The Grove of a Spruce Tree 🌲

Time for the amazing entryyyyyyy 😌✨

———

Today wasn’t such a bad dayyyyy! It was actually a pretty great one, since I was able to de-stress and actually use methods that really help me relax. 😊 I did more meditation than usual, which gave me the chance to distance myself from my thoughts, and center myself using my breath and my surprisingly high level of patience. 😌

Other than that, I was mainly reading and cupsing for a majority of the day. As always, it was wonderful to see my amazing friendsies on here, whether it was in group chats, forums, or pm’s. Y’all make my days so much brighter, and I can’t thank you enough for making me feels so included, understood, and loved. It really means the worldddd 🤗 ❤️

I’m praying that this week will be a good week, since the following week is the week of the bridal shower (as I have mentioned in earlier entries, my oldest brother is getting married), and I am not excited for that. So we shall see how things gooooo! ❤️ As always, I’ll take each and every day as it comes, and try to not let the small things affect me too much. 😌✨

———

I’m going to end the entry here. Have a good day/night, and love ya all *hugs for everyone* 🤗 ❤️

Here’s a reminder for all of you 🤗 ❤️

———

🤗 Tagging my spectacular friendsies: @Angelx28 @Sunisshiningandsoareyou @emotionalTalker2260 @Everlee @coldbreeze00 @mytwistedsoul @fearfearfear @BookishBlue13 @AGuardianAngel @Wheeki16 @JennyINFP @SystemFireSkye @CupoSad076 @DonaldDraper @FreddieOnyx @jv13076 @BlueDarkAurora @TryingTBH2021 @taylorhugs12 @elli025 @Wefington @ruggedheart0 @kieran000 @Fluffysheep8 @KaikaiKitan @MelodyoftheOcean 🤗

Dun dun dunnnn 😛 It’s entry time 😌✨

———

Today was such an amazinggggg day ❤️❤️ I was able to submit a lot of my assignments today, and I did really well 😌

I just wish it would all count, but supposedly I need to get these assignments done in order to complete the registration to go back to my old school :’) That’ll explain why I won’t be on here a whole lot until around the middle to the end of June (hopefully it’ll be sooner 🙏). I’ll be busy making sure I stay on track up until July, which is when my summer internship begins. I’ll likely also have summer assignments for my advance placement courses once I’m completely registered, so that’ll definitely keep me busy. 😊

This whole year had been a mess, but most of all, I was bored with doing schoolwork at home, since I was just about all alone :’) But I’ll be super duper berriliciously (yes, credits go to @Angelx28 😀) excited to go back in-person next year. Hopefully I’ll go back to the 11th grade so that I can actually continue on where I left off, this time with advanced courses. ❤️ In the online school I’m affiliated with, there are only low-level courses, and they’re too easy :’) Can’t wait to challenge myself 😌✨

Tomorrow is a weekday, so I’ll work my absolute hardest to get my schoolwork and projects done so that I can spend time on here too with all my friendsies. 🤗 ❤️ I don’t know what I’d do without you all. I may not be on much this coming school year, since flexibility really isn’t an option. But, I’ll do the very best I can ❤️ Until then, I’ll spend as much time as I have left with you all 😊

———

Have a goodnight, everyone! Love you all 🤗 ❤️

I almost completely forgot to write an entry today, welppppp 🙈 But it’s okay, cuz I’ll do it now 😛

———

Today was honestly one of the best days I’ve had in such a long time. My productivity streak is still there (and no, productivity does exist, @KaikaiKitan 😀), and I felt more confident than I had in the past few weeks. 😌✨

The weather was so much better than yesterday, so I went on two walks, one in the morning and one in the late afternoon. Experiencing the effects of the natural essence boosted my mood almost completely. Even though my stomach decided to be mean due to anxiety for some upcoming events (essentially the bridal shower and wedding), I still was able to enjoy myself and let go of most of my negative thoughts. ❤️

I had a lot of fun being on cups today, and that was such a turn-around compared to what’s been happening this past month. I came back from my partial self-care break better than ever, and I don’t feel as attached as I was before the break. So that means I should definitely keep taking breaks whenever I feel like I’m getting overly attached to the site, or the Internet in general. ❤️

I’m finishing up this really interesting paper for my math class. As many of you know, I have such a passion for mathematics, especially Algebra. It’s such a beautiful subject, and the challenge is so invigorating! ❤️❤️ Anyways, I’m almost done with that paper, and it’s turning out really great. 😊

Overall, I’m just so proud of how much progress I have made this past month when it came to coping with my anxiety and depression. My favorite month was definitely a great one overall, just as I predicted 😛 I have a feeling that June will also be a good month, but we shall see how it goes. 😌✨

———

I’m going to end the entry here, since I have to finish up the paper and then head to bed. Goodnight, everyone! 🤗 ❤️

For anyone who's not having the best day, or just need something to smile about ❤️

🥰 Tagging my dear friendsies: @Angelx28 @Sunisshiningandsoareyou @emotionalTalker2260 @Everlee @coldbreeze00 @mytwistedsoul @fearfearfear @BookishBlue13 @AGuardianAngel @Wheeki16 @JennyINFP @SystemFireSkye @CupoSad076 @DonaldDraper @FreddieOnyx @jv13076 @BlueDarkAurora @TryingTBH2021 @taylorhugs12 @elli025 @Wefington @ruggedheart0 @kieran000 @Fluffysheep8 @KaikaiKitan @MelodyoftheOcean 🥰

It’s entry time, weeeeeee 😛

———

Today wasn’t the *best* day, but it wasn’t all that bad. I did all I possibly could to stay positive and not let my negative thoughts take over. It was effective for the whole morning, as I was able to finish all my schoolwork within a few hours, and even exercised and stayed hydrated. I was actually taking care of myself again, and it was such a great streak (I would say I’ve been trying to do more self-care for the past 4-5 days now). ❤️

Then, out of the blue, I started feeling a bit dissociated. I haven’t felt that way in so long, so it was pretty overwhelming. At that point, I tried to take a break and do some meditation- it definitely helped for a time. However, I was having erratic mood swings since then, and I was extremely stressed and irritated for absolutely no reason. :/ It was so strange, but I have a feeling that I know why this happened (I won’t elaborate beyond that though). 😀

Anyways, I don’t really have much else to talk about, but I guess one thing I can mention is about my progress regarding the registration back to my old school. For those who have not read my previous entries, I am currently in an online school, which I transferred to when the pandemic was at its peak. Honestly, the experience wasn’t good at all, so I’m going to be going to my old school again for the upcoming school year.

There is one thing that is complicating my re-enrollment. My old school isn’t accepting credits from the online school, so I’m planning to retake the 11th grade. However, it apparently isn’t easy to just register me as an 11th grader for whatever reason, so my parents and I will have to meet with the head of the guidance department this Friday.

I have this feeling that I’ll have to go into the 12th grade, but honestly, I don’t mind at all. I can just make up for the missing credits over the summer, and then confidently go into the 12th grade without any issues.

Either way, I know I will be able to overcome whatever challenges come my way regarding this. But for now, I will continue working on my schoolwork at this online school just so I can stay busy, and also be sure to take care of myself along the way too. ❤️❤️

———

I’ll end the entry here. Take care, everyone! 😊

Please don't read or reply to this post

I feel like fucking trash right now.. I thought things were good, like really good...and now they go down the drain because of one stupid thing.. ONE STUPID THING TwT I thought things were going amazingly, but then I just had to become too attached...I'm losing people again because I either become too defensive that no one knows what the hell to do with me, or I end up getting so attached that I don't want them to leave.. why why why T-T Like is any of this worth it? I feel like I'm just wasting my time opening my heart again...when for once I thought I was actually going to be okay, I had to be so stupid...my parents want nothing to do with me, and I'm losing my friends.. what the fuck am I supposed to do now? I'm just wasting away, and no one notices.. what- when I'm in defensive mode, I can barely even think straight, and I know I shouldn't be expecting people to know how I'm feeling but.. like- TwT I don't want friends anymore.. it's too hard...for an empath like me, every response and every action affects me 30% worse than a "normal" human being...like why? Why does every little thing make me feel sick...every time I talk with someone and there is a delay in their response...I just start thinking that I said something wrong, even if I didn't...and then I go overkill apologizing, and then people just leave.. It makes me feel so worthless, but no one understands :D I have to walk on fricking eggshells around everyone...and right when I felt like I belong...it all goes out the window.. I don't think I'll be able to ever vent or share anything like I used to...it's not the first time this happened, and I'm triggered so badly, omg TwT It's like I have this curse for making people hate me, I don't know...I just hate this world and I hate humanity.. No one *really* cares, and I'm sick of this life...My stomach is just churning just thinking about all of this, and I can barely think straight at all.. It's useless.. I don't need friends, because as an outsider and an imposter, I don't deserve it...for that matter, I don't deserve ANYTHING... I'm sure no one will miss me if I just leave... I'm taking a break from all of this...I can't take it anymore...I'll just be lonely all of my life, and no one will care.. my existence will just decay over time, and everything in my life just proved how worthless my existence is...I can deal with this all alone, and I'm going on the complete defensive.. no one is going to manipulate me any further, because I'm my own person...there are only a select few people who I will share what's going on with, but otherwise, nope...no more sharing.. No more pity and stupid sympathy, I fucking hate it...anyways, it's fine...I'll leave the rant here, because no one will read it anyways, and I want it to stay that way...

I’m going to skip writing today’s entry, since I already did a private rant, and I’m honestly very tired. :’)

However, I was looking through some inspirational quotes, and this one stood out to me. I thought I would share it with all of you, because we can all use some words of wisdom every once in a while. 🤗 ❤️

💖 Tagging my dear friendsies: @Angelx28 @Sunisshiningandsoareyou @emotionalTalker2260 @Everlee @coldbreeze00 @mytwistedsoul @fearfearfear @BookishBlue13 @AGuardianAngel @Wheeki16 @JennyINFP @SystemFireSkye @CupoSad076 @DonaldDraper @FreddieOnyx @jv13076 @BlueDarkAurora @TryingTBH2021 @taylorhugs12 @elli025 @Wefington @ruggedheart0 @kieran000 @Fluffysheep8 @KaikaiKitan @MelodyoftheOcean 💖

This song brings so much nostalgia, omg :') But I feel like I need this kind of song right now ❤️ It basically aligns exactly with how I feel- flashbacky and a little depressed (kind of numb at the moment though :/), yet determined ❤️

It reminds me to keep staying strong, no matter what 😌 ❤️ I'm not the one to post songs relating to romance and relationships, but- it's just appropriate for now :') (I'm trying to tell myself that I moved on, even if I really didn't, but I have to keep moving anyways ❤️)

----

Time for the spectacular entry 😛

----

Today was a mostly okay day! The first half wasn’t the best, since I still had those residual negative feelings from yesterday’s breakdown that occurred for literally no reason. :’) I was feeling pretty badly up until lunchtime, when the weather became warmer and pleasant.

Under most circumstances, my mood is almost directly aligned with the weather, which is part of the reason why my mood swings can be so erratic at times. But over the years, I’ve learned to cope with these changes very well, so they don’t impact me too much, as long as the environment at home doesn’t get too chaotic. Yesterday, things at home weren’t agreeing we me at all, so all motivation and feelings went out the window (it took time, but the numbness did eventually come :/). But today was a big turn around, and I was feeling pretty good for the second half of the day, since it was fairly peaceful at home. ❤️❤️

I didn’t really do any schoolwork today though, since I didn’t have much time to do any of it once I started feeling better. But, hopefully tomorrow will bring greater prospects- I do have a team meeting tomorrow that I’m not very excited for though. It’s fine, because I just have a few things to prepare beforehand, and hopefully everyone will go smoothly. 😊

Other than that, I don’t really have much to talk about. I did the best that I could to avoid being in group chats *too much* today due to my mood swings, and it was fairly successful. Actually over the last few weeks, I have been slowly losing interest in group chats due to some negative circumstances that arose. I won’t go more specific than that, but don’t be surprised if I stop participating in group chats all together. This is just my way to detach from the site in order to focus on my offline life for a change. I’ve learned, more than ever, that I can’t avoid the offline world forever, and since I will be going back to school in-person next year, I really need to make sure my offline environment won’t cause any issues for me. ❤️

----

This was a fairly long entry, so I’ll leave it here for today. Have a good night, everyone, and as always, I love ya all beyond wordsssss 🤗 ❤️❤️❤️