O:45+ https://youtu.be/mnTU_hJoByA?si=7X-TyZccJLxAfORw
Nature footage hitting different recently :]
Finishing watching the mysterious mountaineer climbing Everest based on a manga but French and Luxembourgish produced animated movie 'Summit of the gods' is a nice analogy or parallel to my maternal grandfather's passing
His burial is tomorrow.
Confound it, how certain music and songs can be the equivalent of self-torture at this point despite 'the accuracy'.
The aftermath of all this, can well define my September . The content released around it, to say nothing of family drama.
;_; ._. ...that something equivalent to this (**5:50-6:26** https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WMtDo7BJmQU ) didn't happen for me but d--n well could've for my mom or other relatives who were there for it all. They deserve it.
I can tell that when stuff starts leaving off my shoulders in terms of me taking on so much, my pornography use will drop.
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Me a tomado asi de largo para realizar el nihlismo que viene mi uso de pornografia.
Nihlismo sin misanthropia es lo que hay con Lao-tzu y Nagarjuna pero el supuesto misanthropia es porque no es poco commun que Nietzche seia malenterpretado 'por novatos' quien no tiene Walter Kaufmann a sus lados.
Not in a good headspace..not sure if I'll visit sister or hike.. scared of tomorrow..napping seems like the only suitable recovery option..not sure if laundry will be done..not sure if I'll shave..self-hatred for 'wasting precious limited warm day's etc,etc
I certain teacher said ~'decades ago you could've gotten a good job without that much school' b/c ask those f--k--rs ~'what if you were female ?' and goodness forbid that a casually apathetic sexism of a mid to late 00's variety be made itself ugly a-- present. *Trades ppl* could've done that decades ago and apparently still do, but f--g ask and think about if the boys club attitudes of 70's construction or industrial environments would've been something palatable even for a skilled tradeswomen for 30+ yrs.
I hated that b--d and last I checked (via LinkedIn) he moved to the States around ~'12 and became a construction supply manager.
=_= F--k those 'blue collar' boys club -esque atttitudes. We get it, how you never had the fondness to become embedded academics but wth were you thinking to just attain the minimum level of certification, do teacher's college and think you'll be cozy harassing kids who you fancy as thinking similar to you even w/a valid several years your minor ?!
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I do feel that in a sense my library job has put me in the position of 'having to use my body more than my brain' in one sense and it's not only that I don't do something as high-tier as being an official archivist or in an IT and managerial overlapping position -- please don't doubt menial as though it might sound exhaustion from inputting Excel info about some form of media (ex.old photo negatives) does tire the mind w/monotony and more; I'm no longer doing stuff as strenuous as the uncannily factory/industrial like work of checking processing library returns through an assembly line-esque return machine and packaging them away as I would've as a non-local history 'library page'.
In a major way, the sensations of exercise are a consistent and effective 'counterbalance' to being in a more moderated headspace for all the lack of skill I have at exercise, for all the inconsistencies of my fitness..understand I'm gracious for recent explorations accessing me exercise field based rescources and services.. '_' >_< but d--n it for it not always being fun !, learning curves etc,etc being reasons for such.
A simple thing said complexly--Lego is a prime venue for which to learn to make kinetic sculptures.
Wherein I get no feedback, (*good enough* feedback) here, I got to ChatGPT. Can you blame me ?, me and my lack of faith in socializing.
Why the heck can't I see my private profile description stuff ?
Personal journals are known to be potentially despairing and private but it's a new level of s--k if entries (of a kind, I can't put on here) are consistently going to mention sensitive quantitative info like budget amounts.
