The Grove of a Spruce Tree 🌲
Hello! You can call me Spruce. I just discovered this interesting diary entry section of 7 Cups, and this is something I’ve been looking for. I need a place where I can spill out all of my thoughts without criticism, and that’s not something I can really rely on through 1:1 chats (even though I haven’t been here for that long, it’s my upfront impression).
I would prefer to keep this as a space for myself, but if anyone would like to send supportive comments for my post, just dive right in! I don’t mind at all 😊
So for anyone who may be reading this, there may be some rough topics such as family stress, severe self-hate, and some pretty graphic flashbacks (but not too graphic). I will try my best not to make this an inappropriate space, but I just wanted to give a heads up just it case it starts getting to that point.
Donuts are in full supply at all times, so feel free to grab a snack when you travel by 😊 And feel free to greet me when you’re here - I absolutely love meeting new people, and I want to build my support group here on 7 Cups ❤️
It's entry timeeeeeee 😛
----
Today was a pretty mixed day overall, I would say. I didn't do as much schoolwork or my university robotics work as I hoped, but I did the best I could to continue working on my self-care routine. I actually took a shower and did some yoga today, which both felt reallyyyyy good. I also went for such an amazing walk, omgggg 🤗 It was like nature was calling my name, and I felt it's beautiful essence; I felt so calm and collected- it was amazinggggg 🌸 ❤️
However, I was feeling more anxious than usual. :/ I'm actually not sure why, but there are just some thoughts that are putting me on edge. It could also have to do with being on electronics way too much- the eye strain has definitely been causing more headaches, that's for sure. Maybe I should try doing some offline activities, like reading, instead of being on electronics all day? I mean, that's kind of hard given that I depend on my devices to get my work done, but I'll try to take a bit of a break from them when I don't really need them (so that may mean that I won't really be on cups at all tomorrow). We'll see how it goes ❤️❤️
----
I don't really have anything else to talk about, so I'll leave this entry short. Have a good night, everyone! ❤️
Helloooooo, everyone ❤️ It's time to announce three more visitors to the groveeeeee 🌲 ❤️
Sheepppp, Stormyyyy, and Oceannnn — welcome to my grove, y'all! Make yourself at home, because my grove is your grove 🤗 ❤️
Tags: @Fluffysheep8 @KaikaiKitan @MelodyoftheOcean
@selflessSpruce1515
*sits in your grove and feels very welcomed* ♥️😊
@MelodyoftheOcean
Aww, Oceannnnnn 🤗 Welcome welcomeeeee, my dear friend (and adopter 😛) *hugsssss* ❤️❤️❤️
@selflessSpruce1515
Thank you for the warm welcome Kiddo! *hands you blankets and tea for your comfy cove*
❤️
*huggles self tightly* 🥲 I try not to believe this, but it's so hard to think positively right now..
(I'm trying to stay strong though 💪)
@selflessSpruce1515 *offers hugs* I wish I knew the answer to this ❤️
@mytwistedsoul
*hugs Soul* Tanku for the hug, my friend 🥺 ❤️ I really needed that ❤️❤️
@selflessSpruce1515 You're welcome and thank you too ❤️ *wipes eyes* made me cry for some reason
@mytwistedsoul
Awww *passes tissues* It's okie to cry, because it reminds me of this line from one of my favorite songs – "Every time I cry, I get a little bit stronger" ❤️❤️ Because it's trueeeee 🤗 ❤️ Whether they are happy or sad tears, the message still applies ❤️
@selflessSpruce1515 *accepts tissues* Thank you ❤ tbh - crying is an issue because it wasn't acceptable when I was younger but it does make you feel better to let it out
@mytwistedsoul
:') I can definitely relate to that, to be honest - I grew up learning to walk on eggshells when it came to expressing my emotions too strongly or giving my opinion on certain issues; when you are conditioned that way, you don't understand the importance of letting it out before it kind of consumes you, in a way. But yes, crying is a way to express your emotions, whether they are positive or negative ones, and unfortunately, there are people who take it for a false sense of weakness, when it's actually a sign of courage to face your feelings ❤️❤️
@selflessSpruce1515
I feel you Spruuuce, sometimes it just isn't a very happy place. But we can make one out of it! Your cove is a happy place for me and I am sure you have your own happy places too, sometimes it's just very, very hard to see them. And that is okay. I sometimes feel the same way.
*hugs offered to the amazing Adopteee* hope you feel a bit better now.
If you need a bunch of bad humor jokes from your adopting parent, feel free to poke my pm-land ❤️
@MelodyoftheOcean
Awwww, Ocean 🥺 ❤️ Just reading those words made my feel 100x better, omg 😭 *hugsssss* ❤️❤️❤️
We all gotta make a happy place for ourselves, even if our environment doesn't readily offer it! It kind of reminds me of the quote, "We can make our own weather" - it's honestly beautiful, and has so much meaningggg 😌✨
And I will definitely take that offer in the near future, don't ya worryyy 😛 ❤️
@selflessSpruce1515
You made me smile! ❤️
Glad to hear you are feeling better, and I absolutely love that quote! Let's make our own weather then!
😇
@MelodyoftheOcean
Awww, it warms my heart that I made you smile 🤗 And yesssss, let's get the sun out and poof the dark scary clouds out of our day ✌️😌✨
@selflessSpruce1515
I would say I agree, but that is the worst metaphor for me, I prefer rainy weather xD
Maybe we don't need to change the weather though, maybe we just need to change the way we think about it. Instead of staying inside when it rains, we could dance in the rain and be happy that we don't have to water any plants. I am not sure if that made any sense, but my "wisdom" always comes out after 1am hehe
👀
@selflessSpruce1515
Aww, your wisdom is sooooooo precious 🤗 You're so right that we shouldn't try to change the weather, but cope with the circumstances and try to make the best of them. I'm impressed that you're able to spread such wisdom after 1am 😀 Although I can definitely relate to that- I guess our mind are clearer when a new day comes 😛
I must love myself so much that I keep tagging myself 😀✨ (totally false, but let's not talk about that- I mean, I love myself more than I used to, but not *that* much- 😀)
Corrected tag -> @MelodyoftheOcean
@selflessSpruce1515
Is there a limit on how often we can reply to replies? 👀
The reply button poofed at your last two messages, so I'll use this. Yes I am very wise I know that, and there is absolutely no sarcasm in that sentence, I would neveeeer 😇
And thank you for your kind words, I appreciate them a lot, I really do. ❤️
And yes, my mind seems much clearer at this time, but why does my alarm say I have to get up sooon?
I had to laugh when I saw you tagged yourself, not the kind of laugh where you make fun of someone, I just thought the way you reacted to it was funny xD
And whatever your brain tells you, you are loved. And you deserve to be loved. And you can tag yourself as often as you want to 😛
@MelodyoftheOcean
I mean, for each post, you can reply to it at most 5 times, but I always use the workaround 😌
And yes, totally no sarcasm at all, can't pick any up 😀✨
*yeets your alarm* How rudeeee 😭
And smh, I had a feeling you would, but trust me- I laugh at these kinds of things too 😌
And awww *hugs* I mean, I'm glad that I love myself more than I used to! That's a lot of progress, at least in my opinion ❤️✨
@selflessSpruce1515
*hugs you baaack*
I am extremely proud of you for loving yourself more than you used to. I know how hard it can be, it is a huge achievement, don't let anyone tell you anything else! ❤️
@selflessSpruce1515 Oh Spruce 😞 I'm sorry you can relate. Its not easy growing up in a place where you don't know what emotions are safe or allowed. It makes you question everything you feel or wait for someone to tell you how you should feel. Weak and shameful for crying. I'll have to see if I can view it as a sign of courage
*big hug* Thank you ❤
@mytwistedsoul
That's unfortunately true, Soul :') It's so hard to grow up in that kind of environment, and just like Ocean said, there is no pressure to see expressing your emotions in the form of crying as courageous- you deserve to take as much time as you need to believe it for yourself, even though you are most definitely stronger than you may thing 🤗 ❤️❤️
@selflessSpruce1515 Thank you ❤ *big hug* I didn't mean to bring my issues to your personal thread 😬 but Thank you for listening
@mytwistedsoul
Aww, Soullll ❤️ I'm really proud of you for talking about it though, and I really don't mind at all 🤗 My grove is your grove ❤️❤️❤️ *hugssssss* 🤗
@selflessSpruce1515 Thank you ❤
*offers chocolate all around* gets rid of the after effects of dementors
@mytwistedsoul
Are you Remus Lupin and didn't tell anyone? 😮
*gives you some chocolate, because you gave yours away*
@mytwistedsoul
@selflessSpruce1515
Do I see fellow potterheads? 👀
@mytwistedsoul @MelodyoftheOcean
Omg, y'all made me so happy 😭 ❤️ *hugs my fellow potterheads*
Did you know that May 2nd was Harry Potter day? 👀
@selflessSpruce1515
Or maybe Lupin was secretely an animagus as well, who knoooows 😮
@mytwistedsoul
You don't have to be ready to see it as courage now Soul, we will all do that for you. I know you are much stronger than you think you are.
*hugs offered if you are comfy with them* ❤️
@MelodyoftheOcean *hugs* Thank you ❤
@mytwistedsoul
You are always most welcome! Hope you are okay
💜
@selflessSpruce1515
Actually I did, me and a couple friends had a Harry Potter Day some years back on that date if I remember correctly. With trivia games, and we played in house teams and had butter beer and all that 😮
@MelodyoftheOcean
😮 That sounds so funnnnn, omg ❤️❤️❤️ Next year, we should definitely celebrate Harry Potter Day here 😌✨ I was going to make a post on it, but I forgot for some reason 😭 It's fine though 😀 It makes me smile to see some Harry Potter fans here 😛
@selflessSpruce1515
We should! It's just so difficult to celebrate Harry Potter for just being what it is - a great book - rather then the author and their actions, and I don't know how to do that on a huge platform like Cups.
If you got any ideas I would be up for it though!
@MelodyoftheOcean
I'm sure we can come up with something 😛 Maybe a trivia or Potter quiz of some sort would be really fun, or even a personality quiz to see which house we fall in (even though I know mine is Ravenclaw (but occasionally Gryffindor or Hufflepuff, but never Slytherin 😀) ✌️😔✨). I especially wanna do a quiz on the different spells and charms, because that's sooooo fun 😛 All these things can make for such a great event 😌✨
And yessss, I agree that we should really focus on how wonderful the book is, distancing itself from the author and actions, like you said ❤️ Nonetheless, it's such a well-thought-out and creative piece of literature- such a classic, yet never fails to amaze me with the different opinions and takes on certain events in every book 🤗 ❤️
@selflessSpruce1515
That sounds amaaaazing!
I took the house test, the official one, four times in a period for about 8 years. I started off as a griffindor, then was introduced to hufflepuff, got into ravenclaw a couple years later and now I have been in slytherin for years and I feel very comfy there ^^
I love your ideas for trivia and charms and tests, maybe we could do patronus tests too, they are really fun! ❤️
@MelodyoftheOcean
Wow, so much varietyyyyy 😛 I can definitely see you as a little bit of every house, not gonna lie 😌✨ But I don't see myself as a Slytherin, lmaooooo 😭
And omgggg, a patronus test 😭 I absolutely love Harry's patronus of a stag - in the movies, it's gorgeoussss ❤️❤️❤️ I wonder what my patronus would be 😮 ❤️ It indeed sounds so funnn ❤️❤️ *poofs those dementors* They won't try to suck the happiness out of us ever 😌✨
I totally wasn’t so into being a potter head for a straight 15 minutes that I was able to forget to write my entry 🙈
———
Today wasn’t that awful of a day, which is certainly an improvement! I woke up with a clear head and motivation, which actually paid off overall. I was able to get a lot of my schoolwork done, and even did some of my project. I was feeling really good!
There was only a hour period when I was feeling pretty negative and lousy, but it didn’t affect me that much. After chatting with a close friend on here and enjoying my time in tcr for once, I was able to change my attitude about the day, and continued being productive.
The one thing I’m a bit upset about is that I didn’t really exercise much today. That didn’t really make me feel good body-image wise, but again, it wasn’t affecting me. I remembered this quote: “We can make our own weather.” It literally turned my whole day around, and made me realize that I am in control of my feelings—I can determine how I want to feel throughout today, because I am in control of my emotional wheel. ❤️ It’s not easy a lot of the time, but during the few times when i feel in control, I feel lighter and more motivated overall. It’s so beautiful, to be completely honest. 🤗
And I have my wonderful friendsies to thank for reminding me of this fact (y’all know who you are 😊), and I’m beyond grateful ❤️❤️ Having such precious friends as you all make my days so much brighter, and allows me to be myself no matter what. 🤗 ❤️
But the one thing I’m happy about is that yet another team meeting is cancelled, and I wasn’t feeling the best this week so getting more time to get my work done is such a blessing. 😌✨ Can’t wait to make tomorrow yet another productive day! 💪 ❤️
———
Have a good night everyone! I love y’all to the moon and back, and never forget how wonderful you are. 🤗 ❤️❤️❤️
@selflessSpruce1515
Spruuuce, overall, this sounds like a really good day! I still love the weather quote, hehe. I hope today will be just as amazing and if it isn't, snap your fingers and the clouds will *poof* ^^
You are so strong and I am so glad that I met you, you are making my life so much brighter, probably without even knowing that. Keep it up, or down, however you like it best, take some tea and if you want to, a hug as well! *leaves it all in this post* ❤️
@MelodyoftheOcean
Awww, thank you so much for replying as always, Oceannnnn 🤗 ❤️ The weather quote is my absolute favorite, and yessss, I hope today will be amazing too- it's already getting off to a really great start, so yayyyy! ❤️✨
I feel so fortunate to had met you, not because your my parent now, but because you have sweet and compassionate presence, and it's absolutely wonderful (yet rare) ❤️❤️ And 🥺 I make your days much brighter- that definitely didn't bring tears to my eyes 🙈
Love ya, Ocean 🤗 *sips some mint tea and hugssssss* 🤗
@MelodyoftheOcean @selflessSpruce1515
Harry Potter rules! I think I'd rather be Lupin than Peter. He sold everyone out 😕
Sorry lol was on an actual chocolate quest 😋
@mytwistedsoul
Exactlyyyyy, and I think you fit Lupin pretty well 😌 I wonder which character I would be more like 😮 Maybe I should find a quiz 😛 But yeah, Peter was such a traitor :’)
And did you find the choco? xD
@selflessSpruce1515 hmm - I see you as Hermione - very clever and a good friend :)
I did! Quest was successful! Snickers lol
*hug* good night Spruce ❤
@mytwistedsoul
Wow, everyone says that actually xD I can see me as Hermione, both in my personality and study habits 😛😛 (this year is a bit different though due to totally different circumstances academically, but I’m usually the one who would finish assignments the day they were assigned and load my schedule with work to stay busy 🙈).
And scoreeee, I loveeeee Snickers 🤗 Enjoy it, my friend 😌
*hugsssss* Goodnight, Soul ❤️❤️
@mytwistedsoul
I tried to find proof that you just have to be Lupin, and then I saw that you are on a chocolate quest. There you have it, you are Lupin! Glad to meet you, professor xD
@selflessSpruce1515
Hermione does fit somehow. She was experiencing so much hatred, and still she shines every day and cares about everyone, spreads smiles, and is just as smart as you are!
So I got only one question - who am I? ^^
@MelodyoftheOcean
Okay, I can see you as one of two characters - either Tonks or Sirius xD
So for Tonks- I can honestly see you as the clumsy one, lmaoooooo 😀 You have such a great sense of humor too, and you're powerful in your own way too 😌 ✨
For Sirius- I see you are super courageous at the face of adversity, and I even see a bit of a rebellious side in you (not too much, but I can sense it 😛). You're also really loyal to your friends, I can certainly see that, and show so much compassion ❤️❤️
Out of the two, I would definitely see you as Sirius ❤️✨
@selflessSpruce1515 ❤️
*jumps around in excitement*
I loooove Tonks and Sirius, so you siriusly said Sirius! (sorry sirius joke had to be 😛)
And yes I am a bit clumsy and rebellious and got the worst humour, you know too much 👀
*continues to jump around in excitement*
@MelodyoftheOcean
*jumps with you*
Yessssss, they're such amazing hooman beans 😌✨
And smh, I was able to figure all that out after a few convos 😭 I know your humorous ways indeed 👀
@selflessSpruce1515
Kiddo is jumping with me! ^^
@MelodyoftheOcean Chocolate quest was successful! It's nice to meet you too :) Sirius or Tonks - well - Idk you well and they're both awesome in their own ways but I think I'm gonna go with @selflessSpruce1515 on this one and say Sirius because he's cool lol
@mytwistedsoul
Congrats on the successful chocolate quest!
And well, then that means we are buddies, as you are Remus 😮
@MelodyoftheOcean Thanks! Woo hoo! One can't have enough buddies 🙂
Next full moon we can howl at it together lol 😁
@mytwistedsoul
I agreeeeee, so let's hooowl 👀
🌕
@selflessSpruce1515 @MelodyoftheOcean
😁
@mytwistedsoul
Hehe 😛 You howl like the bosssssss 🐺✨
@selflessSpruce1515 😊 looks like you can too! Pretty picture!
@mytwistedsoul
Aww, I love it too (honestly, I wanted to use a gif too, but my device isn’t exactly cooperating with me today 😀) ❤️ #WolfieGang 😛
@mytwistedsoul
I know rightttttt 😭 I mean, it isn’t even autocarrot (yes, my intentional typo that autocorrect doesn’t even use it’s ✨magic✨ to fix) at this point, but my whole phone is going bonkers, mainly the keyboard though 😀 But it’s so funny at the same time, at least when it comes to the typos 😌✨
@selflessSpruce1515 autocarrot 😂 mine wanted to change that to autocrat - weird lol
I try to type too fast and the buttons are so doggone small!
@mytwistedsoul
Well, autocrat is actually a word, so it’s fineeeee 😀 And I’m the victim of that toooooo 😭 (how the heck did the word “mogul” get added before the I’m- welpppppp 😭)
@mytwistedsoul
If only there was a way to turn off autocarrot 😀 I’m sure there’s a way, but I gotta keep searching 😌✨
Anyways, I can barely think straight at the moment, so I’m gonna head to bed (luckily I changed it last minute from “beans” 😭) now ❤️ Goodnight, Soulllll 🤗 ❤️ It was lovely chatting with you- it was so funnnn 😛✨
@selflessSpruce1515 same here soon - heading to beans lol
Good night Spruce 🙂 I enjoyed talking with you too ❤️
Wow, this is a pretty late entry :/ It probably won’t be a long one 😀
———
Today- well, I actually don’t know how to describe today :/ The first half of the day was absolutely wonderfulllll 😌 I got all my schoolwork done in a few hours, worked on my project, then had time to be with my amazing friendsies on hereeeee 🤗 ❤️
Then, I don’t know what happened- I guess it was the arguments again that rattled me...but more than usual 😀 I may or may not have had a full on breakdown as a result, and then a few hours later (including now), feel completely numb emotionally. :’) It’s fine though, because I did the best I could to not let it stop me.
I tried to get my mind off my thoughts by exercising more than I normally do. It actually really helped, to be honest. I did a lot of cardio and dance workouts, and I felt like a new person (until I become numb again shortly after finishing, but it’s okay :/). I wasn’t on cups for almost the rest of the day, just so I can focus on recovering from the breakdown, which was very effective. ❤️
Luckily the weekend is finallyyyyy here 😌✨ I will do the best I can *not* to be here, because yet again, I feel like I’m getting overly attached. Hopefully, I won’t be on my partial self-care break this coming week, but no guarantees- we’ll have to see how the weekend goes.. But no matter what, I’ll stay strong and overcome anything that dares to come my way 😛✨
———
I’m going to roam cups for a while, then head to bed. Goodnight, everyoneeee! 🤗 ❤️
7 Billion Stars
Humanity,
The beings who reign,
Rather radiant,
Yet unique,
Among those,
Who walk the streets,
Of the planet we call home.
Nothing can compare,
To the special forces,
That humanity emanates.
Unique beliefs,
Incomparable visions,
Stellar hopes and dreams.
We are not just a specie,
But 7 billion stars,
Twinkling in the night sky,
All radiating differently,
But beautifully all the same.
@selflessSpruce1515
I don't know if you wrote it yourself or if it is written by someone else, but is a beautiful piece of art ❤️
I went on a walk around my neighborhood today, and ran into someone from my school who had a crush on before the pandemic, which was awkward. But ever since, I haven’t been able to think of anything else, and I feel pretty embarrassed about the, not gonna lie. 🥲 I love this song though, because it basically vibes with my feeling right now, and it’s amazinggggg! 🤗 ❤️
———
