Walls and Bridges
I am a verified listener in my other profile, however, I'm finding I can relate to people here better as a member. The listening skills I'm learning here at 7cups are very helpful in my own life, and I can see how now, in today's political climate, people need to learn to listen to each other as never before. Never before have we had the tools to so readily communicate with each other, and paradoxically these tools are used more often than not to build walls and not bridges. Not knocking walls (knock, knock!), they have their place in community architecture, but maybe in conversations like the ones I'm hoping to have we can also build some badly-needed bridges.
@RarelyCharlie and whoever else might want to add some notes, inspiration, and encouragement.
Just found this article about a new technology, a talking vest that the dogs wear, enabling dogs to communicate better for/with their owners. Maybe they can do this for people?
@RarelyCharlie got me thinking about trust in his thread.
Here's a start on reading about building trust. Trust is essential in building your core of people you rely on for friendship and other needs. However, sometimes you must find a way to deal with people you don't trust, then negotiation comes into play.
Thoughts?
@quietCloud22 A lot of theoretical work has been done on trust in relation to Internet security, and also in sociology. I don't understand much of it. I found a pretty readable article describing Trust and Networks that I think relates to 7 Cups in interesting ways.
Charlie
@RarelyCharlie Nice, thank you. I like the article a lot, particularly:
Trust is earned, not bestowed or forced. You dont trust me just because I tell you to. I have to earn your trust through the integrity of my actions over time; by doing what I say I will do and by ensuring my actions help, and do not harm you.
Because of a dynamic in my family that routinely spins out distressing events beyond my control, I often find myself in a helpless and needy place. I don't like being in the needy place; I am afraid to be a bother to people, so usually I try to tough it out on my own. I did find this article today dealing with the good and the bad of neediness - perhaps it has to do with building permeable walls? At any rate, I found the exercise of just getting through all the words in the article to have a need-numbing effect. *YAWN, shrugs shoulders* okay, now I'm more relaxed and can do something more constructive. 
Brains in jars.
Because we here at 7cups are discouraged from finding out any contact information about our listeners and co-members, much like the traditional therapist-patient or patient-patient models, I sometimes get the sense that we are just brains in jars talking to other brains in jars. How can we, building on our positive relationships here (are we just practicing?), start to create more meaningful relationships with the people (brains with bodies) around us in our real lives? Does 7cups really want us to grow up and fly away? I'm just not seeing much of a push to leave this warm, cozy nest, or am I missing something?
While looking for a good picture to illustrate this post, I found the above, together with this article "Brain deposed as seat of consciousness". Fun to read and think about. 
@quietCloud22 Good questions.
There is no evidence of 7 Cups wanting anyone to grow up and fly away, I'd say. I've often wondered how 7 Cups could help to reduce loneliness. Not by treating us as brains in jars, certainly. It seems to me there has to be a connection with real life, somehow. But I haven't come up with any useful ideas about how it might be done, so far. And 7 Cups might not be an innovative enough platform for it anyway.
Charlie
This was just posted by a friend whom I respect on Facebook: When Do You Know You Are Emotionally Mature: 26 Suggestions. I rarely reply to posts like this on Facebook; I don't think the Facebook platform enables productive conversations. So hope you tolerate my thoughts on this here in the forum, which is only marginally better.
First off, the title. If I was emotionally mature, I would not need a checklist like this to assure myself that I was, indeed, emotionally mature. I can't imagine an emotionally mature person (isn't "emotionally mature" kind of an oxymoron?) who would go down this list smugly checking off each one, then saying, "Done! Yes, I'm emotionally mature".
And even though I found many of these "suggestions" to be pithy and ring true, still, after about 10, my eyes glaze over and I start sordidly feeling like setting fire to the webpage. What do you guys think?
@quietCloud22 There aren't 26 suggestions. There's only one: "Never be authentic or form attachments", with 26 examples of how to apply it in a variety of situations. It's a guide to acting like a sociopath.
I assume actual sociopaths don't need to read a guide, so I agree that it's difficult to understand exactly who it's written for.
I don't think "emotionally mature" is an oxymoron, exactly, although obviously you can feel emotion without being mature, and you can be mature without (much) emotion.
Charlie
@RarelyCharlie
One of the worst "suggestions" (hypnotic suggestions?) used here, I think, is:
"You learn to see that everyones weaknesses of character are linked to counter-balancing strengths. Rather than isolating their weaknesses, you look at the whole picture: yes, someone is rather pedantic, but theyre also beautifully precise and a rock at times of turmoil. Yes someone is a bit messy, but at the same time brilliantly creative and very visionary. You realise (truly) that perfect people dont exist – and that every strength will be tagged with a weakness."
I think anytime anyone uses "everyone" in this kind of context, that is a red flag of moral equivalent thinking. I can think of some brutal exceptions to "everyone" here.
Happy New Year! Some good news here from science and medicine: nerve rewiring, gene silencing, phage therapy, and more. Nice to read good news in the middle of the night when I can't sleep. Ok - back to bed. 2020, bring it on!
