TW things about abuse in this thread and other thing that might be triggering

lost within a dark pit. but see a light within it. there hope arising  within. we are safe at last away from them who abused us. they seem to not care about what they did to us. they even claim  it never happened or that we making it what it really was not. sometime they even blame us for what happened too. like if we did not dress as we did they not have touched us in the way they did. they sometime make excuses for the other abusers. like saying they did not know better. they say the others were only kids too, as some of them that abused us were kids but older kids then us. yes some were adults too. we not know why we had so many abusers either.  maybe we had a sigh on us that say we been abused before. so they see that think it ok to abuses us as we already been abused before.

what do you do when your own family' the ones that were abusing you. others say honer and obey the ones older then you within your family. they say not to talk badly about your parents'  too. so it not ok to say how they hurt you and used you to please  them to get what they thought they needed.  we was only a young child so we was not ready to feel sexual things at all. to have our body feel them ways. we did not  understand what was  happening with in our body at all.

now that we have adult body we keep thing why did this happen to us. why did they hurt us in them ways. did we deserve  it . was it us that there was something wrong with. many other thought come   to us. yes we  doing hard healing work, but still them questions and more come up a lot.

other say to sure them but when we do they not believe us. they say no one could live though that and not be dead or insane. so they say no way that it could have happened to us. they dismiss us or worst say we only saying it to get attention and  pity. so question here is do we open up to others again and will they believe us will they  hear us and see us in away that not say something wrong with us. thoughts and questions within us. are we safe to talk and be our self. are we free to talk and say the secret  within us. are we believed here and do we have rights here to be us.

just feel like things in life move at times to fast and other times to slow. the time within each time i was raped and used as a child. them times seemed when happening like they was within  slow motion. but the pain and feelings within them times seemed like they was fast moving so fast that we had to shut off the feelings.  now a lot of the times we see the memory even feel it at times within same place we was hurt at. but it seem not connected to emotions most the time. but still others even train mental health works not get that. they say how can you talk about that and not show feelings about what happened in the memory. then they say how did you feel about that or how do you feel now about that. we can not label the emotions we felt at the time or even now about what happened. for us to keep being asked is in away hurtful seeing we do not know do not connected the memories to any emotions. we know we must have felt some emotions within the abusive acts when they was done. but we can not see connections there

when we was young we say how we felt then told we really was not feeling that why. then told how we was feeling.  so we feel stupid due to we can not label  how we feeling most the time. also can not label  feeling we had within the abuse. we even had some couclors  get mad at us for not being able to label  the emotions we was having.

this has only made our fear of not being listened to worst and at times we just shut down even when others truly trying to help us.  most times we not even ask for help never have been able to ask right out for help even when we dearly needed help