Writing to therapist outside of session
I just had a first therapy session to discuss my relationship with my mother and my goals for a social life. The therapist seemed very nice and it seemed to be going well. She told me I should apply to jobs and go to school.
Well, when I got done with the session and my mother found out what the therapist had suggested, it started a HORRIBLE fight that went on until the middle of today. I tried to stand up to eat some lunch and could barely even stand on my legs I was so depressed.
Because of the nature of the therapy session, I felt it was important to tell the therapist what had happened. It doesn't seem like the type of thing someone should go through alone if they have someone to talk to about it anyway.
So I wrote a detailed account of what was going on last night to try to create an accurate picture and sent it to her after-hours. She had told me I could write to her and gave me her phone number to text her. I haven't bothered to write again to update with what happened later that night and today.
It's been over 24 hours and I haven't heard a word.
Should I feel bad about this? I had a crisis over here and felt that it was very relevant to our session and very important to being able to help me. I wasn't surprised that she didn't answer me right away. Therapists do need their own life and have other people to think about. But no message at all? It makes me feel very hopeless and like I'm all on my own to deal with something that seems to me too big for someone to deal with alone, well, with being mentally abused. I feel more than ever like I have to do whatever I'm going to do for myself. Which, right now, means making peace with someone who's been abusing me and looking for ways to make enough money in my own way to get out on my own if I need to, and hoping the promises I'm now hearing are valid.
I guess the therapist thinks I don't need an answer. She told me what she thought I needed to do and I guess there's nothing else for it. If I could do something that drastic and still live in this home, and do it without any support, I wouldn't have felt I needed to get help.
Neither me nor my mother have anywhere to go. I even checked into living in the car. It's illegal here. You can't even sleep in your car or park for more 4 hours here. The therapist is at the women's shelter. I didn't know if maybe I needed to be there or needed some other assistance. I guess/hope not. This afternoon I was wondering if it's just not practical for some people to be healthy. Maybe some of us just have to bow to our fates. I was out then. When I got home, my mother said she is willing to get help and make some changes. I hope I'm doing the right thing. I don't know whether I'll keep the next therapy appointment or not. I'm so disappointed by not hearing anything and having to still feel so alone.
@YellowComfort
Hi Yellow - first, thank you for sharing here, since after putting yourself out there with your therapist, you took a risk here too.
what you're going through during this period sounds incredibly hard, and it's really amazing how much you seem like you're keeping your head above water despite the circumstances.
I think the therapist would be incredibly proud of you. Anyone would. I deal often with not getting replies, and having conservations about it: on our end, when we're waiting for a reply, every second is agony, and it is such a simple thing to type an acknowledgment.
But know that her lack of reply has absolutely no bearing on her feelings toward you. You are an important person.
It's so hard for us in this situation, because on their end have no idea what we're going through while we're waiting. It's this imbalance where we're forced to bear the weight of it - they don't know that on the other side, someone is staking so much into their reply. I know from experience how devastating that can be, and you deserve a response.
I also want to share as someone who works in a nonprofit sphere. Because she's a therapist at a women's shelter, and the general under funding for such essential resources, her lack of response - not that this makes it ok not to acknowledge it - is probably related to her workload. That doesn't diminish your importance whatsoever - but I want you to know that it's not because you're not important. I know we're not supposed to give advice, but I would keep the therapy appointment and talk to her about this situation with her lack of response so you can have resolution and clarity.
You took a big risk by talking to your mother, and it might have felt so destabilizing - when you're already experiencing so much instability - you have her react badly initially. But you should be so proud that once she got over her hurt feelings, she saw things from your perspective. It sounds like you have a really good perspective on what you want, and a lot of determination to achieve it. It's just a matter of getting there, which is the incredibly hard part. But it sounds like you're making so much progress, and I hope you continue with the therapy. On mobile, this site doesn't let you see the post you're responding to as you're writing it, so if there's more to add, I'll post it in a response after this.
You're doing really incredible. Trust yourself.
@YellowComfort
and as part of your therapy if you go to your session (which I hope you do), I think it makes sense to discuss guidelines and expectations with her so that you're not put in a situation like this again. Something like having an agreement that she'll acknowledge your response after x amount of time, even if it's to say that she can't respond right now.