Hi,

So today I have become very aware about feelings. Feelings can make us feel up and down. Or sad or happy.

Today, I feel a bit lonely and sad.

How do you feel today?

(I will share why later cos I'm busy). I will check in on this post in an hour.

Bunny

Hello Lovelies,

I am a bit bored and sad and happy and a lot of emotions today. Things have been hitting me hard recently. So today I just wanna write... write everything in my head. everything that's disturbing me or making me happy.. I am gonna write all of it here. And you can too . Feel free to reply to this and talk about anything.. your feelings.. you. anything. Your not alone in this world. Someone is listening. Someone loves you.

So here I go....

I've been sitting alone and staring into the beautiful world for the past few weeks. Either staring out of my window or sitting outside and trying to figure out my life. I tried to reflect on everything that happened. And its made me it really feels great. Its feels so … relaxing. It feels like I can be stuck in my own head for a while.

*picture is from another site*

It really made me wonder about the world. About me. My life. Who am I?

*next part is gonna be on next post sorry. i cant write huge posts because of an error*

Trigger warning: abuse, bullying and some nasty stuff

I lived in an abusive home. I was bullied. I was alone. I used to hate myself for these things. But I am gonna spend my whole life with myself. So why hate myself? whats the point? And I went really deep into hating ourselves. I know lots of people go through it. Hating yourself is just like a punishment. Its a trap most of us fall into. I fell into these deep thoughts and I am not going to explain them in detail otherwise this might turn into an essay.

In school, all students and people had for me was strange looks. I couldn't even say something otherwise I would be criticized for it. I didn't exist for most people. I was alone. As for my bullies.. If they could they would murder me. Thats how much hatred was boiling in them for me. Its like their heart was bursting so bad to say bad things to me. To scream and shount at me. To even grab me. i was so scared, so frightened, I would hide in the corner of school and cry.

And as for my parents, for every small thing they would beat me. If they had that much hatred for a wall the wall would probably collapse.

Trigger warning

Its like smashing stones on a car window. Thats what people did to me. Shattered me. Scared me. Left me. So yeah its made me who I am today. Sometimes I think.. No one really sees my existence. They expect me to be happy almost. My happiness is supposed to be their hatred. I didn't matter to anyone did I?

Nowadays, I go to school and get bullied. Yet everyone expects me to be happy. Not even my teachers care. When i go home no one even notices my existence. wheather I am dead or alive . wheather i am home or not. One day they will see I am dead.. They would probably never find my dead body.

Anyways.... Im sorry for the long post today..... Just to finish with here is a small positive note:

I promise you. From my own experiences I know how hard it is right now. The world is a rough place. And it dang hurts when people do this to us. But I promise you none of this is your fault. We are together. And I am always here for you. We are here for you. Its okay to be scared. Just keep going. Have hope. I know its hard.. but I see your strength . I know you can do it.

Bunny

@amiableBunny4016

Thanks for helping us all out and inspiring us, you are such a good friend I just want to thank you

You are an amazing person and I am glad you are here.

Hello Beautiful Person,

I made a HUGE decision today. And it really made me think of me as a person. Sometimes we have to reflect upon what we choose to do in life. How that effects us? How to make the right decisions? Well I am currently reading "The Book of Dharma" . It talks about how to make good choices in life. Here is a quote:

"Think back. What we remember most clearly about our life and our successes and our failures, the times of excellence and foolishness. The outcomes we experience in our life are no accident: they reflect on the quality of our choices. To help us make good choices, the sages devised the Dharma code" Simon Haas.

The Dharma Code is 4 yoga principles actually. But these principles can also be used in life. Doesn't have to be for yoga only. These also connect to making good decisions and the outcomes we get.

The Dharma code consists of:

Truth

Purity

Non-Violence

Discipline.

(please read the book for more)

Now today, I had stepped down from my job in the PAT team. It was hard. Tough to even leave. But I had to, it was what my mind told me. And I also thought about how this connects with my life and making decisions that's good for our wellbeing. You come first. Look after yourself. Because you matter just as much.

Bunny

*Just realised how my little corner has really grown*

Anyways. Hello Wonderful Person,

Its me. Bunny. Trying not to cry. Trying not to act as if I am not okay. Trying to deal with my parents who argue with me too much. Trying to be perfect because that's what i get pressurised into doing. And mostly, just trying to be me. And my little corner has really helped me as a person.

And its thanks to y'all. For being a part of my life. For being there for me when I needed it the most. Even just replying and saying "hello Bunny" or just giving me hugs means the world to me. Look... helping others isn't just my "passion". These are things that my life is based on. As well as trying to help myself my whole life, I have been trying to be the influence I wanna make on the world. I have been trying to inspire. To love. To try. To fall. To get back up. To show that we can make the world a greater place. I live and breathe on these things. I do all I can to just... Give hope. To be myself or to just put a smile on someone. But then.... damn it. It all goes to waste. Because at the end I end up in this spiral of a never-ending hateful cycle.

*part 2 is in the next post. just bare with me.*

Look.. I am human. I have feelings. I have my own personality and ideas. But rarely, I find myself stuck in my self hatred cycle. Either hating myself because of my past or hating myself because of other people.

And you know what.... I wrote a letter to my haters/abusers/bullies. I wanted to share it.

Hey,

You probably forgot who I am. Your probably forgot who I was. You probably forgot me.

I am not here to make you feel worse. Or to hate you. Or to leave you. I will stay with you.

Stay with you. I will hold your hand and I will give you the comfort. I am here for you.

What you did to me was the past. We have to forget it. I guess. You probably hate me. I get it.

Hate is a virus. It spreads. And it hurts... and it scars....

If you wanna leave me. Leave me. I get it.

Let me tell you one thing...

There were days i would cry myself to sleep because I thought I wasn't good enough.

But you are good enough.