Scattered Thoughts
Thought it might be a good idea to have my own thread where I can think things out and rant without feeling guilty about invading other peoples spaces.
My doctor tries to tell me that Im going through a face yeah its not a f***ing phase I just wanna feel okay
Every single f***ing day I get closer to the grave I am terrified
Crash my car just to feel again
Falling into love now with falling apart
Trying to distract myself so
duck duck
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Not perfect but kinda cool
Now the word duck looks weird
@ThePizza
lmaooo omg I'm saving thisssssss!!
Sometimes I'm not exactly writing with the intent that some people will read it. Sometimes a word or phrase (usually phrase) just pops in my head and I feel compelled to share it here. But not necessarily WITH other people, even if I am fine/pleased with them seeing it. That might be why sometimes I post here way too much I guess.
"Just tell yourself what you what tell your friend if they were going through the same thing!"
It's a nice idea but what I tell my friends depends on the person and the type of friendship we have.
I'm not friends with myself most days. I don't have any forgiveness for myself
Hello. When COVID hit I was laid off of work and didn't go back when they offered me my hours back because I'm living with my grandparents. Now that we are moving, I have to get a job so that I can pay for my own gas and then mental crap comes up. I applied to a small shop in my town but when given the job offer, I got anxiety and had to decline because I don't feel confident enough to work individually like they need me to. I had a huge panic attack because my mom can't afford a therapist for me right now and I don't know how to deal with all of it. I'm still anxious but I just kinda want to get under a bed, put a blanket around me, and not come out until I'm safe from teen/anxiety/pointless jobs. I try not to be picky about my next job as I just need money at this point but anxiety stops me and I just want to be a normal teen. I know this is supposed to be the depression forum but I have a feeling that tomorrow is going to be another depression, lay on your bed, and watch Youtube videos all day, type of day. Also, if anyone knows free therapy/counseling services for people under 18, could you lead me there? I'm really desperate.
@SoftHufflepuff
I don't think it really matters that this is the depression forum instead of the anxiety forum :) I'm sorry to hear that you're going through this. I imagine it must be very hard to not have a therapist when so much is going on for you. Do you have any close friends that might be willing to listen to you every once in a while? I know its not the same as a therapist but it might help if you're able to vent to someone every once in a while. Maybe if you look up more details about the jobs you apply for, you'll feel more prepared and confident about them and won't feel the need to decline the offer? I don't know what jobs you're applying for but maybe it could help? Unfortunately I don't really know of free therapy/counseling services for people under 18. I hope you can find something that works for you in your area.
Hi!
I guess I will just write my thoughts here and let it all out. I don't know yet how this works so I will put up a disclaimer (trigger warning:sexual abuse). Please tell me if anything I write is innapropriate, triggering or offensive.
Im nearly 20 and only had one relationship that lasted 5 months. During this time (and all my life) I haven't had any sexual experience other than kissing. For New Years eve me and my noe ex-friend went out and got drunk and met random strangers from another country. I thought the guy I was talking to the most was gay (im bi, more on lesbian side) but we ended up making out A LoT. Without my permission them he did things to me, while I was too drhnk to say no. My 'friend' did nothing and even accused me of being irresponsible the next day and that "i deserved it". Since I had no prior sexual experiences I am now scared that due to my age and this accident no one will love me as I can't even love myself. I had been dealing with clinical depression for over 3 years now and covid19 situation made it no better. Since I lost almost all of my friends (except of one who I am unfortunatelly in love with) I am closing myself in and can feel the sadness and emptiness crawl into me again.
My therapist is also not very helpfull as I can only see her once every two months mainly for medications and haven't yet spoke about this to anyone before.
@considerateShip7841
If you have a good relationship with your parents, I would suggest you try to talk to them about this. I know you said your therapist is not of much help, but I think you should try to talk to them about this too. I think it would be helpful to have a therapist to talk to about these kinds of things but also your depression instead of just getting medication from them. If you don't feel comfortable talking to them about this, it might be best to find someone else that you feel comfortable talking too. That's just my opinion though, you don't have to do that of course. I'm so sorry that this happened to you. Even when others tell you otherwise try to remember that it is NOT your fault. There is not EVER a reason to take advantage of someone that way, and no one is ever "asking for it". I hope maybe something I said is helpful to you.
@ThePizza
My parents and I well that would be amazing if we could even talk like normal human to eachother..
But otherways your reassurance kind of helps even tho I can't believe in words you say yet..thanks tho means a lot
Debating whether or not to start a new thread in the actual diary section because I feel like it's more neutral, I mean this is the depression forum and I talk about more than just depression-- idk also I think it would make more sense to have this diary thread in the,,,,, Diary Thread section ya know? Problem is I don't really want to start a new thread, I mean I've kinda wanted to change the title for a while so I could do that but I kinda feel accomplished for some reason having fourteen pages to this. So idk is it possible to just-- move a thread to a different forum? If it is possible that would be awesome but I'm guessing that most likely they can't do that. Also I know I should probably tag someone who knows about that stuff but I don't really know who that would be so... sorry about that
@ThePizza GO FOR IT!!!
