Venting
Trigger warning:
im so tired of everything. i just got out of the mental hospital for suicide attempt and i feel like i was happier in there than i am out here living with my abusive mom. nothing i do is ever good enough i am just a mistake. i barely sleep anymore and when i do i have such horrible nightmares. i cant talk to my best friend cause my mom hates her. and i cant listen to music cause my mom want me to play my music out loud and then she hates my music. i cant write how i feel cause if my mom finds it she'll be mad. another thing, I'm pansexual and my mom doesn't know and I'm scared to tell her and i am sure if she finds out she will disown me. i also like dressing up like a boy more than like a girl but she doesn't approve of that. i wrote a rap that i hope she doesn't find about all the hell she has put me through she is the reason i want to be dead.
@allihaveknownishurt
Hey, I'm so sorry to hear you're going through this. I also have an abusive parent and am also LGBTQ+ :)
Even though I don't know you, I know how hard the mix of parental abuse and LGBTQ+ identity can be. Sometimes it feels totally un-copeable. I don't know if you've ever heard of a concept called chosen family, but sometimes it's the ones in our life who we choose, and not relatives, who are are our biggest supporters. Do you go to school/ have any way to access lgbtq resources?
-Punkfan
@Punkfan0208
i dont have access to any resourses but i do go to school
@allihaveknownishurt
Does your school have a GSA or PRIDE club? It may or may not depending on where you live. Sometimes if you live near a town or city they might have an LGBTQ+ Center but those can be hard to get to if you don't have transportation.
Im really sorry that your mom isn't/wouldnt be accepting of you. There are people in this world who are going to love you!
I'm sorry that your school doesn't have that as an option. That really sucks. When I was in high school I had to start our GSA and it's really unfair that the work should be on youth shoulders to start programs like that. Do you have any therapist/school psychiatrist you could speak to confidentially about your experiences?
-Punkfan0208