My Mood Journal

For the past few days, I've been keeping a sort of journal of my mood and thoughts. I start cognitive behavioural therapy for the third time in my life next week and felt that having something written down could help. I tend to have a hard time getting what is inside of me, out... especially in therapy; for a couple of reasons. Firstly I have no great trauma to talk about, I suffer from depression but sometimes feel like it's just self-indulgent moaning on my part and am embarrased to share.

Secondly my mood varies a lot, and often when I visit a therapist I'm not as low as I have been. Going to see someone feels like a positive step which can brighten my mood a little, and also I tend to feel more positive in the afternoon, when the therapy sessions typically are (and low in the evening and early morning). I struggle to empathise with the version of myself I was when I was low and will give the impression that I'm doing better than I really am. I feel I will need help bringing this out, even with my journal, and feel that sharing here may help me.

So I got a small notepad, which I can put in my pocket and take everywhere with me, to make short notes as and when I have something to say. The plan is to reserve the journal for moments of clarity, when I actually have something important to say about what I'm feeling and more importantly why. It isn't to keep a constant log of my many ups and downs and I may go days without writing something if I have nothing I feel I can add to it. Also, it isn't for idle speculation, as I do this a lot and could easily fill it with ramblings about 'why I suffer from depression'. I want to focus on the here and now with this journal.

So I'll post each entry here in a new post. I started it a couple weeks ago so I'll post some older stuff first. Comments, especially empathy is welcome. I imagine I might just post everything in my journal into posts on here, but there may be stuff I don't feel it worth putting up.

Thanks for your help if you're reading this.