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- 8-29-2023+
O:45+ https://youtu.be/mnTU_hJoByA?si=7X-TyZccJLxAfORw
Nature footage hitting different recently :]
Finishing watching the mysterious mountaineer climbing Everest based on a manga but French and Luxembourgish produced animated movie 'Summit of the gods' is a nice analogy or parallel to my maternal grandfather's passing
His burial is tomorrow.
Confound it, how certain music and songs can be the equivalent of self-torture at this point despite 'the accuracy'.
The aftermath of all this, can well define my September . The content released around it, to say nothing of family drama.
;_; ._. ...that something equivalent to this (**5:50-6:26** https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WMtDo7BJmQU ) didn't happen for me but d--n well could've for my mom or other relatives who were there for it all. They deserve it.
I went through the footage. The going to a chapel and one last open casket session.
*Sigh "^_^ * Just when Netflix is apparently undergoing 'internal renovations' and not for the better are it's more 'goofy production design' comedies looking good to me.
Check for a Spanish dub and I definitely get more out of it
I can tell that when stuff starts leaving off my shoulders in terms of me taking on so much, my pornography use will drop.
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Me a tomado asi de largo para realizar el nihlismo que viene mi uso de pornografia.
Nihlismo sin misanthropia es lo que hay con Lao-tzu y Nagarjuna pero el supuesto misanthropia es porque no es poco commun que Nietzche seia malenterpretado 'por novatos' quien no tiene Walter Kaufmann a sus lados.
Not in a good headspace..not sure if I'll visit sister or hike.. scared of tomorrow..napping seems like the only suitable recovery option..not sure if laundry will be done..not sure if I'll shave..self-hatred for 'wasting precious limited warm day's etc,etc
I certain teacher said ~'decades ago you could've gotten a good job without that much school' b/c ask those f--k--rs ~'what if you were female ?' and goodness forbid that a casually apathetic sexism of a mid to late 00's variety be made itself ugly a-- present. *Trades ppl* could've done that decades ago and apparently still do, but f--g ask and think about if the boys club attitudes of 70's construction or industrial environments would've been something palatable even for a skilled tradeswomen for 30+ yrs.
I hated that b--d and last I checked (via LinkedIn) he moved to the States around ~'12 and became a construction supply manager.
=_= F--k those 'blue collar' boys club -esque atttitudes. We get it, how you never had the fondness to become embedded academics but wth were you thinking to just attain the minimum level of certification, do teacher's college and think you'll be cozy harassing kids who you fancy as thinking similar to you even w/a valid several years your minor ?!
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I do feel that in a sense my library job has put me in the position of 'having to use my body more than my brain' in one sense and it's not only that I don't do something as high-tier as being an official archivist or in an IT and managerial overlapping position -- please don't doubt menial as though it might sound exhaustion from inputting Excel info about some form of media (ex.old photo negatives) does tire the mind w/monotony and more; I'm no longer doing stuff as strenuous as the uncannily factory/industrial like work of checking processing library returns through an assembly line-esque return machine and packaging them away as I would've as a non-local history 'library page'.
In a major way, the sensations of exercise are a consistent and effective 'counterbalance' to being in a more moderated headspace for all the lack of skill I have at exercise, for all the inconsistencies of my fitness..understand I'm gracious for recent explorations accessing me exercise field based rescources and services.. '_' >_< but d--n it for it not always being fun !, learning curves etc,etc being reasons for such.
A simple thing said complexly--Lego is a prime venue for which to learn to make kinetic sculptures.
Wherein I get no feedback, (*good enough* feedback) here, I got to ChatGPT. Can you blame me ?, me and my lack of faith in socializing.
Why the heck can't I see my private profile description stuff ?
Personal journals are known to be potentially despairing and private but it's a new level of s--k if entries (of a kind, I can't put on here) are consistently going to mention sensitive quantitative info like budget amounts.
@LilMsSunflower
Thank you person who responded to the op entry earlier this month.
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Goals: Cleaning and chopping max amount of onions
Interference: Unappealing dog sitting task and variable initiative/motivation since tis my 2/2 days off before returning to a busy weekday start.
This part is all the more exacerbated by regular motivation issues of making sure you cook well enough plus the limited daylight of winter.
I want to get out of my system right now before a whole bunch of self-entanglement comes from pondering out to details of what or how it happens but I want to say how it's quite an effing ridiculous thing that anyone in the global north who apparently isn't underemployed and went through post-secondary education is able to move to live elsewhere in the world at all even if it's not unnecessarily for work when you consider a convoluted and borderline debt slavery which comes with contemporary tuition fee debts which I would think you're not immune to having cease following you wherever you go on the planet.
These are based on msgs I shared with someone weeks ago
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Maybe one reason why the ( * a fair amount *) of 'professional' takes on dancing in English speaking 'white ppl' countries is focused much more [than say social dancing] on * performance presentation * (think a fair amount of music videos but even before that w/musical theatre etc) which is b/c a lot of that 'professional dancing' (like 'contemporary dancing')
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3J6urFp8YZ0
'Always sunny..Mac dancing'
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wp43OdtAAkM
Kate Bush - Running Up That Hill - Official Music Video
is ultimately * rooted in ballet * and high-tier 'presentable dances' in 'the courts' of European aristocracy
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OEekFTj5PvU
The origins of ballet - Jennifer Tortorello and Adrienne Westwood
and all the kind of expected ('showy') formality, etiquette (and 'fairly unintuitive/complicated' technique) you'd think a bunch of 'old money' rich white ppl would expect even when it comes to the slowly built up planning leading to social dances like 'the waltz' and what came after [which only really caught on with the reappropriation efforts of rich ppl from a certain Central European folk dance once composers really worked on it]
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qrOeGCJdZe4
OneRepublic - All The Right Moves (Official Music Video)
When things start to change imo is ~100+ yrs when (whether ppl wanted to admit it or not) the influence of black ppl caught on, particularly w/jazz catching some acceptance
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zWLAbNHn5Ho
LACKADAISY - Jazz Cat Dance Loop
which was more or less around the same time that those tap dancing came along and popped up in theatrical attempts of uber-old B&W movies
https://youtu.be/3pMvzExk_Rs?si=MtRhqrzBYMmXV5vz
Dance Buster Keaton The Play House 1921
which was 'a shift' from how you might've seen a bit of dancing in operas before (which goodness knows weren't popular w/*everyone*[since not everyone could really afford to go see operas])
From here you can imagine 'the ripple effects'..
Jazz started losing popularity btw the late 50's to 70's and during that time the blues music black ppl were used to had a fuzzy line w/country music which..and some of that stuff would turn into rock whereas another part would be more like 'funk music' (ex.James Brown which would be a part of (the honestly not entirely liked and somewhat hated on-- https://youtube.com/shorts/NqV_429cXhs?si=gYg-uBQKdFNt5Y3Z) disco
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KXNqWneEOSI
The Get Down - Cadillac Dance Scene
To be fair' there's something to be said about how rural area white ppl did dancing
https://youtu.be/LQNN72Cg95U?si=naCS9Uc4_I0b8FAL&t=69
A Mustache - A Million Ways to Die in the West Song
this added to the country scene for sure what w/square [and line] dancing and I feel like this is probably a badly understated or underrepresented ('white ppl') dance scene
https://youtu.be/OAa_bmHUzB4?si=MU_XLbAuTQoicSdj&t=76
Music videos only really became a thing in the 80's [and] got more risqué as time went on etc but there the dancing (even if it hypothetically say takes cues from 'historical burlesque') is somewhat quasi-theatrical in prioritizing 'presentation' rather than 'co-dependentally mutal movement'/*social* dancing
Recall from the video that, that showy theatrically from ballet is ultimately a French thing from 1600's [more particularly, before that it was based on the Italian Renaissance 'little dance'/'balleto'-- Italian Catherine de'Medici had it catch on within the French with support from her husband King Henri II ..starts becomes less 'social'/less about participation to about performance..Louis XIV https://youtu.be/OEekFTj5PvU?si=zOf1BcmAB5atVA2Y&t=170]
In my opinion the reason why Hispanic dancing has almost always been more 'more grassroots' is b/c..
short, undercooked/underdeveloped thought=most ppl were poor
I'm sure that Spain had '1 person presentation/not really social' dancing stuff from way before (ex.flamenco definitely comes to mind
Nice mix of dance in hindsight
https://youtu.be/b8I-7Wk_Vbc?si=rPXKWgqdw4EnkPml&t=41
Enrique Iglesias - Bailando ft. Sean Paul, Descemer Bueno, Gente De Zona
though interestingly that wasn't really a 'high class thing' unlike this
https://youtu.be/PPqfcEXAm-M?si=tNQjvvRQqtJiQnIo
Gran Jota de La Dolores. Antologia de la Danza Española
That dance isn't to be confused w/either saying the letter 'j' in Spanish nor '~' =~= (apparently from something I saw once) a (at least in Mexican vernacular (?)) homophobic word of sorts
Rich Spanish ppl also did something called
https://youtu.be/c_XNnvmLQ1Q?si=wFVcS-YP6CiTq9cJ&t=2388
"La Verbena De La Paloma" Zarzuela Completa
That 'z starting word'..insterestingly flamenco wasn't an upper class thing..
..and well you can imagine that 'in oversea colonies' things changed in that different environment what w/the different attitudes of ppl etc
I guess me saying this is my way of answering :
" Why is it that white ppl don't really seem to have developed anywhere near as much of a social dancing custom as say Hispanic ppl have ?"
One of the few movie dance scenes which has stuck w/me overtime since I had a good time watching this movie in g.4 Leamington
It's not quite 1300's Medieval and if anything part of 'the inaccuracy' comes from how they let 70's rock like music ('Golden years' by David Bowie in this case) be the background music throughout this movie
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ONJneFvdu1Q
A Knights Tale - Golden Years / David Bowie
The antiquated formality dips down at ~1:17+
=_= _ but you notice throughout a fair amount of these videos (even the Euro-Spanish based ones) so often there's that slow 'form a line w/enough space in front and behind you before slowly proceeding before we get active' maneuvering
Not quite something you see in hip-hop based stuff or breakdancing for that matter, eh ?
[to be continued point there ?..need I mention the history of Capoeira or is that convergent development from Brazil, none too relevant in the porto-hip-hop scene of 70's US ?]
Based on a memory of a Cracked article , some sad history with the phrase 'the petite rats'
`_` '~' D--n the ridiculousness of rich twits feeling entitled enough to dancers to basically treat ballet companies like 'sexual catering' by the 19th c. (i.e. the shizz that's really going on in that 1889 'ballet dancers in the wings of the opera house' painting by Jean Beraud)
https://www.history.com/news/sexual-exploitation-was-the-norm-for-19th-century-ballerinas
I find a strange how we live in an age where it is objectively not very difficult to make your own media like say YouTube video and TikToks or even to assemble the production designs for potential skits and stuff.. but in my personal life experiences I have rarely actually seen people set up to do that. Maybe tellingly *once* out of library but nothing at all afterwards.
I couldn't really go through with watching the 'Insider video' wherein a retired Col. Eric Terashima analyzes movie scenes set in the recently US unoccupied Afghanistan for a few reasons.
The mention early on of how the nation's mountainous terrain actually necessitated 'animal of burden' use upset me, when it came to that scene in a certain Chris Hemsworth movie where there's actually a gunfight skirmish *while on horses **in a 21st c. year** *
._. D--n. A certain cavalry charge by the WWII Polish army (The battle of Schoenfeld:3-1-1945), The stuff Thomas Edward Lawrence 'of Arabia' did with horses and camels and 'Old West' skirmishes btw ranch hands, cattle bandits and the final resistances of the American Indigenous..all instances from 75+ years ago... I mean, I sure hope irl versions scene of that movie scene or far and feeling between but shhhhhee...tt '_' ._. horses or any 'beast of burden' getting caught in intentional crossfire from stuff like an AK-47 or M16 in contrast, those dated 'previosly thought of as final examples' is friggin upsetting.
It's not b/c of an imaginary pressure I'm putting on myself to review things before my nephew arrives..
on the basis of 'chronological distance' of ~+a decade, I've earned the right to revisit earlier online journalling stuff I did..
https://www.psychforums.com/blog/xod_s/how_i_can%CA%B9t_understand_the_good_of_selffulfilling_prophecies_b-3449.html
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5. Don't be afraid of how far back you have to go to embrace something to your identity from before you were as messed up.
The events of reality, in the historical sense etc, of that which happened while you were between age's 7-17, that span of 10 years or "a decade, the wide network of impacts it had, can become the ones which very much wind up embedded in your core
i.e.2029 or 2030 to 2036 or 2037 for my 'Gen Alpha' nephew
The blessing of a personal journalling track which covers more than a decade + perspectives like can help mitigate/give a firm resistant to thinking you'll succumb to senescence in terms of life/worldview and attitude instead of prevailing in the face of it.
'New batch' same vulnerabilities or insecurities..
Recently I watched something which made me seek out the Hazel and Peter Van Houten confrontation scene in 'The fault in our stars' which really conjures up the 'never meet your heroes' quip.
Even though Damon Albarn seemed cool enough in a web cam interview w/Anthony Fantano around the turn of the decade about the making of a certain album and during another video where he was at a music event (Coachella ?) talking w/a low-key music YouTuber outdoors while with tea or such, that quip as applying to the 'TFIOS' scenes comes to my mind again esp. when I factor for Albarn's behaviour in the 'Bananaz' documentary..though to be fair that was ~+20 yrs ago at the turn of the century and I think that him and the rest of Blur might well've felt the 'dad band' impression they have while recently touring and not only b/c vibe of 'The ballad of Darren' had a mixed reception of seeming so underwhelming and mellow ('St.Charles square' might've been the rough exception but it's not as catchy as old Song 2).
