual with impulses and that's ok, asexuality feels different for everyone. If it sounds like you, feel free to use the asexual label :)
