Mack’s Garden 🌱🌻

I’m backkkkk. This post is solely for the purpose of pretending I didn’t totally forget about this thread til someoneeee *cough cough @CommunityModKay* had to direct me back to it to view a traumatizing gif 😭

Anyways, probably gonna regret posting this but I don’t really have anything else to post sooo *** it. Enjoy the rare sight of a Mack poem(?) idk if this qualifies as a poem but yk 😀

TW I guess? Idk

I’m not sure what frightened me most

Was it your power or mine?

You towered over me,

your power was suffocating

and you wanted me to hurt.

Your force overwhelmed me

But I know now, you lived in torment too.

I can’t imagine your agony.

The inability to feel love for others,

the constant rage

so intense that the only release,

the only way to let it out,

was to harm a defenseless child.

I was so terrified of you

that I never spoke a word.

The fear of what was to come,

of what twisted “game” you would come up with if I did

But the power I had over you…

It was terrifying.

It was paralyzing.

It was so intense that even you were intimidated by it.

That’s why you made threats.

That’s why the abuse would escalate.

You were so scared of my power

that you wanted me to fear it too

You may have been bigger,

but you knew I was stronger.

My heart breaks for you.

You never knew the peace of a serene lake

the compassion from a child

The warmth of an embrace

The empathy of forgiveness

or the kindness of a stranger

You never knew love.

You were shattered,

you tried to break me too.

But you can’t destroy me

because even though you were bigger,

I am stronger than you.

@Msck

Hi Mack. I don't know if you like want me here so just tell me to leave if that's the case but yeah.

I was thinking about you and stuff on my run this morning so I figured i would just leave you a little message to see you you're doing. The only catch is no sarcasm included. I'm here for you Mack and you can talk to me, I hope you know that. I care about you a whole ton and you will be missed when u age up so when u do age up I'm gonna spam you every day

How are you Mack?

@Mack

Happy Birthday Mack 🎉🎂🎁💜🤍

I hope you have a great day today, I am immensely grateful for u Mack and for every moment we've shared together
u have been so kind to me, so patient and supportive
During times when I felt lost or doubted myself, u were the one who believed in me, even when I couldn't find that belief within myself ur faith in me has made all the difference.
U have taught me so much too


U have changed me n a lot of ways
Thanks u for letting me know a part of u
I've said it before and I will always believe it to be true
It's an gift to be ur friend and it's a loss for everyone else who don't take the time to understand and know u
I hope u find good people who appreciate and know how special u are and how unique and amazing is to have someone like u in their lives.

I really do hope that u find happiness and all ur dreams come true, I hope life it's kinder to you and you can have some peace and love and endless support and care and all good stuff cause u truly deserve it
U have made my life better and have brought a lot of good to it, thank u for that.

It's wild how in such short time u can make wuch huge impact n someone.


I think u have taught me most how to be brave. Brave n a way I didn't know before

Amd what's like to be cared for despite everything.

Thank u for caring about me the way u did.
I'm sorry if sometimes in the moment I took it for granted and didn't appreciate it the way I should have but it had meant the world to me to have u there in my corner when I couldn't help myself and I was struggling
U were there to help me and u tried everytime.


Please remember that u are deserving of love, respect, and happiness. Despite the challenges you face, I hope you always hold onto your incredible strength and never forget how specialu are. Even though we may be physically apart, know that my thoughts and well wishes are with you always.
I'm here for you always and u ain't alone, I'm thinking of you and always hoping for the best and hoping u are safe and eating and drinking water and ok.


Have a great day today, and celebrate it and thank you Mack for existing with love Alex ʕっ• ᴥ • ʔっ

Mack!! 🥰 Happy birthday to one of my favorite people on here! I am so glad that I met you because you have made my time here extremely positive and I’m so lucky to have a friend like you. You are one of the most resilient and truest people I know and I want you to know that you should never change for anyone because those that matter will stay by your side always. You are amazing just the way you are and I ❤️ you so muchhhh friend! Celebrate today with your babies 🦎🦎🐱 and treat yourself to Bath and Body Works!! Happy birthday Mack! 💗

lol I guess it’s been a while. really just here to vent so no need to read on if you don’t want to (:

**TW**

im just tired. of everything. i’m tired of people and i’m tired of feeling, im tired of not feeling, i’m tired of being tired. im tired of being used all and taken advantage of. im tired of life. it’s honestly so exhausting to have so much on your mind and be hurting so much and have to just continue to pretend you’re okay day after day. and it’s not like people care. why would they when you’re truly just a random nobody. never anyone’s favorite person, nobody people would be scared to lose. so you keep it to yourself. bottle it all up. all the anger and sadness and frustration and confusion- you bottle it up and take it out on yourself.

this is managing my emotions right? this is what everyone wanted, yeah? everyone cared and got upset with me when i expressed them but nobody even notices me now that i bottle them up and isolate. i must be doing something right.

it’s all fine tho. what does it matter anyways. i actually felt a little bit of happy and excitement last night. i ordered sh tools that are super disguised. nobody will know. but maybe that’s sad too, feeling happy for something like that. being as excited as a kid on Christmas morning for them to arrive. concerning at the very least. but nobody cares so no need to worry about concern.

ive been trying really hard to eat everyday. but it’s been really hard to try. and i cant even tolerate looking at my body anymore. i started taking pictures the other night just to see how fat my body really is from all angles. im disgusting, i truly never want to eat again. i don’t deserve to eat. and there’s always so much validation on cups and irl to confirm that. too fat to eat, too fat to love, too fat to where cute clothes, too fat to do my makeup, too fat to leave the house, too fat to exist in a world that is built for skinny people. maybe it doesn’t make sense to people- my thought process i mean. but it makes perfect sense to me, for me. im disgusting, my body is disgusting. everything about me is so god damn disgusting.

everything in life is going wrong, it’s just one disappointment after another. i cant own anything nice, i can hardly afford the bare minimum essentials- and that’s not from lack of working. it’s from lack of being compensated for what i spend all day most days doing, but anyways, idk. im just exhausted and overwhelmed and honestly i don’t think i even have the energy to care anymore. but it is what it is i guess.

thats all. pathetic, i know. i told you not to read it

@Mack

Hello, from what I have read this seems to be very interesting, I will definitely stay in touch to read up! Adventures are the best!

just another post truly not worth the read so don’t bother.

lol i’m so stupid. honestly so *** stupid to ever think at any point that i will ever be able to be me without *** things up. i don’t know how i ever allowed myself to believe that maybe i wouldn’t always be doing something wrong. but what does it matter. i was right. i should just isolate. stop talking to everyone altogether. save them from the complete disaster i am. at least then i can’t hurt anyone. cus that’s what i do. i hurt people. i don’t even *** try to but i ALWAYS *** do. and since it’s always so god damn unintentional there’s no way to even avoid it unless i just ghost them all. they’d be better off not having to deal with me anyways. i’m a terrible person, terrible *** friend. literally everything i say is wrong. everything i do is wrong. everything is wrong. i’m wrong and life is wrong and who the *** decided it would be a good *** idea to throw me into this shitshow we call life in the first place. even with the best or most innocent i completely ruin everything and honestly that’s the worst type of person i could possibly be. at least if i intentionally hurt people i wouldn’t have people lying to me trying to convince me im not and awful person when i very clearly, very obviously am. and ill never be a good person. no matter how hard i try. so what’s even the *** point in trying. maybe i should just intentionally be a terrible *** person. then everyone can stop making *** up trying to convince anyone i’m not.