Pieces of the Jigsaw

❤ @Everlee ❤

Andddd some icecream-cake! 🤗

I was 9 when I was 9 🍂

Haha these last 4 posts are so relatable xD *hugsssss*

Specially the last one lol :') not relatable per se, but hits differently!

Oooh and yes yes, we all can use a quarantine from our brain once in a while hehe 🤧❤

@Everlee

❤️

What did 3 am thoughts teach me? To cry about the things I can't change? Well, done that, a heck lotta times. Did things change? No. Did it make things worse? Yes for sure, gave me anxiety, panic attacks, worst thoughts, nightmares, made me overthink every single thing, wasted so much time, added so much unnecessary hate in my mind, made me question my decisions. Is this any similar to how I wanted my life to be? No, never. I was surviving, I had hope, I wasn't getting better but I wasn't this bad as well. To the person I've become today, my lovely anxiety, thank you but I didn't ask for it. I'm thankful for the knowledge I've gained but I can't live like this anymore, the time has come and I need to change this. No this isn't coz of the random motivation or anything like that but coz I feel the need to change and this time, it isn't for anyone else but me because clearly, running away from things got me closer to them, maybe facing them will help me get rid of them. Old doors don't open new ways and when I need to survive in this world then why to hide when I can fight? I know I can do it, I know I have wasted just so much time but I also know that I have chance to live the life I wanted to and if not now then I am sure I will never be able to do it. I will never be able to change people's opinion but at least I can work on myself to be strong enough to ignore all the unnecessary hate because I've learnt that fighting with some people is just useless and even winning those fights is just as useless. I can't love everyone but I can at least stop this random hate chain that I have been a part of for such a long time and was surprisingly blind enough to not to notice it. If the conversation is about hate, I won't talk, if it's about something that makes me cringe, I won't talk, if it's about something because of which I feel bad about myself, I won't talk. Boundaries are important, everywhere, learnt it the hard way but proud to accept it. Trying to part with the things that are not required will only make me try more and fail eventually but stopping it completely, I wouldn't have any excuse left and I'll do that, I'll be harsh on myself now to earn the future I dreamt of. I will do everything to get there and I am ready to give what it takes. I need to work today in order to get where I wish to because it may be a series of bad chapters but I know there will be a good chapter, a better one, that will make me feel all of it, all the trauma, all the flashbacks, all the urges, everything was worth it and I'll patiently wait for that chapter to come. I will get there eventually. I am confident enough that I will but till then I'll work on myself, I won't sit with the dreams, I will make them happen because I don't want this to continue, I don't want that cycle of doubt to continue and only I can change myself, only I can change my situation and only my efforts can make my dreams come true because I want to be optimistic for once and even if all my plans don't work out, I won't feel bad because I've already wasted enough time thinking about all the worst things that can happen, thanks to overthinking for showing me every single way how things can go wrong and I'm even more ready to prove my own thoughts wrong. I'll do what it takes, I'm ready to fall, I'm ready to fight with the pain, I'm ready to be the last one in the race but I'm also ready to complete the race because even if I am the last one, I'd be proud enough to say that I completed the race and I won the fight with my own thoughts which is what matters the most to me. One day I'll get there till then, I'll work hard.