in the wonders of my mind💗.

_{I replied to the friend :’)}  

_{I decided to get up and get the hair straightening over with cause I don’t want to spend a long time on it in the morning} 

_{im still missing some bits :’) I’m so tired tho I got a chair and put it in front of the mirror like my back hurts my hands hurt my head hurts so bad my legs hurt it’s so hot the air is like suffocating} 

_{I forgot but :0 did anyone notice- my bios gone :> it’s been gone for I think over a month now? maybe in 2025 I’ll write up a new one lol} 

@iloveyouxx (saw that- i actually check to see if uve put a new one yet xD no pressure ofc)

_{set an alarm :’)}

_12:20am

_{why does the time change every time I look at it I just looked and it was 12:28} 

_{sent late cause I thought I heard my dad but now it’s actually 12:29}

_12:31

_{whys the time passing so slow} 

_{I really really actually wanted to sleep today :’) cause I’ve been breaking out so bad and I realized that when I actually sleep and wake up it’s all gone xD cause obviously a big part of it is poor sleep and stress.} 

_{it’s fine tho-}

_{ill sleep tomorrow…} 

_{but actually the nights I was trying so hard to not sleep I’d always alwayss end up sleeping and now I really want to sleep and I can’t and now it’s too late anyway cause I wake up at 4 so what’s…rounding it down- 3 hours gonna do for me. even if I wanted to I can’t get 3 hours.}

_{goodmorningg. 4:37am I woke up at 4am}

I don’t even know when I slept somewhere around…almost-2am? I think- or maybe past 2am idk

_{felt so unreal and idk disconnected this morning I just woke up and started changing but my brain wasn’t- working.} 

_4:42

_{ill get up in like 3 minutes.} 

_{I don’t wanna :’) I don’t wanna do anything-}

_{4:45 okay bye.-}

_{why am I still here :’) 4:46}

………..

_5:15

_5:32

_{i just finished all of my hair :3 I feel better now because then when people stare at me like crazy I won’t think that it’s because I’m ugly- as much😎}

_{im just gonna rest for a couple of minutes now}

_7:06

_{I’m back from school :’)}

_{maybe it’s that I forgot how tired I get but- I’m genuinely so tired :’) like overly tired-}

_{I’ll talk about today maybe but not right now} 

_{I fell asleep. and now it’s 8:35 I tried working on my english presentation a little or something but I’m just gonna go sleep again} 

_12:49

_{since it’s really quiet and dark and everyone’s asleep I’m just gonna talk about some parts of my day right now :>} 

_history 

_science 

_pe

_english

_arabic

_maths 

_{(I’m organizing my thoughts-)}

_{history we had a baseline assessment. I completely forgot about that. and I swear I thought I was smart but now I realize I haven’t learnt a single thing in history and I don’t understand or get or remember anything and the teachers teaching and I’m just there I’m listening but I’m not learning like idk. but honestly even if I did learn I’d take the test and forget everything either way like what’s militarism or the other like 5 main causes of ww1 idk I mean it’s better than last year with the henry the eighth stuff. um I remember- alliances- whatever that means. I know what nationalism is I’m pretty sure- uhhhhh. we were supposed to write an essay and there were so many events and stuff and idk structure and times and people and like. I did look up some stuff, but this one kid asked if he could as a joke and maybe I’m wrong? but I’m pretty sure he nodded-. baseline assessments don’t affect your grade and maybe he just wants to see our…ability to write essays ;-; I don’t know if it counts as cheating of course I wasn’t obvious about it like I was waiting for him to definitely not be around me any time soon and I turned my brightness low and put my device down so- maybe I know I’m doing something wrong? I’m talking about it like it’s someone else but idk myself i still tell myself I’m a good person tho because-…I know I am :’)? somehow. but I am.} 

_{and okay then. the class ended. and our teacher got this guy to collect the books and our teacher was too- and I just put my bag in front of me and pretended to slowly be getting my book out so that the guy would come back to me later and then when he left I just closed my  bag and stood up and my teacher just assumed the guy took my book. I didn’t cheat that well. I barely did too. and obviously my whole book is ugly and obviously he would’ve looked through it too and I just hope he doesn’t notice :’)} 

_{what if he does cause like he actually liked me he’s the teacher that gave me a reward point (they’re still not called that xD it’s just got a specific name for our school) for working well that day but then if he realizes I took my book home with a baseline assessment in it or that I haven’t been reaching book expectations in lessons-}

…..…I was supposed to talk about the rest of my day too TvT

1:15

_{I’m playing some music and I’m gonna try to sleep <3 byebye.} 

_(1:37)

_5:05am

_goodmorning

_<3

_{ill be back later-} 

_{shegjabeiwhsjwjk I can’t find the time to talk about anything}

_{and yes I need to. I need to give you guys life updates :> and yes you need them too. cause,…*mumbles*<3}

_7:03

7:06

i don’t wanna leave as early today because now there are people all around second floor telling you to stop doing whatever you’re doing and get to your lead class and also I’ve just been coming really really early so by the time I’m ready to go to my lead class I check the time and it’s so early and I don’t like going to my lead class early because-

It’s just lonely :’) and it’s really chaotic and I’m sort of just in the corner of the class and idk what to do with my face when people look at me because I don’t want to look sad idk, I’ve been coming really early freaking out for a long time and going into class late and it’s better it helps 

7:08

_{was I looking at the screen for that long- I just clicked post ;-; and like-}

_7:11

_{I’ll leave at 7:20 today :>} 

_{I actually wanna find the time to talk about stuff cause it’s worth talking about probably but I’m always so sos ossso tired by the time I get home} 

_{I’ll just get these bits over with so it’s easier later}

(deleted cause I had to go and now it’s 7:17- bye😭)

_{I’m back :’)}

_{okie I’m gonna- try to talk about my day now} 

_{I might fall asleep in the middle of it but it’s okay- I’m only trying-}

_{bare with me :>} 

_{hey :D hi. I missed you guys.. xD}

_{a couple of days ago I wrote a longggg update and it wasn’t anything close to all the things thatve happened and are happening and then guess what}

_{it got deleted.} 

_{but it’s fine.} 

_{can I talk about random stuff} 

_{my dads out with his friends but he has been for a long time so he could be back soon but- it’s fine.} 

_{I checked my weight and height and it’s been over a year since the last time I checked my height and idk how long it’s been since the last time I checked my weight and I calculated my bmi and}

_{im 58% average.}

_{so basically to put it lightly I’m on the heavier side.}

_{I go into court next wednesday} 

_{I woke up with random scratch marks on my face on I think wednesday} 

I was staring at myself in the mirror for a long time. and then I guess my brain shut off or something but then I only just noticed and I was so confused 

_{I don’t wanna talk about school :>} 

_{but guess what. my guy classmates friend from our year group lives in my apartment now.} 

and he saw me cause I was waiting for the elevator and he came from like idk another side-? and he couldn’t open the door and it’s see through and he was looking right at me cause I kept looking at him and looking away and then I had to speed walk and open the door and he was just watching me trying to figure it out and then he said thankyou and I said you’re welcome but- he knows me. and he saw me.