house

@fionaapples1997speech

Hello there, my love. First of all, let me say a huge, huge thank you for sharing so much of yourself with us. You are important, you are smart, and your thoughts are worthy of all the time and consideration possible. You are not aggressive, you are not stupid, you are not pointless. Perhaps the world is not obligated to care, but I do.

You speak of your gender identity, your isolation and fear, and my heart goes out to you, it really really does. This here is a diagram I adore, which shows the difference between gender and sexuality. Your identity and attraction is yours to figure out, but I promise you this: whoever you are, whoever you were, whoever you become: that person is worthy of loving and being loved. You reached out to older men to receive that acceptance that you crave, and they betrayed you by trying to use you, and I am so glad that you can see that you deserve better. You deserve to be with someone who understands you, who knows you, and who makes you feel the like the beautiful, smart and loving person that you are. And best of all, that person, whoever you are and whoever you become, is perfect.

The way you describe a sunny day on a mountain is absolutely beautiful - it's clear that you have a poetry in your heart and soul, a love for language and communication that perhaps you don't yet see fully. Some sights are just so beautiful that they have to be appreciated, and I pity those who are too blind to see them.

Feeling inadequate, stuck, hopeless, pointless are things that wear you down, make you feel like you don't belong, but perhaps you'd be surprised by how many people feel that they don't fit in. If I may, it seems like you're prone to a thought process that assumes the worst, and stops you being the person that I know you are. I really do understand how easy it is to think that everyone hates you, but one thing I've learned is that very few people have the capacity for hatred. Most are too self absorbed to really see others around them, and reminding myself of that really helps me to challenge faulty thinking traps. For example, if someone says a rude or thoughtless word to me, I used to think: 'What have I done?! Why am I so hateful, how can I be better? I need to change, I'm awful and spiteful....'' You get the picture <3 But then I think: how many times have I said something thoughtless to someone because I've been distracted or in a bad mood? I don't really hate anyone, but sometimes if I'm feeling down I might not give them the respect they deserve, and that's about me, not them! Next time you feel those negative thoughts taking over in a social setting, could you have a think about how you might react if you were them and they were you? It might really help you to see that you're okay ❤

I understand completely what it's like to hate the weekends, to feel that everyone but you is happy, but I'll let you in on a little secret: we don't know what other people, and they don't know what we feel! It's so easy to look at other people and imagine the amazing lives that they have, but perhaps they look at us and feel the same way.

If you take away nothing else, please remember that you are who you decide to be, who you are, and that that person is perfect. Please, please reach out to me if you ever want someone to talk to, and know that all my good thoughts and wishes go out to you.

All my love, Lyra ❤

(PS. I can't even begin to say how amazing your username is! Kudos!)

@Lyra hello and thank your for replying

first off i want to tell you that what you said made me smile and feel fine so thank you so much

now i don't really have the slightest idea of what to say because i've given up, i don't know if i'm stupid. i've been trying to use this website for months but i just can't feel fine at all, most people i talk to are like robots and i usually just feel like i'm talking to a hypocrite, but i keep coming because it's the only place there is i guess? i just really had to say that

tonight is shit! i'm trying so hard but i'm broke, i'm so hungry and i feel awful and so uglyand there is nowhere to go, i just sit in my room and listen to whatever sad songs i find. i used to do this a year ago every night because i liked a guy but he didn't like me back, i remember i did so much to make him like me but you just can't force someone. the shitty part is he took advantage of me and pretends nothing ever happened but that's not the point, the point is i'm listening to sad music and that's everything that is important right now for the sake of convenience

i don't even care about him now anyways

i'm sorry if i'm being repetitive, but i just can't feel better, every night i feel horrible and lonely and today i was walking on the street and someone in a car yelled at me. he said my face looked stupid and i can't stop thinking about it now, and people will say oh! nobody's ugly! that's the biggest lie i've ever heard. I usually get ignored on this website to which is just about wow literally everything i want i am also sorry if i contradict myself right now because i tend to fluctuate between basically everything i do and say

sometimes using periods makes me feel like i'm being a snob, maybe i really deserved being yelled at by a stranger because i told a guy i hated him earlier this week and what goes around comes around and i'm ugly. i have mixed feelings when it comes to crying, i feel like crying right now but i'd rather not doing it and i always just keep it like that, inside, because some feelings are better being unsaid and hidden and when i cry i do it for hours. last year i only did it twice

things really are awful! sometimes it's funny because there's so much going on that is beautiful, maybe i was not meant to have a good life with beautiful things (not material things because that is shallow) though i am really shallow but maybe i am shallow just because i am really insecure and i kind of try to hide it, kind of because i dont really care sometimes so i let people know how miserably insecure i feel but it depends on the situation. does this make me fake and manipulative? i try to just be quiet, in the end there's not much to talk about, there's noone to talk to anyways

when i was little things felt sad but they were beautiful, thinking about being a kid really makes me feel sad and almost makes me cry, but i can't let myself cry so i stop thinking about it. there's many things that feel like home but there is no home, i wish every kid would be safe but i can't make that happen. i don't plan to have kids because it's stressful and i don't want to make mistakes. a boy talked to me a few days ago and said i seemed to be too sensitive and that everything older men wanted to do was take advantage of things! i gave up on that too

it comes from underneath

if there's a thing i hate a lot is really loud noises. i was promised a soft slow life but i don't know if i will make it, i'm too tired. i tried understanding your gender pic but it didn't make any sense to me and i also hate all those names! i'd rather peel the skin off my fingers than call myself one of those names. i really want to say that i think it's really shitty how being feminine is just reduced to a fetish, whether you are trans or not, just showing a little bit of feminity automatically makes you a fetish to men and i hate that. when i was little i didn't feel like a boy or a girl and i still feel that way! i just hate calling it something, but i hate having to explain myself, its ridiculous, i am ridiculous really. we hardly know what we're capable of, if i had the chance i'd stop living for someone else. my bones hurt and i want love! but i am thankful, after all not everything is bad, it may end soon. i love babies and i love LOVE but it's hard to not hate yourself. i am never going to make sense, i am a mess