Rotten apple
Im Lisa...Hi, My problems seem small compared to what ive read other people endured here on the site.
Is it even fair that i felt better after reading that stuff? It actually made me realize I haven't been through such distressing hardships as some, but is that unavoidable?
I will be looking around and working on my attitude caused by loosing control of my addictions to opiates and sex. They fuel eachother.
It all started out as fun and games but not anymore!! My worst problem is the heroin, but also alcohol and other drugs contribute to my anxiety, depression, my violenct outbursts on family and male and female lovers. "Who do i think i am" So managing emotional swings and cravings causes frequent panic attacks and I lash out. Im good at what i do at work but its easy supporting my heroin and sex cravings. Im a major royal bitch and I need to stop this mess i created.
How can i stop if i cant tell anybody?
Am i a hopeless case? K well, thats meπ
I get angry for the few happy moments i find because i couldnt save those left behind.
I feel so down i have dirt imbedded in my mind.
My brain is just a tourmented playground
Up but, I quickly fall to the ground
Honor
Standards
Morals
Truth
Love
Joy
Don't make a sound
A glimpse in my mind
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Ive been knocked down
Knocked out
Kick
Robbed
Cheated on
Lie to
Decieved
Forsaken
Whamboozled
Tricked
Scamed
Dammed
Derailed
But, im still here
I learned
Now i have
Fear
Paranoia
Depression
Anxiety
Ptsd
Panic
Thanks for everything!
How long?
I wonder just how long we must suffer before we figure out nothing at all matters. Once we figure that out, we can just get out there and look around and amuse ourselves. Not caring, looking out of curiosity for anything at all. Maybe we find another curious person to explore with for a while. Just dont let that person start to matter either. We cant get hurt when nothing matters....right?
