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I think I might be asexual biromantic?

persistentBeach9141 March 21st, 2022

So, I originally came out as bi like 4 years ago. I've had many crushes on men and women, so I know I have some kind of attraction to both. But something has always been off about it.

Ever since high school, I've noticed the difference between how I experience crushes and how other people experience crushes. I'd hear my friends talking about their boyfriends or 'hot guys' in a sexual way, and it's always been confusing to me. At the time, I just figured they were exaggerating to be funny. But then I told my friend about a crush I had on a guy. She asked if I thought about doing sexual stuff with him, and I was so shocked when she asked. I told her 'No, that never even crossed my mind!' She gave me the weirdest look and said, 'Really? You haven't thought about it at all? But wouldn't you want to?' And the moment she asked that question, I realized she wasn't joking, and also that my answer was no. I wouldn't want to do anything sexual. Even though I was certain I liked him, and I would imagine cuddling and kissing and being in a relationship, sex never crossed my mind and when it did, I wasn't interested.

From then on, I started thinking about other crushes I've had and realized it's always been like that. I've always thought of being with someone in a romantic way, not in a sexual way. And there's never been a person I've seen who made be feel that feeling like 'Oh, I want to have sex with them'.

So for the past two years, it crossed my mind off and on whether or not I may be on the ace spectrum. And every time I come back to thinking about it and relating asexuality to my own experience, it just makes more sense. Especially with an online relationship I had with someone recently. We'd literally just met, but after 4 days of talking, things started going in a sexual direction. There were parts of it I enjoyed, specifically flirting over text. But any time he mentioned some day having sex with me, it made me very uncomfortable. And when I would try to picture actually being sexual with him someday, it gave me a lot of anxiety. Anyway, I ended up breaking things off with him because he was really pushy for me to do more actively sexual things, like sending nudes and I didn't want to do that. I wanted to get to know him more, and looking back, I think that's because I saw him in a romantic way, not a sexual way.

Anyway, there are some other things I've noticed too that just add to possibility that I could be ace. For starters, I've never had any kind of interest in having sex. Any kind of sex drive/arousal I feel is sparse and also comes out of nowhere (its never geared towards a specific person or brought on by a specific person). I feel neutral about sex and like I could go my whole life without sex and be fine. I also rarely ever describe someone as 'hot' or 'sexy' when I'm attracted to them (usually call them cute/beautiful/attractive/etc). Thinking of having sex with someone doesn't come naturally to me and always feels forced when I try to picture it. I also tend to picture sexual acts in 3rd person rather than in 1st person (I feel more like an observer who is disconnected from sex).

If you relate to this experience or have any advice about determining whether I'm ace or not, I'd appreciate hearing about it. I still have some doubts, but like I said, the more I think about it, the more it makes sense. I know this post is really long, but if anyone read all of it, thank you.

2
KatePersephone March 26th, 2022

@persistentBeach9141

hi there! my name is kate, and i am the community leader of this subcommunity. thank you for sharing this with us!

to be honest with you, it surely does seem like you could be part of the ace spectrum. what do you think about it all? do you think that you could be ace? if yes, then i believe that that's what matters most!

1 reply
persistentBeach9141 OP March 27th, 2022

@KateDoskocilova Thanks for the reply! Yeah, after rereading my post, I still feel the same way and think I could be on the ace spectrum. The fact that I've had so many romantic crushes throughout my life, but haven't seen any of them in a sexual way says a lot. Considering that, I think asexual biromantic is a fitting label for me.

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