mmmmelp

Title: i hate everything
TW: nothing
Mood: anxious
Energy Level: 80%

I don't really feel like writing but I also feel like at least writing thoughts down. I think I' a cat. I want something and I don't want something at the same time. I wonder if there's a word for that. Let's ask perplexity...

Welp. I guess I am having a moment of ambivalence. What an annoying thing it is. 

It's the weekend. I have somewhat worked the most recent relationship issues out with my partner. I have to find us a FAIR couples counselor. My current provider of therapy has three available but they don't seem to have strong couple's therapy skills when I dig into their credentials. So, just like every other piece of *** medical need in my life right now, this is going to take more time than I have to get what I need.

I also need a GP that understands my particular set of chronic issues and who is willing to work with my naturopaths. I had a recent lead but it turns out she isn't taking patients now. Sigh. Finding competent doctors is extremely difficult.

I also need to prepare for a job interview on Monday morning. I'm scared. I want out of my current job so bad but I am afraid to end up somewhere I will dislike even more. And I truly do need something that will let me work remotely while I take care of my aging mom 1500 miles away. And for as long as baby boomers continue to destroy this planet and the economy, this is going to be difficult to achieve. I am worried the interview is gonna be like - so can I do remote? And they'll say, no. And then I'll be like.... sigh. After 10 months of looking for work, too. F. 

I also have a list of other stupid *** to do. Vacuum - haven't been able to do that due to an extreme heat wave that just ended. Sell crap I don't need but I have no time or patience for this. Study Spanish for Monday. I feel so inadequate.

Just also got word that my sweet lovely cousin is back in the hospital. Meh. 
 

Title: stressed all the time
TW: none
Mood: ew
Energy Level: 60%

I hate that it's my time off of work and I should be chilling but I just feel extremely stressed the f out

Title: super over it
TW: none
Mood: thumbs down
Energy Level: 60%

Today I am POORLY managing a lot of anxiety. 

My PVCs are running uncontrolled to the point that I am sitting on my couch and wondering if I should take a nap. I have storage issues with pretty much every account I own. I am starting to try and work on that but it’s time consuming and seems stupid to prioritize. This stresses me out. I have a preliminary job interview tomorrow for something I am unclear if it will even be a good fit. Firstly, I have waited so long to get two different preliminary interviews now in the last 10-months. One is still out on verdict. Though, I got an email about another position at that facility just being fully cancelled. So disrespectful of applicant’s time and expectations. This new job's preliminary interview is just scary. I have been looking for 10 months. What if this one sucks on my end or theirs? Then what? I have to keep looking. I want to d e i. (Not entirely true but not entirely not true). So stressed. My house is a f'ing mess. I was gone for three weeks and the fourth week I returned there was an absolute b of a heat wave so I couldn’t clean. We are on four weeks of only sweeping cat hair. And now I have ants that came during the heat wave and won't leave now. I need to start sorting clutter again. It's building up. The clutter and house chores are kind of the final blow to my stress maximum quotient for this weekend. I feel like sleeping.

But wait there’s more! There’s my compost bin. My Spanish lesson tomorrow. My endless doctor search. Doctor's bills. School I need to finish. My couple’s therapy search. My yard. I am financially BROKE. Ugh…