moonspace. (my lonely corner)
TW just in case.
hi,
this is just my new diary thread. :') …i was going to write an introduction and then a paragraph or two about why im making this new space until i realised i’m not a person worth knowing anyways, and nothing i say would actually matter. now that i think about it most of what i'd write would be pathetic.
*i’m doing it again - being pathetic. ugh.* anyways… there is just one note i’d like to add here… please, no replies 💜 unless i have tagged you somewhere in this space. i probably won’t be tagging anyone right now though.
this is just my new corner. my lonely space.
thanks for reading :')
- ni.
Tw/sh
I relapsed last night and im just tired of everything
Tw/sh, mention of punching
I'm just so tired of myself. i want to sleep at night without my mind going insane. actually get some freaking sleep. I need to be able to pay attention to my lessons for gods sake… instead of falling asleep or having droopy eyes at like 9 am.
but if it's nighttime i'm either thinking too much or relapsing cause that's what i'm good at :D
I start to do it and then halfway through i don't even remember why i started and i feel stupid for relapsing and idk. I'm just stupid and i hate being stupid over and over but idk how else to cope man it's the only thing that actually works anymore. Nothing works like it, nothing hurts good like it. I bring what's inside outside and it feels real. and i feel okay and *** at the same *** time
i try to write it out but i never do that when i've got urges. i hardly resist anymore i just do it. I tell myself the poems are for “reflecting” on my stupidity and *** wtf Ni.
i'm just so tired of myself. i hate the girl in the mirror. myself. sometimes i just need to give her a good punch in the face but i haven’t tried. i hate her so much. And that only makes me want to hurt her even more.
tw/sh, blood.
I got a paper cut not long ago and it's not sh but it's making me think about it. the way the blood looked and idk i was literally staring at it for a solid minute or something and thinking about it.
ugh wtf??? Bro. why do you have to tell random people…. you just freaking met, everything about us?? Ughhhh. im probably overreacting but its just annoying idk
TW/sh.
not even keeping track of being clean anymore, or my relapses, i don’t care… much. i care, but i don’t. One of those things.
why do even try anymore?
I don’t mean staying clean.
i mean everything bro. why do i even try?