This thread belongs to me and Spruce

@selflessSpruce1515

I'm so glad I could warm your heart. Truly.

Aww, I truly understand how hard that can be. I'm beyond proud of you for processing those traumas, it's not easy at all. It's full of pain. My little brother, Aaron, wrote on one of his school assignments/writing prompts, "I have two homes. My parents got very mad at each other." And it brought back a lot of hard memories (my parents got divorced when I was 10, and I was a witness to their violence for 5 years). I've also been trying to process the breakup between me and my ex-girlfriend. It happened three years ago, but I never got around to processing it. The reason I mention these things is to let you know that you're not alone in this and that I understand completely. I'm so so so proud of you for believing in yourself and never giving up. Really, I am. So proud. And Spruce, there is no "better side" to you. All sides of you are valid and beautiful. The sides that are energetic and outgoing, and the sides that struggle more and need comfort. I love all sides of you. You never have to put on a metaphorical mask with me, you never have to hide how you feel, you don't have to pretend to be happy. I'll love you no matter how you feel. As for your quote, "Words cannot even start to describe how thankful I am to have you in my life"... No no no, this is an inaccurate conclusion- Words cannot even start to describe how thankful I am to have YOU in MY life!!

@Fluffysheep8

😮 *stunned* You sent such a mature and well-thought-out reply, Everett (although I'm not very surprised- I always knew you are able to show such maturity when it came to these topics 😌✨)! I am so proud of you for sharing these things, because I know how challenging, especially when it comes to traumatic events that you didn't give yourself the chance to even process yet. There is one traumatic event in my life that I never processed, but my mind decided it's the right time to do it. 😀 That explains why I haven't been feeling myself for the past week or so. I'm not going to openly talk about it until I process it, even if it's just a little bit, because I want to sort my thoughts out and make sense of what happened. But one day, I will share it. It can be in a week, a month, or even a year or two before I feel comfortable sharing. But I will share some day, I just know it. ❤️ And aww goshness, Everett 🥺 Those are such sweet words- your validation and compassion precede you, my dear friendsie. It's always automatic that I put up that mask to hide my true feelings, and knowing that you'll still be there for me when I feel dark and empty inside- I have no words to describe how happy that makes me feel, hehe 🤗

You gotta promise me something 😛 You *better* become a listener when you turn 15 - members here would be so grateful to have such a loving and beautiful soul as you being there for them as they go through their challenges. 💗💗💗

@selflessSpruce1515

Heh- I think you accidentally replied to your own reply instead of mine, therefore I cannot reply to your latest reply, hence why I am replying to an older reply.

Aww! That’s so sweet of you to say. Thank you.

I’m extremely proud of you for deciding to process that traumatic event now! I respect that you aren’t going to openly talk about it until you process it. Just know that when that day comes, I’ll be there to listen.

Of course I’ll be there for you when you feel dark and empty inside! That’s what close friends are for! I want to be able to comfort you when you’re upset. I love you.

Again- aww! You’re so sweet! And yes, I will become a listener when I turn 15!

How are you this morning?

This is probably not a normal question to ask, but… if I made a list of my trauma, would you possibly be interested in reading it…? And would you possibly be interested in making your own list for me to read…? You wouldn’t have to add anything you don’t feel comfortable sharing, including that one trauma you never processed. The goal of this would be to have insight into what each other has been through.

@Fluffysheep8

There's a limit that was put in place where you can only reply to a particular post 5 times, and then the button poofs :/ That's why I'm replying to myself, but just changing the tag, hehe xD Just to keep the flow until the next reply button poofs 😀👍

I'm doing kind of okay, at least for right now ❤️ I took a little break from processing everything, because I'm just so drained :') I didn't mention this before, but this is literally the third day that my sleep got interrupted- and it's taking a bit of a toll on me. But I'm doing the best I can to overcome this, and that's what counts 😌 ❤️ I actually did yoga for the first time in a while, so that helped with the anxiety 🤗 But I didn't really eat much this morning, which for me isn't a good sign 😀 Just fruit really :') Hopefully I'll have the motivation to eat something more later- just feeling really guilty about a lot of stuff going on right now, and it's hard for me to even muster the smallest bit of motivation to take care of myself. However, I'm proud that I did yoga at least 💗 Overall, my morning wasn't the worst actually ❤️

And about that list, I think it is a good idea actually 😮 Personally, I think I should wait a bit before sharing my trauma- at least until I'm in a better state-of-mind :') I know these phases of mine usually go, and right now, I'm feeling a bit numb. Technically, I can even share now, but I know this numbness will turn into depression pretty rapidly (and actually, my numbness is already alternating with some of the signs of depression), and I'm already in a partial insomnia-like stage too, so I won't exactly feel ready to share if I'm such a dark state. But in a few weeks, those phases will pass, and I'll likely feel more positive, mentally-mature (I know that sounds a bit strange, but even though it doesn't seem like it, I'm kind of reverting to a younger state-of-mind in order to cope ❤️), and feel less defensive (that means that I won't feel the need to isolate myself, and feel more comfortable and trusting to openly sharing ❤️). I want you to know that this is not a reflection on you or anyone else, but this is not the first time that I have processed a traumatic event like this before, and I have a glimpse into each phase. ❤️ But for sure, once I'm in a better state mentally, I think it would be good, and even healthy, for me to share my trauma. 🤗 I also think it would be good for you too, since you are also processing a previously-traumatic event, and you deserve to be given the chance to share 💖

@selflessSpruce1515

Ohh, I see. Okay!

Taking a break from processing everything was a good call. Ugh, I know that feeling of interrupted sleep- it’s one of the worst feelings. I’m so proud of you for doing the best you can to overcome this, and you’re 100% right, that is what matters. I’m glad that doing yoga helped with your anxiety! It’s so hard to take that first step of self-care, but you did, despite everything going on, and that’s amazing. However, I’m sorry you’re feeling guilty about a lot of stuff going on right now. I understand how hard it must be to find motivation to take care of yourself. Just remember that you’re so worth it. You’re doing such a great job, and I’m always here for you.

It makes sense that you’d want to wait until you’re in a better headspace before you share your trauma. I’m sorry things have been so difficult. I’m grateful that you trust me enough to eventually want to share with me, and I’m grateful that you’re willing to share this important part of your past with me once you’re in a better state-of-mind.

Are you ready for me to share my list?

@Fluffysheep8

If you feel comfortable sharing, you most definitely can! Right now, I'm in a slightly better headspace, but if that ends up changing negatively, I'll likely not read and reply for a while. However, for right now, I'm still in that numb state, so I will be able to read it without internalizing it too much. ❤️

@selflessSpruce1515

*inhales deeply*

Okay… here we go…

This is just a summary…

One of my parents was almost completely absent in my life until I was 11 and my other parent was verbally and emotionally abusive from since I was age 5-10.

I have an uncle who is alcoholic and severely depressed. He refuses help; he got into a car accident when I was 9 and he ended up in the emergency room and still refuses help.

I have a cousin, Bella, who is severely anorexic. Her dad is physically, emotionally, and sexually* abusive. Her mom is struggling to make ends meet and unable to help her. Her dad has tried to kill her mom, causing Bella to have to call the police. When they fought, they threw chairs at each other and got very violent. All this happened when I was 9 and she was 10. She was suicidal at age 10. CPS took her away from her parents when she was 11 or 12. She now lives with our aunt and uncle. Before that, she was never taken to a doctor or dentist in her life. Since none of the adults in her life were able to keep her safe, that job was inadvertently put onto my shoulders when I was 9. I had to keep her safe, ask her about her eating and suicidal thoughts, and try to help her, when really there was almost no way I could, I was only 9 and definitely not a therapist. It was a lot of pressure, and I just wanted her to be okay.

I’ve been bullied my whole life. It got particularly bad in 4th grade, when a girl threatened/mocked/teased/excluded/insulted/intimidated me every day. She once openly said she wished I was dead. We had to change schools because the staff and principal didn’t do anything once we reported the harassment. My classmates don’t show me basic human respect. I’m used to getting backhanded compliments, and being made fun of, belittled, and ridiculed. I’ve had a cardboard box put on my head while I was reading. That’s just one example.

One of my parents kept threatening me; saying that if I didn’t act like a neurotypical then he school would diagnose me with autism and then my life would be ruined. She said that if I got diagnosed with autism, I would get kicked out of the school, forced to take medicine, not be able to get a job, and not be able to drive. I was horrified. I cried about it a lot and was super stressed. I was 9, and the same time getting abused and bullied.

I was a witness of my parents’ violence for 5 years. Although they never got physical, they would scream and swear at each other, chase each other around the house, slam and lock doors in each other’s faces, cry, scream and swear more, etc.

My parents got divorced when I was 10. We had to move out of the house filled with my childhood memories.

My ex-girlfriend (Iris) dumped me three years ago. I was 11 and she was 12. We dated for a year (all of 6th grade).

Because I was going through trauma and had nowhere for my feelings to go, I often ended up misbehaving and acting out during school. I would get scolded and sent to the principal’s office frequently. I would cry because I felt like I kept messing up and I would never be good enough for anyone. (Ages 5-9)

I got friend-dumped by my ex-friends, Owen and Kacy, when I was 12. They were extremely precious to me.

Yeah… it’s been fun…

@selflessSpruce1515

Oops, I forgot to add trigger warnings: abuse, neglect, loss, alcoholism, violence, misinformation about autism, divorce, break-ups, misbehavior

I also forgot to add:

*sexually abusive toward Bella’s mom, not toward Bella

@selflessSpruce1515

Hey friend,

I hope you're doing okay. Since you said you won't read or reply for a while if your headspace is negatively affected, I'm assuming that's what happened. Even if you can't read this until later, I want you to know that you are so loved, so worthy, so valid, so beautiful, so amazing, so kind, so wonderful, and you deserve the best of the best. You *can* get through this, even if it feels impossible, and I'll be by your side. I'm so proud of you for making it this far despite everything, and that will never, ever change.

@Fluffysheep8

Hey hey, Everett ❤️ I appreciate you being so understanding, and yus- I did need to give myself the chance to reset a bit, but now I'm feeling a little better, so I'm able to reply to your post 🤗

It sounds like up to this point, you have been through such traumatic and overwhelming experiences, to say the least. I have been verbally and emotionally abused since I was very young as well, so I can very much understand how the detrimental effects it must have had on your development, whether it be socially and emotionally. And growing up in a violent household, where you witnessed such frightening events for 5 years- I can feel the fear and pain you had to endure during this time, and again, this is something I can relate to as well. There was always friction between my parents ever since I was born, and there was always the screaming, the door slamming, the threatening to leave the house- it's a lot, and I know it can be especially impactful when you've had to deal with all this from a young age. Oh goshness, hearing that your cousin Bella also grew up in the middle of such chaos and negativity- I send my heart and love to her, and hope that she is safe and feeling okay. And hearing that you had to hoist all of that pressure on your shoulder to ensure that Bella was safe and did what you can to help her, even though there wasn't much you can do- it sounded like you had to mature so fast, and being in that position is just so much to handle, I can imagine. When it comes to being bullied, that is something I most definitely have experience with- the insulting, intimidation, and teasing is absolutely overwhelming and demoralizing beyond compare. And hearing that you had to get *used* to being disrespected and given insincere compliments– oh gosh, I know that can impact your self-image so negatively, and also would make it difficult to see the positive sides of others, being exposed to that for so long. Oh my goshness, being threatened by one of your parents and hearing the worst of your challenges, on top of all of this, is so much to bear, and your responses are completely valid, I want you to know that. I have been through horrifying situations in the past, those of which I should have never been exposed to in the first place, and it can affect our emotional well-being so much- the impact is tremendous, and can lead to so many issues. Then, having to move our when you were 10, from all of those childhood memories- it's such a big change, and in such a short amount of time since the prior traumatic events :') I can completely understand how all of this would cause you the misbehave and act out during school. When we feel trapped in our own skin, and don't have anywhere to release the anger, sadness, and other strong emotions, it causes us to act in seemingly-irrational ways. And how all of this impacted your self-esteem and confidence- it's a lot to handle, and feeling like you mess up and seeing how people react to your imperfects cause us to see ourselves in a negative light. Then, being dumped by your friends when you were 12- I can sense how precious they were to you, and it breaks my heart to hear that you lost that support system. I have experience with losing friends as well, and it is utterly heartbreaking to say the least, and can cause us to lose touch with ourselves in unimaginable ways.

I am so proud of you for sharing this, Everett ❤️ I can see how it must had pained you to reopen these scars just to share all of this with me. You are so brave, my friendsie, and you did such an amazing job sharing ❤️❤️

And look at that, I actually shared some of my trauma along the way, but once I truly get my thoughts together, I'll organize it more ❤️ But you are not alone in your trauma either- I have been through very similar experiences, especially at a younger age, so I can understand how deep of a scar these memories can leave. Again, I'm beyond proud of you 🤗 ❤️

@selflessSpruce1515

Thank you for taking the time to write out such a thoughtful and validating response. I appreciate your kindness.

I’m sorry to hear that you’ve also been through such traumatic experiences. You didn’t deserve any of this. You have such a beautiful heart and you deserve all the love and happiness in the world. Your experiences and feelings are all understandable and I care about you beyond words.

Thank you for being proud of my bravery. It means a lot to me.

I’m also proud of you for sharing some of your trauma along the way. I sense that it was difficult for you and I’m grateful that you chose to power through and share it with me.

Before I say this, I want to clarify that I’m not glad you went through this at all, and it pains my heart to hear that someone so close to me had to go through such hardship. However, I am grateful that someone truly understands what I’ve been through.

How are you this morning, my friend?

@selflessSpruce1515

*patiently waiting for the day my username might appear in your bio* /lh

@Fluffysheep8

You are so very welcome, my dear friendsie 🤗 And I appreciate all of your support as well, because that doesn't only mean the world to me, but also reflects so much on your character and strength 💖 It warms my heart to see how you built up all of this courage to share your challenges with me, and that inspires me to do the same when the time comes ❤️❤️

I am actually feeling so much better today, thank you so much for asking 😊 I can see that everything is starting to fall into place, and I'm more optimistic about the future 💖 I slept surprisingly well last night, although I'm still feeling a bit tired. However, there are a lot of signals showing that I will overcome this, and that allows me to view this positively. 🤗

How are you? ❤️

@Fluffysheep8

(Hehe, that idea did come across my mind 😛 There are a bunch of names I want to add to my bio, but I'll make yours into a paragraph like the other two usernames 💖)

@selflessSpruce1515

Aww!! I love you!!

Omg, yesss!!! I'm so happy for you!!! I knew you could do it!!!

I'm... *deep concentration* I'm alright, I guess. I could be better and I could be worse. I like to pretend that I'm a confident person and I don't have self-esteem issues, but my autism makes me feel so different, and therefore I doubt almost everything I do. I'm trying to prepare for high school, which is either an opportunity to make new friends and for things to go right, or for me to be excluded and ignored and for things to go wrong.

CW: rant

Why can't I just be normal? Like, I'm tired of this whole autism thing, can I get a refund? Social situations are so confusing. When I first meet a potential friend, I feel like I have to do everything right and that I can't mess up. Then, I get nervous, freeze up, and inevitably mess up. I feel useless. Like I'll never make friends at high school, much less get a partner someday. I'm constantly crossing boundaries. Why can't I just understand boundaries like normal people? I struggle so much with boundaries, it's not even funny. My mom told me to not try to control people, so I'm trying to not control people. But that's just one of the things *not* to do. I have to remember to walk confidently, smile, and have open body language. I have to remember how to trade information, not be a conversation hog, not be an interviewer, not get too personal at first, not to police, not be argumentative, not talk too loudly, not stand too close, and not stare. I have to remember how to start an individual conversation, how to enter a group conversation, how to exit a conversation, how to begin and end a phone call, how to leave a voicemail, how to be a good sport, how to begin a get-together, how to end a get-together, all the steps of handling an argument, how to handle teasing, and how to handle rumors and gossip. That's just for friendships. Dating is a whole different level. Not that I need to be dating right now, but it's a future goal that seems so intimidating. I'm exhausted trying to remember everything. I'm scared no one at high school will like me. No one in my grade likes me. I'm not exaggerating or catastrophizing. It's true. Some people are kind enough to show me basic human respect, like clapping for me when I get onstage for receiving a certificate or saying sorry for bumping into me. But no one talks to me. Not only do people ignore me, but they also avoid me. They act like I'm infectious. It's so hurtful. I know I've messed up with my ex-friend group. I know I didn't belong to any 8th-grade friend groups last year. But that doesn't make it okay for my classmates to be so disrespectful toward me. Just the mere thought of meeting new classmates and having conversations with them scares and exhausts me. I can feel my heart racing just thinking about it. I have to try so very hard just to fit in. Another thing is that many new people who I meet aren't even interested in me, even when I do my best to act neurotypical. I somewhat recently joined a Girl Scout troop. When the troop leader first introduced me, I smiled and said, "Hi, I'm Everett." The girls mostly talk amongst themselves and don't make an effort to talk to me. At the end-of-theater party, I saw a girl from my troop who was crying happy tears (most people were), and I said, "Hey Signey, I know we don't know each other super well, but is it okay if I hug you? It's okay if not!" and she hugged me, so I thought that was a good sign, and I've since tried to initiate some conversations with her, but she hasn't shown much interest. See, it's so confusing and frustrating. When I was a camp counselor, I tried joining a conversation that was taking place among other counselors, but I felt excluded and like I didn't fit in. It just wasn't clicking. And I know that's only one incident, but it's discouraging. Yeah, so I'm just really scared about high school. I'm scared I'm going to feel so alone.

@selflessSpruce1515

Hey! Just wanted to say goodnight to my smart, kind, brave, funny, wonderful, amazing, loyal, trustworthy, resilient… (a few hours later) …talented, thoughtful, beautiful friend!

I’m so proud of you for how far you’ve come despite all the obstacles in your life and I’m always here for you.

@Fluffysheep8

Awww, I hope you have a goodnight too, my dear friendsie! Tomorrow, I'll be sure to read your rant, since I didn't have a lot of time to do so today. But again, I'm beyond proud of you and I feel so honored that you trust me with your story and your challenges. 🤗 💖 I can use all of those adjectives to describe you too, hehe ❤️❤️ I wish you the very best- I may not be on as much tomorrow, but I'll drop by once or twice to reply to messages and forum tags 😊 *lots of hugssssss for you* 🤗 ❤️❤️

@selflessSpruce1515

Goodnight, Spruce! I've been thinking of you. Hope you had a great day.

@Fluffysheep8

Goodnight, Everett! (Although it's the morning for the both of us now xD) Yesterday was another off day for me :') But it was overall not super bad ❤️ I have a feeling that today will be a better day though! 💖 (I'm able to sense these things 😛)

@Fluffysheep8

And now I'm able to respond to your rant from 2 days ago– I want to take advantage of my time in my better mindset to respond to these kinds of rants 🤗 ❤️

I can understand how having autism and feeling confused in various social circumstances can make it discouraging to make lasting friendships, and how it produces that fear about being alone in high school. As someone with pretty significant social anxiety, I also need to make a list of myself on how to behave in front of people, and I am always afraid of embarrassing myself or saying the wrong thing that would unintentionally offend someone. And yes, the dating realm is a whole new world, and I haven't even made it that far yet, but it does sound very intimidating. Even with a friendship, having to remember every step on how to have a conversation or how to behave in front of others can be very exhausting, I can agree. Oh goshness, I have been through the same situation– throughout my whole academic career thus far, I have barely talked to any of my classmates, and most of the time, they ignore me too. Unless it's some kind of achievement or class assignment, they do not acknowledge my existence. But being avoided in addition to that– I can imagine how hurtful, and even confusing, that must have been. You are absolutely right, because no matter what has happened in the past, that does not justify disrespect in any degree. And I know how anticipating the disrespect can make it even *more* challenging to even think about starting conversations with them. The fear about going into high school is completely valid, and I had that fear of being alone there too. Even though I have not made any *best* friends in high school, there were some people who I did become friends so that I wouldn't feel as alone at school. I send all the hope in the world that you find those kinds of people, because even if they end up not becoming your close friends, they will be people who you know you can be around without experience that awkward feeling and that fear of making mistakes– you do not deserve to feel alone and disrespected by your peers, and having a few people who you can be with throughout your high school journey will make the experience more enjoyable. You got this, and I will also be here for you all the way! 💖

@selflessSpruce1515

Thank you, Sprucasaurus. I appreciate it, I really do.

It must have been difficult to have another off day, even if it wasn’t the worst. Would you like to talk about it? How are you feeling today?

@Fluffysheep8

Everetttttttttttt 🤗 💖💖💖 I'm feeling really great actually, which is surprising given how I was feeling pretty depressed yesterday 😮 I am not exactly sure why I felt so down :/ The weather wasn't really the best yesterday, so that can possibly be one reason. I tried to not let it bother me too much, but I got kinda trapped in myself and my emotions, I guess :') It's been happening more frequently- however, I'm learning to cope with it. ❤️

How are youuu? ❤️❤️

@selflessSpruce1515

Hooray! It’s amazing that you’re feeling really great. However, it must be difficult to be getting trapped in yourself and your emotions more frequently lately. I’m proud of you for leading to cope with it, but I acknowledge that it’s hard and I wish I could make it easier for you. Let me know if there’s any way I can help, even if it’s small, okay, Spruce? I’m always here for you.

I’m doing alright. I had a sleepover at my friend Cameron’s house last night. It was the first time I’ve had a sleepover in three years. It was great to be around him. He’s a sweet person. It’s just that I was really focused on not messing anything up socially, and that drained me quite a bit. I think I did really well with everything, though. I let Cameron choose some of the activities, thanked his parents, engaged in conversation with him and his parents, and generally had good manners. So I’m relieved about that.

I got back from open ring dog agility training a few hours ago. My dog, Rossini, is learning how to end his contacts. Contacts are obstacles that a dog physically walks on, such as the A-frame, dogwalk, and teeter. A dog will get disqualified if they jump off the end of a contact, so every dog agility trainer must train their dog to pause at the end of the contact obstacles with two feet on and two feet off before the trainer releases the dog. He’s picked up on that pretty quickly.

Unfortunately, Rosalie has some new time limits on their phone that make it so that they can barely text or call people anymore. I get anxious when I can’t talk to them enough, and I feel like I might be going a bit crazy. It doesn’t help that I still really like them, and that Cameron decided to show me a bunch of photos of them last night. It’s just… it hasn’t been easy. Having emotional dependency issues/being clingy is something that’s draining and painful, and it’s something that I can’t control. It makes me feel like I’m crawling in my own skin and my entire world is being flipped upside-down and then shaken repeatedly. Quite the analogy, but it’s how I feel.

I’m not feeling the best at the moment. Maybe it’s because I stayed up much later at the sleepover than I normally would. Maybe it’s because Cameron is dating Selena, Cameron asked if when he and Selena were at an upcoming party at my house if they could kiss each other and hold hands, and I got jealous (not jealous of Cameron or Selena individually, just jealous of the fact that they’re in a [good] relationship). Maybe it’s because Rosalie’s time limit ran out right when we were having a good conversation. I don’t know. I could just use some kind words right now.

@selflessSpruce1515

Sorry, Spruce. I didn’t mean for it to come off that way. I will be okay. I didn’t mean for it to seem like I expect you to reply because I need you. I didn’t mean to come off like I need/want something from you. I mean it more as, it would be nice, but you aren’t obligated to do anything and I will be okay. Ugh, this is tricky because I don’t want it to seem like I don’t want/need your help, but I also don’t want it to seem like you have to give me kind words or the world will end.

@Fluffysheep8

Oh nu, Everett ❤️ I didn't think of it as if you were pleading for me to respond– I will most definitely respond when I can, because I know that you appreciate my responses. I know that you are understanding of the fact that I can't respond immediately, and you didn't make me feel pressured to reply. No need to worry at all 🤗 ❤️ *hugsssssss* ❤️

@selflessSpruce1515

Hey! I just wanted to let you know that I love you and you mean so much to me. I’m proud of you for making it this far and continuing on, you’re doing amazing, love. I know it’s hard, and I’ll always be here for you, by your side. So please don’t give up. Be kind to yourself. You deserve unconditional love. Stop punishing yourself for whatever might’ve happened in the past. It’s okay now. I love you and please remember that it’s okay to take a break. I promise I’ll always be here ❤️❤️❤️

@Fluffysheep8

Awwww, Everett 🥺 Your compassion and care has no boundssssss 🤗 ❤️ I really appreciate your support, and I needed to hear those words. Thank you for being here for me always, and love ya beyond words 💖💖💖 *tons of hugssssss* 🤗 ❤️❤️❤️

I send you the very best as well, and I want you to be kind to yourself too– no matter the obstacle, I know you will overcome anything that lies in your path. You know why? Because you have so much strength within you! 💗 I'm proud of how far your came, because I know you've been through so much– but you are still here, trying to be okay and to make the most out of everything ❤️❤️❤️ I couldn't be more proud 💖

@selflessSpruce1515

Omg, Spruce... I have happy tears in my eyes from reading this. See?! This is why you're so amazing!! I love you more than you'll ever know, and I couldn't be more grateful that you're in my life. Your existence is a miracle. You can do anything. I believe in you more than I could ever express. I'm so happy I can support you and help you feel better. I love you, too. Today, tomorrow, always, forever. Of course I will always be there for you. I would be so stupid to leave someone one-in-a-million like you.

One sec, I gotta go fetch something- *Returns with truckloads of hugs for you*

When you said "boundsssss," I read it as "boundaries" at first, and I was like, uh oh, boundaries?? Did I cross boundaries?? Oh shoot- and then I said it said "boundsssss" and I was like, oh, thank goshness!

Thank you for your kind words, they mean everything to me. Your faith in me and your pride in me are so precious to me. And for your second paragraph, I could say the exact same about you. You're one of my favorite people and you have a special place in my heart. You and your grove can live rent-free there. 🙃

When we were both in the chat rooms today and you said my name, it just made my heart so happy because I'm so grateful that you're in my life.

I have a question - would you like to video call with me some day? I understand if you don't feel comfortable yet, but that would be ✨so amazing✨ and it would make me happy beyond words.

How was your day?

@selflessSpruce1515

N-no- I just read your post in "grove of a spruce tree"... I'm- I'm gonna miss you so much 😣

@selflessSpruce1515

Sprucasaurus! Hey! It was nice seeing you in the chat room. I wish you the best with all your plans today, you’ll have to let me know how they go! I love you so much.

@Fluffysheep8

Hey Everett ❤️ I just wanted to quickly respond to the question you had a few posts ago: Unfortunately, we're not allowed to meet offsite for confidentiality purposes and because it's against the 7 Cups guidelines. However, I do appreciate to offer, because that really shows that this friendship means so much to you, and it means soooooooooooo much to me too! 🤗 💖

I just don't want any one of us to get in trouble, because I know they have that rule in the guidelines for a reason, of course. ❤️❤️

*hugs for you* I hope that you're having a good day, my dear friendsie ❤️❤️

@selflessSpruce1515

I- what? 🥺😢😭

Do you not want to video call with me?

@selflessSpruce1515

I… I was… I am… *tries to ground myself* …feeling pretty good today… I went to a friend’s house on Saturday… yesterday I went to a water park with some other friends… and today I’m hosting a 4th of July party… …you?

@Fluffysheep8

Aww, Everett :') It's not that I don't want to video call you. I just don't want any of us to get in trouble for reaching out offsite. Again, I respect that 7 Cups has this rule against reaching out to another cups user offsite for a reason. If we were allowed to, I would have absolutely loved to do just that, but I know why they have these kinds of rules, and it's for our safety and for confidentiality. Confidentiality is actually a virtue that I do take very seriously, and I respect it very much.

This does not mean that I don't want to get to know you more or to maintain our friendship. Trust me, I love having you as such a close friendsie of mine, and you mean the absolute world to me. However, there are these kinds of boundaries that I cannot cross for both of our safeties. I hope you understand that. ❤️

*hugssssss* You are probably one of the closest friendsies I've had in such a long time, honestly :') It pains me to have to set these kinds of boundaries, but when it comes to the 7 Cups guidelines, they cannot be stretched in this way. I love ya beyond words, Everett, and I want our friendship to grow and prosper. And I have a feeling we can sustain this friendship, even if that means staying within the bounds of 7 Cups. Let me know what you think, okie? ❤️ (And I want to emphasize that this is *not* a reflection on you or your character- you have such a beautiful soul and wonderful personality, and it warms my heart that you invited me to have a video call with you. I feel proud to call you a dear friendsie of mine ❤️❤️)

@Fluffysheep8

And I know you're not feeling good after what I said :') You didn't need to use ellipses (ie. "...") to represent that ❤️ As an empath, I can sense that it made you upset, and it is valid- I know how much you've been hoping for me to say "yes," but I do hope you understand that we're not able to for the reason I described before ❤️

It sounds like you had a great weekend though 😮 I hope you had a great time at your friend's house ❤️ Ooooo, a water park 😛 I'm sure you went on some pretty fun rides, hehe 🤗 It's been a while since I went to a water park, now that I think about it 🤔 But I hope you had loads of funnnnn ❤️❤️

A 4th of July party 😮😮 Oooooooooooo, that sounds super duper duperrrrrr funnnn 💖💖💖💖 I hope you have the best party, because you deserve it 🤗 💖💖💖 Hopefully there will be loads of fireworks too 😛😛😛

@selflessSpruce1515

Awww 🥺 *hugs Spruce back even tighter* you’re so sweet, I can’t even- 😭

You’re very welcome, you deserve every single wonderful thing that ever existed on this planet.

I don’t really know what to talk about… *googles conversation starters* what has your favorite part of today been?

@Fluffysheep8

Well, my day just started, lmaoooo xD But I'm looking forward to going to a botanical garden in the city today, and I'm sure I'll be taking loads of pictures, hehe 😛

How about youuu? What are you looking forward to today? ❤️

@selflessSpruce1515

Ooh, a botanical garden! You'll have to share some of those pictures with me ❤️ I hope you have a great time 😊

I biked around my neighborhood by myself for the first time. It was a bit confusing but mostly exciting. I'm cooking empanadas later today. I had some when I was in Chile and they were very tasty.

*hugs*

@Fluffysheep8

I actually just about came back from the botanical garden, and I had a really good time! Of course, I took tons of pictures, and I'll send them once I get the chance. ❤️

Ooo, I can understand how biking for the first time around the neighborhood can be confusing, but it sounds like you did really well, and I'm so proud of you. 💖

I absolutely *love* empanadas, and I hope they come out really well 🤗 💖

*hugssssss* ❤️❤️

@selflessSpruce1515

That’s awesome! I’m so glad! I can’t wait to see the pictures 😊❤️

Awwww! I- ugh- you- 😭 too much sweetness! I love you so much.

The empanadas turned out great! https://uploadpie.com/DZXWFr

Are your private messages open?

I hope you have a great night and sleep well with no nightmares and only dreams of fluffy sheep ❤️❤️❤️

@selflessSpruce1515

H-hi… I’m not doing so well…

I’m touch starved, dissociated, lonely, anxious, ashamed…

One of my close friends posted a status update saying “I’m having a nervous breakdown” and I tried to help/support/comfort them but they pushed me away…

*It shouldn’t have hurt that bad*

But my feelings get really hurt when close friends are upset, I try to help/support/comfort them, and they push me away.

It makes me feel like I’m not wanted.

I hope it doesn’t seem like I’m dumping my problems on you… it’s just… I don’t really have anyone else to talk to right now… 😔

@selflessSpruce1515

*attacks Spruce with huggles*

Heya! I’m doing better now. How are you?