Scattered Thoughts
Thought it might be a good idea to have my own thread where I can think things out and rant without feeling guilty about invading other peoples spaces.
@ThePizza Hey M How are you?
Just wanted to check in with you. Let you know you're in my thoughts.
Be gentle with yourself.
@mytwistedsoul
Anziety is kicking in but it
@ThePizza Hey M - Let take a deep breath - yeah? Deep one in - let's hold it to the count of 5 and let it out.
I'm sorry to hear the anxiety is kicking up. Man do I know how that is. And it has a way of bringing self blame with it.
Do you want to talk about it? It might make you feel better - no pressure of course.
So I some graphic Sci-Fi stuff. Not sure why Im getting so freaked out by this. It could be sleep deprivation— I never really went to bed last night; I just slept on and off from around seven to ten in the morning. I woke up in sweat, and Im not sure that it was because of a stuffy room. I was scared. Now, well I guess I feel somewhat better. A little more in control. I still feel weird and shaky, though. And tired. Im always tired. Maybe it was an anxiety attack? I honestly dont know. I feel unsafe.
@ThePizza It could be a combination of everything. I know some times what we watch has a way of working it's self into our dreams. Even after we wake up it can still linger. Maybe if you could lay down for an hour and just rest. Play some music. Try to think of something more pleasant or watch some funny video's to take your mind off the more scary things. Or you can hang around and just chat with me - lol
@ThePizza Hey M -
Just wanted to check in with you to see how you are this evening? Has your anxiety calmed down some? I hope you were able to take a moment to rest today. I know it's really hard to deal with anxiety. I'm really glad to see you reaching out here.
Be gentle with yourself and your thoughts
@mytwistedsoul
Feeling more depressed today— well at least the anxiety is lessened right? I dont know
@ThePizza I hear you there. My anxiety is always there so it's kind of nice in a twisted way when my depression kicks in and it dull's the anxiety. I'm glad to hear your anxiety dropped but sorry to hear it was replaced by the depression. I really am sorry that you're dealing with all this M. It just doesn't seem right or fair.
@ThePizza
For some unknown reason I feel the same today, a very bad day...but Pizza, at least you have your friends that in the beggining I told you would allways be with you and take care of you and also you have...pizza...😉😊🤗 for confort...I have nobody and noone and I had to manage these states of mind on my iwn my whole life but today as was for you, for some reason this is a very bad day for me too...
A bunch of weird, jumbled thoughts are swirling in my head— cant make sense of it all. Cant keep track of my own thoughts, of where theyre going or how many there are. Is that normal? Are everyones brains filled with such confusion? I cant make sense of it all.
Ive been thinking about the effect I have on others. Every action, every word I say or dont say, every thought I have(?) has the potential to damage a person. Or change them for the better, I dont know. Either way it leaves its mark.
I often wonder, am I having the effect I want to have? What effect DO I want to have? When do I need to smile and nod, and when is it appropriate (appropriate?) to be my own person? Am I even capable of doing that anymore? When do my needs become more important than the needs of others— if they even ever do at all? How am I supposed to be my own person when Im society expects me to conform?
Who am I hurting?
@ThePizza Hey M How are you?
I can understand what you're thinking. I know I always worry about the effects I may have on people. WOrrying about saying the wrong thing - all the time. People can misunderstand and take things out of context. I guess as long as nothing you say is intentionally mean or malicious - ya know? And I can't see you being that way. Yeah - sure we all have our bad days and moments. But you've got a good heart M and some people - well it wouldn't matter what you say - if they want to see something wrong with it they will.
I really do understand though. Idk - alot of people - I don't think we have as much impact on them as we think we do. Idk - maybe in some ways we do and of course words can hurt just as much if not more at times.
Idk - is any of this helping you? Wise isn't the only one with fuzzy thoughts I guess.
Just be yourself M - it's always appropriate. Even though it can be hard sometime to truely know who you are. Your needs have to come first. Everyone else is pretty much focused on theirs first and foremost too. Because if we don't take care of ours first - how can we help anyone else? Conformity - sucks. I think it may be the easy way to go. MAybe we're meant to shake things up. Give things a different perspective. A new look.
Ultimately I think we only end up hurting ourselves. And all the worry adds to our anxiety.
Just know - you're not alone with all these thoughts and worries. And it's really great to see you using your space here to get them out.
Be gentle with yourself and your thoughts
This is an easy way to get bonkers or mad, getting tangled in questions like "what did I say?", "what did I do?", "did I do things right, did I do things wrong, have I upset anyone?"...overthinking things get you insane and insecure. Sure it is normally smart to think things over but not at all healthy in drowning in selfdoubting questions...if we go with questions like that we quickly go "aaaarrrrghh!!"😉😊
You, like your friends and I were thrown in this life without a user manual nor a storyline to play as actors so each of us struggles to find the ballance between ourselves and others, good or bad or grey or just red or whatever, whomever can make sense of life😉😊...
Just lay down and don't worry on worrying so much but focus on living your life...there will be moments in life when you will find tgat serenity when you willfinally say "nothing really matters". It was my first encounter with mortality that gave me that relaxed freedom and the feeling of "je m'en fout" like the French say to "I don't care".
I miss that feeling of freedom because even with my own problems I can't get that calm, layed back feeling to stick with me forever...
Oh boy, life is a stew where it throws all of us in and boils the brains and souls out of us...
Don't overthink things and let questions go and just live your life😉😊
https://youtu.be/HFyq9EoJnLk
You know by the heavyness of the silence when things go bad again...nomatter...