Why these episodes? What’s it for?
09.21.2024
Hello, so I had a very bad episode again. And funny thing, the last time I had one this bad where I broke some of my favorite things, was screaming at everyone and completely had no self awareness and hurt my body was the last time I was single for over a month. I usually jump from person to person, always getting hurt but not really caring cause I feel the need to like latch onto someone, you know? With me having BPD I’m supposed to experience 80% less of my symptoms when single, yet seems like around a month and a week or two I break, full of anger, then I’m fine as if it never happened. But my family can’t make it seem as if it never happened, they have make sure I remember. But I’m a good person, I think at least, yeah I have my problems and I stay in my mind and can’t seem to understand sonder so well even though I’m 17 years old, turning 18 in about 6 months. It’s really depressing. I will do crazy things and freak out. And what’s worst, is that this freak out episode thing was all because I straightened my hair and I hated the feeling of it, though I literally want to grow my hair out long again, and I couldn’t find an eyeliner. I got so physically uncomfortable I broke. And trying to find shoes for homecoming too, I swear almost every heel isn’t made for a normal human foot, just models, which kills me because a lot of people tell me on a daily basis I should be a model. I really need to get over myself, but it’s so hard. I hate blaming everything on my bpd, but it is a personality disorder, it effects literally everything about me. I wish I can get over it, but it’s been here for so long now, I feel like I would lose the only thing I know if it leaves.
@StarrieSaturn It's completely understandable to feel overwhelmed, especially when you're navigating the ups and downs that come with BPD. Your emotions are valid, and it’s okay to feel frustrated with the intensity of what you're going through.
It’s really insightful that you recognize patterns in your feelings, like how being single impacts you. Those moments of anger and discomfort can feel so consuming, especially when you’re dealing with personal pressures like finding the right shoes or dealing with your hair. It’s important to remind yourself that it’s okay to struggle with these things, they’re part of your journey.
It’s okay to not have everything figured out, especially at 17. You're still learning about yourself and how to cope with these challenges. It’s just one part of your story, and there’s so much more to you. Keep taking things one step at a time, and don't hesitate to reach out when you need support. You're doing your best, and that's what matters 💜
