The Grove of a Spruce Tree 🌲

Time for another entryyyyyyyyy

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Today was kind of a weird day, but it went okay overall. I had this oppressive headache all day and it was really dark and gloomy outside, but I didn't let that stop me. It usually does, but I actually felt the motivation to get my schoolwork done, and even work on my project. It was as if all of my negativity just drifted away, and left this kind of pleasure behind. It was surprisingly really comforting. ❤️

Also, my parents were reallyyyyy getting on my nerves today. They usually do, but this time was probably the worst 🥲 Welp, why can't they just understand when I have to do my schoolwork and not bug me during that time. Ughhh, well, I love them but...they just fill me with so much worry and irritation. 😖 I'm already worried about my mom's chronic illness as it is... I tried not to let them bother me, as I knew the situation would cause me to crash. Buttttt, I didn't, surprisingly! Yayyyyy ❤️❤️

I was also thinking about what happened this past weekend, which kind of brought down my mood - it was just really rough, and the memories kept being persistent in trying to make me depressed all over again. However, I talked to one of my favorite listeners about what happened, and it actually cheered me up. Seeing all of their supportive comments really made me feel warm inside, and I decided not to let my flashbacks consume me. I'm in control of my own destiny, and I won't let some petty flashbacks and thoughts bring me down. I'm stronger than that, I know I am 😊 ✨

Another thing that really raised my spirits was the group chats. Earlier in the day, I was having a lot of fun trying to interpret sentences spelt backwards (*ahem* Thank you, Aivee [ @Wheeki16 ], for the wonderful performance 😀). Welp, my brain felt like it was degrading, but it was too funnnn ❤️ I got to meet two amazing people in the Depression Room as well ( @FreddieOnyx and @jv13076 ). They are really amazing hooman beans, and it was a pleasure greeting them here in my grove. 😊 ❤️

Anywaysssss, I'll leave it here because I'm not really sure what else to talk about 😀

Have a good night, everyone! Love ya allllll 🤗 ❤️❤️❤️

^ A Wednesday reminder for all of you 🤗 ❤️❤️

To my wonderful friendsies on here: @Angelx28 @Sunisshiningandsoareyou @Everlee @coldbreeze00 @CupoSad076 @emotionalTalker2260 @MiniMia2 @BookishBlue13 @JennyINFP @fearfearfear @KyleBorg @SystemFireSkye @Wheeki16 @DonaldDraper @FreddieOnyx @jv13076

:')

It's time for Spruce's rant 🥲 Here we go...

I am just beyond irritated with my parents—they just never understand me or how I feel. They expect me to be this emotionless poster child who is perfect in every way, shape, or form. They can't deal with my mood swings, my panic attacks, any of my negative aspects. Well, they're not so sunshiny and rainbows themselves...they literally *cannot* go a day without screaming at each other (which is a hugeeee trigger for me), and I have to lock myself in my room in order to escape the insanity. 🥺 I want to go back to school in-person...I miss talking with people...having fun. I rarely smile anymore, and I'm getting sick more and more often. I have the option of going back in person next month...but I'll only have one month of school and only a few weeks to prepare for finals...I can't take that pressure. I'll be held back a year, but it's worth it. And hey, there will be so many benefits too! I won't have to deal with being bullied and criticized by my classmates. I had to deal with that since kindergarten, but maybe it will be a fresh start...a new leaf. I won't really have to worry about grades since I'm one of the top 10% in my grade, and I'll also be able to take the psat and sat—unlike a lot of other people, I was looking forward to the challenge. I actually kind of like standardized tests, and if I went into 12th grade, I wouldn't have the opportunity. And heyyy, maybe I can get the merit scholarship and get into the college I want. I also get to take the ap courses I want - ap chem, ap physics 1, and ap computer science a. In this stupid online school, I can only take 5 course at a time, and they are all too straight foward since they are all at a very low level for me. It would be great to cram my schedule with the classes I want, and actually enjoyyyyy myself for once. I'm bored with online school, and it's hard to focus being at home. I need that sense of relief from the stress at home and actually live my life. Going back in-person is the only way to do that, so I will be counting down the days until I can go back in person. Oooo, and I'm also taking a summer research internship, and I'll only be home a few hours a day. Can't waitttttt! I'll be freeeeee ❤️ And I have my friends here at 7 Cups to keep me level-headed until the summer, so I won't be alone and scared for long. This site is a really great distraction to the torture I have to deal with here, and it's such a blessing. 🤗 ❤️ I love all my wonderful friends on here like no tomorrow, and I can't thank them enough for making me smile each day, even if it's just for a short time. ❤️❤️❤️

Alrighty, I'll leave it here since I have to get ready for bed. Goodnight, everyone! See ya all tomorrow 🤗 ❤️❤️❤️

🥲

🤗 ❤️

I won't be able to really write an entry today since I will pretty busy, but today wasn't super bad. Just a pretty laid back day, and I was really just catching up on my schoolwork and reading. ❤️

I also won't be on until Sunday due to some personal matters, but I will miss you all. See you on Sunday! ❤️❤️❤️

🙈 I did say I wouldn’t be here until Sunday, but right now is the perfect time to write you all a poem 😀

Enjoyyyyyy 💕

———

The Birds of a Feather

How does the world produce,

Creatures of being,

That are alike in specie,

And alike in structure,

But come from a world away,

In mind and heart?

Why are we,

So quick to think,

That we are all so different,

In our experiences,

In our relationships,

In our standings in this world,

That we fail to see,

That we are all human beings?

Variety may divide us,

Make us fight each other,

To satisfy our own desires.

But what if we,

Let go of our differences,

And reach for another’s hand?

Differences drive us apart,

But what if they brought us together—

Not just as human beings,

But as a union of friends?

I don’t know why I feel like writing so much today 🙈, but here’s a quote that I came up with ❤️

✨ Life is a dark, mysterious vortex of the mind and the soul, but with love, serenity, and purpose in your heart, you will find your way towards the bright light that transcends all expectations. ✨

This is just a quick rant. You don’t have to read or reply to this.

I don’t want to tomorrow to come…I wish today could last forever. I’m beyond terrified about what will happen tomorrow morning, and it will be dreadful to say the least. My middle brother is coming home because my mom’s going to have a “talk” with him about life…I usually know how those conversations go, since my oldest brother had it not too long ago…there will be so much yelling and screaming…I’ll have to sit there and listen to it all…I’ll have to lock myself in my dark room and feel the whole house shake as the argument keeps going…brings back my past trauma…please don’t let me hear the screaming…anything than that. It will bring back another depressive episode…why does this have to happen…why so soon…I’m scared…I won’t be able to focus on anything at all…I’ll just be absorbed in my negative thoughts again as my family starts collapsing right before my eyes… 😖

Despite all this, there is still the positive voice in my head that says I will get through it…I can block it out and focus on my schoolwork and on my mental health…I won’t get back into that episode, not that easily…I won’t let my mental health be dictated by my environment…I can make my own weather and overcome this…yeah, I won’t let this stop me…I can do this ❤️❤️